I Feel Guilty For Not Wanting Him To Go...

My boyfriend nathan have been dating for 7 months and he is joining the army in Dec., I should be really happy that he wants to fight for his country but all I can think about is losing him, and not being able to see him for months. Everytime I think about it, i get teary and then he says that he wont join but then I feel guilty because its not just about me. What really gets to me is that he doesnt really like to talk about it and when we do he only seems to focus on the stuff that affects him and when i talk about not being able to see me for months he gets mad an accuses me of only focusing on the negative. I feel like he doesnt see how its going to effect me hes just focusing on what hes gonna be doing. I feel like this is putting pressure on our relationship because we cant talk about it, how do i get him to listen to me?  

Scared34 Scared34
18-21, F
1 Response Feb 11, 2010

Life is often a game of tug-of-war...the trick to playing the game is learning when to hold on and when to let go. Human nature will always steer us in whatever direction would benefit us most or, at the very least, cause the least amount of pain, however, in order to enjoy the most amazing part of being human, selflessness and fighting that very basic instinct is essential, second only to having a pulse.<br />
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I went through the exact same thing...do not feel guilty for loving someone and wanting them to be with you...but remember that love is not selfish and he should remember that too and allow you to express your feelings. Serving in the military is a big commitment and it's an intimidating thought for even those that sign up, so he's probably getting frustrated because you might be reinforcing negative thoughts/fears he may be having when he's looking to you for support right now.<br />
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As for the communication, that is something that every couple needs to work on- just try to be understanding, let one another finish what is being said, and take that into consideration before responding. Start with "I understand that blah blah blah...I just wanted you know that I feel such and such way..." reinforce that you care about him and want what is best for him while you're talking to him.<br />
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Read my experience if you'd like and IM me if you ever want to talk. ^_^<br />
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AIM= YakuDarling