I Could Really Use Some Advice/help =/

idk how to start this but lets see what happens n if anything makes sence...


this weekend has gotten off to a crappy start, yesterday me n my bf had a HUGE fight and i was so close to leaving cuz i just cant take the fighing n feeling like a crappy gf.. we made up n things were good, i got to open my vday gifts he got me a stuffed penguin [cuz its my nickname for him] beautiful earings and the key to our apt. a few min after that everything kinda went to hell..... something came up with his sister n i understood so i was like whatever, after a couple hours i tell him im going to bed n that i love him... an hour later he calls me n i ask him whats going on.... apparently  his sister is going thru alot of what iv already been thru and delt with on my own pretty much [depression, eating disorders, self harm] something inside me snapped or something... he got mad at me for not being supportive.... idk how the hell to supportive, i know how to be supportive while hes gone and i know how to support ppl who are going thru what i still battle with  i just have no clue how to be supportive when its not the person going thru it.... i grew up with no type of support system, everyone in my family told my mom to abandon me cuz they thought i was crazy.. and at the time i probably seemed like it... my moms the only one who had faith in me but i tried asking her for help and didnt get anything... eventually i put myself in a psych hospital cuz i had nowhere else to go n couldnt stand being home, i finally got the help i needed and i have some friends i can go to.... and his sister is doing alot better then i did, shes been getting the help she needs on her own for awhile now...

i guess what i got so annoyed with is he wants to talk to her every night now, taking time away from us when i need him just as bad if not more cuz hes all i have, if it wasnt for him i would be going active and sign up for the first long deployment i could...... we want things to work out but our personalities clash so much its hard... i used to be a cold emotionless person, id help out my friends whenever they needed me and my emotions would show a lil bit, i only cared for them and didnt care what happened to me... now with him its wierd having emotions again but when we fight it gets to a point where i feel i was better off being the person i was when he met me, it feels like thats the person he fell in love with when we fight but im not that person anymore.... its wierd having a person care, but sometimes he can be a cold heartless douche bag and he admits that.... i slowly feel like im going back to being emotionless and distanceing myself, and i feel like a selfish person for wanting to talk to him as much as i can since i have noone else to talk to, but it just bothers me to no end that hes the only person that rly cares but yet i cant talk to him, it ****** me off even more that hes gonna be sweet brother when his sister is about to be commited yet when i tell him i feel like hurting myself i get scolded not comforted..... idk if this made any sence at all, n i know that was alot but i had to get it out and i could rly use some advice/help, things are all sorts of messed up in my mind..  

armygirl412 armygirl412
18-21, F
Feb 13, 2010