First Weekend Alone.

This is my first weekend without Joe here...It's so hard. For the past year I don't recall a weekend without him here, and for the past couple months I never slept alone. This is my first weekend sleeping in an empty bed. My bed's empty, my world is empty.

Without Joe here, days are a blur and nights are long and restless.  I toss and turn all night and get little sleep & wake up puffy eyed from crying myself to sleep and going on with my day slowly and like a robot. 

I walk the halls at school and see all these happy couples, or copules fighting then I listen to my friends complain about their guys.  It makes me feel left out. It's as if I'm standing on the outside looking in as life passes by.

My brother and his roommates from college were going to come down today and hang with me and keep my mind off of it but due to amazing Pennsylvania weather they can't make it. Gotta love snowstorms..

Tonight I'm laying in my bed remembering how last weekend Joe was laying right here beside me laughing and smiling, or how he'd brush my hair out of my face when he couldn't see my smile. I remember the song he wrote and played for me just like it was yesterday..."Miranda whooaa, Miranda....she's got a smile that will make you wanna walk a mile in my shoes...Miranda whooaa Miranda....." Now I lay here alone with tear filled eyes.

I even only lay on one side of the bed and leave the side he'd normally be in open. I tried to wrap my arms around him while laying here and felt nothing but air.

The other night I got a call from him, even though it only lasted a couple minutes and made my heart melt. It serioulsy took me a couple seconds to realize I wasn't dreaming and it was really his voice on the other line.  He asked how I was doing and I knew I couldn't tell him that I was a wreck, so I told him that I was ok and that I missed him but I was holding up and this made him so happy. He was so glad that I was doing ok and when we got off the phone I just lost it.

But the truth is I'm trying my best to be strong. I tell everyone that I'm alright and that it's getting easier, but the truth is I'm not and it's not.  I'm so lost without him and I don't want to do all these things without him here next to me sharing it all.

This is so hard and painful..we've never been apart more than a couple of days..I miss you Joe!

I have to be strong for him...

 

-Miranda-

missmytoughguy missmytoughguy
18-21, F
5 Responses Feb 26, 2010

I agree with you completely. & thanks & I'm sure you'll hear from Shawn soon!! My fingers are crossed for you!!

I know what you mean about just going through the motions. Im glad you got a call from him.. I still haven't heard from Shawn.. hopefully I will soon. I think that is the worst part, just waiting to hear from him.

Thanks guys. I think it's really tough this weekend because I can't go anywhere due to the weather. We've had a snow storm since Thursday so the roads are bad and mom doesn't want me risking wrecking.

I agree with lyurista! Go out girly! Try and have some fun! Go see a movie. I know it's difficutl. I feel as if I am just going through the motions of the day sometimes and sometimes it feels like I'm just outside my body and I'm acting like a robot. But I PROMISE it will get better! You'll have your good days and your bad days! But you need to try and go out and have some fun. :D He'd be glad to hear that your going out and doing something!

it will get better girlie.. go out and try to keep busy!! don't lay around because time only goes slower.. get out and do lots of things :)