His Family.....

I have a pretty sticky situation.  If you've read my last story, you know a little bit about my situation with my boyfriend's mom.  Basically, she hates my guts.  She's the most impossible person in the whole world.  And that's not much of an exaggeration at all.  She is pretty much the most unforgiving person ever, and she still holds a grudge about something she thinks happened in the past.  I started dating my boyfriend about 2 years ago, and about 8 months into it, something happened (I'm not going to go into details) but it was really bad and we had a big blowout and ended both ended up hurting each other really bad.  We broke up and didn't speak for 3 months, then we got back together (I think we both knew that neither one of us had really broke up at that point, so it didn't last because we still couldn't get over the past) and he broke my heart again a couple of months later, and this time we went 6 months without speaking.  He finally came back in September with a new outlook on things, and we've both moved on.  We've forgiven each other for everything and have gotten it right this time.  We took it slow to begin with because we wanted to make sure, but in December we had the talk and both realized we wanted to be together more than anything.  So we're making it work.  Because we've forgiven each other and been able to move on.  Because that's what people do, right?  

Wrong.  His mother refuses to move on.  She's a total b*tch about it.  She was never the easiest person to get along with, but she was a little better when we first started dating.  She and I didn't talk after he and I broke up, and I didn't talk to or see her until this December, when we got back together again.  Now, I know that she's a mom and wants to protect her son, but enough is enough!  He's moved on...why can't you?  She hates me, and she blames everything that happened on ME and refuses to even consider the fact that he precious son is any less than a perfect angel who can do no wrong.  To her, it's all my fault and I should never be forgiven.  And she takes every opportunity possible to make it known how much she hates me.  It really bothers me, because I'm a good person and I deserve to have people at least treat me decently!  I'm no angel or anything, but I deserve better than what she gives me.  And I work really hard to try to make her like me.  But no matter what I do, she'll never treat me with respect.  The good thing though, is that he sees what she does and it really bothers him too.  He's always sticking up for me and defending me to her and telling her how she needs to forgive me and move on because he has.  So I'm really glad that he does that, even if she doesn't listen.  And I was comforted by the fact that she was at least hearing him say those things, even if she doesn't change.  But now he's in Basic Training until May, so he can't do anything about the way she is to me while he's gone.  And she's been absolutely horrible to me since he left.  Just simple things too, to make it known to me that she hates me.  For example, he made a facebook group about him going to basic so that friends could keep up with how he was doing.  He made me and his best friend and his sister (who also hates me) admins so we could update it and send out messages and get his address out there when we got it.  Well, when I got my first letter from him, I went on there and just wrote a short little update on the wall of the group telling them a little bit about how he was doing and stuff like that.  I was really nice and thanked everyone for keeping him in their thoughts and prayers.  Well, the next day...what I wrote was gone.  I know his mom somehow did it, whether she called his sister and told her take it off or if she got into his account or whatever.  Then later that day she wrote something about how she had talked to him on the phone that day and bragging all about that, and put pretty much the exact same update I put!!!  At first, I was just willing to give her the benefit of the doubt and think that maybe facebook messed up or something, but then it happened a second time, the next time I posted something after getting a letter.  And then it happened a third time.  But when it happened the third time, I just re-posted it and it's stayed there ever since.  She probably realizes how obvious it would be if it disappeared twice in a row.  But yeah, just little things like that.  She'll delete everything that I write, but if another one of his friends writes something, she'll write on there and make a really big deal thanking them for posting and for being such a good friend to him and for praying for him.  WTF??????

Then I got a message from his sister saying I wasn't allowed to come to Family Weekend...Bull Crap.  I know for a fact that's a lie, and I told her that.  I don't think they realize that he's going to find out about all this when he gets out of Basic, and it's not going to make them happy.  If Family Weekend comes and I'm not there because his family made such a stink about it, and he's sitting there wondering why I'm not there when all the other soldiers' girlfriends are, he's going to know that his family is why.  His mom doesn't realize that by being so awful to me, she's just going to make him mad and push him away.  I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH HER!!!!!  Like I said, it's easy to deal with when he's here and can kind of keep her under control, but when he's not here to say anything to her, all hell breaks loose and she's an evil vindictive b*tch.  That is the only possible way to describe her.  

So...all that to say...are any of you in a similar situation?  I'm in a few different groups about having boyfriends' mothers that are difficult, and I was going to write in there, but I thought that my Army girls might be able to help more.  Because I'm going to have to learn to deal with her when he's not around...the rest of his time in Basic, and when he gets stationed far away from me, and if he ever gets deployed.  I'm trying as hard as I can to form a good relationship with her...I've written a couple of nice letters and stuff like that.  I'm being nice to her, even though it makes me nauseous, because I don't want any of this to come back on me.  If he finds out that I did everything I could to be nice to them and make a good relationship with them and they still treated me like crap, it'll encourage him to do something about it more than if I was ugly back to them.  Because I know that he knows how difficult and horrible his mother is, but if he found out I was horrible back to her, it wouldn't make him happy.  UGH!!!!!  Ok, I think I'm alright now...I just needed to vent.   

Do any of you, in this same kind of situation or not, have any advice about how to try to form a good relationship with his family when he's gone?  Any advice or similar experiences would be much appreciated.  

UnconditionallyHis UnconditionallyHis
22-25, F
3 Responses Feb 28, 2010

You shouldn't miss family day because the person who loves you will be there waiting to see you and about his family honestly just keep being nice.. Time will teach her.. Like if she keeps doing that she is going to lose her son.. So just keep being nice and show your boyfriend that you are there for him no matter what his family says.. the importante thing is being there for him always:D Good Luck to ya girl.. Maybe someday she will forget everything and forgive you...

Keep being nice to her, if she can't forgive and forget thats on her. She is the one who will have to live with that in the long run. She acting really immature and whatever happen in the past was between you and your bf and she just needs to learn to stay out of you guys business. I would say continue to do what you do and don't you miss Family Day! Good Luck with everything!

Go to his family day! If you don't, the only person who that hurts is your boyfriend. You do not have to socialize with them. I do just fine without communicating with my husband's mother. I am blessed enough to have his dad and stepmom. My hubby and I eloped and his mother...UGH! she introduced me to a room full of people "This is my new daughter-in-law. She married my baby. And...no, she is not pregnant." She is not on the top of my favorites list...but I married her son and love him. I chose not to talk to her.