I Know I'm Not Technically An Army Girlfriend Yet...

Hi, I'm Anna. My boyfriend Ryan and I have been together for a little over three and a half years, and have lived together for two and a half. During this time we have both grown and changed in different ways, and we have endured our fair share of relationship struggles. Sometimes I've felt like I should just call it quits on our relationship, but the thought has never been more than fleeting, and our arguements have never been frequent, and even our most heated have not lasted for more than a few hours. We've battled it all it seems -  infedelity, addiction, joblessness on his part; resentmesnt, self hate, and low self esteem on mine; and through it all we've come out stronger.

Ryan is my best friend. He is the person I talk to when I've had a bad day. He's the shoulder I cry on when I miss my mom, who I haven't seen in 3 years because she lives in another state. We have the same humor, laugh at the same jokes, enjoy the same adventures. We've shared some amazing times. He has been the one constant in my life for so long now. The one person I could depend on when others - even family, have come and gone. The fact is, Ryan is the love of my life. I have never been the type of person to take love lightly, and I know with everything in me that he is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. And I know he feels the same, which is why he signed on to join the Army.

After spending almost a year without a job or a prospect in sight, Ryan signed up for the infantry. His reasoning was that he was sick of letting me down, that I deserved better than having to support him, and that it was something he'd always wanted to do. He said that he felt that our relationship was strong enough to endure the hardships, and that he'd come back a stronger, more responsible man. My immediate reaction was much like I feel now - conflicted. I was happy to see that he was finally doing something other than lie around the house. I looked forward to alone time, which is something you don't get much of when the person you live with doesn't work or go out. I was certain that the time would stregthen our relationship and give us both much needed time to grow. But I was worried, and scared, nervous, even angry sometimes.

I still feel all of that. Only now, I feel lonely. He left in the early morning yesterday. He'll be in Fort Benning on Wednesday. It's only basic and AIT, but it's at least three months apart. It's such a long time to be seperated from someone who is such a huge part of my life. It's only been a day apart, but It's already hard. Getting up for work this morning and not seeing him sound asleep broke my heart. Coming home to only the cats was worse. I'm dreading going to bed. I may just sleep on the couch in the livingroom for a few days, just to feel something behind me. I already miss his laugh, his scent, the silly commentary on what's on the tv while I cook. A friend came over to hang out tonight to make me feel better, but it wasn't the same. I can't reach out to her and feel him. It's only day one, but what makes it hard is that I know there are going to be a hundred more days like it until I see him again. Then I'll have him for a month or so, then it'll start again, probably farther, and with a new set of emotions.

I know we'll be okay. I know I'm strong enough to handle this. Nomatter how lonely I get, I will support him and write him to tell him that I'm fine. I know that ultimately, this is a temporary situation in a permanent relationship. He'll be back, and while he's gone I'll do things for me that need to be done. But the knowing doesn't take the hurt away. The knowing doesn't make him closer now. And that's all I really want.

But since I can't have that, I'm hoping I can at least find some people to talk to. I'm sure the feelings I have will get heavier before they get better. My friends are great, but nothing compares to personal experience. So please forgive me for prematurely posting, but I didn't know where else to turn.

Thanks,

Anna

MissKikiM MissKikiM
22-25, F
5 Responses Mar 2, 2010

Thanks ladies. he craziest things make me miss him already, and while my friends are empathetic, they don't truely understand. A friend related it to when her boyfriend of 4 years and she broke up, and I couldn't get her to understand how very different the feelings are. :) It makes me feel better already though to know that I will have people to talk to who have been through this already. Thanks again!

i so hope you find these people here as help becuase they are amazing women!! you guys have been together for a long time..just another bump in ur road =))

Hey girl, my boyfriend is at Ft Benning too. It is very hard to be away from our guys, and i often get caught up in thinking about the future and how many more times and months I will be away from him. But, try not to do that. it just makes it harder. If you focus on now, and antisipate seeing him again, rather than not being able to be with him, it will make things a bit easier. if you every need to talk, i'm here. just message me or something. :)

Girly. :D Feel free to message me anytime you need to talk! :D My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years and when he left it was very difficult to deal with. But, I promise, things will get easier. :D You'll have your good days and bad days. But it's all worth it in the end.

Sweetheart, you're an Army girlfriend. You're on of us now...the strength behind the strong. My hubby is at Benning. If you ever need to talk...I am here.