Choices To Make...

Hello everyone. :) I'm so glad I found a place to share my story and to get some advice from strong women going through roughly the same situations.

Let me just tell you about my situation. I've known my boyfriend for over two years now, even before he joined the military. He went to basic training and is now an MP. He's been to Iraq and we've been dating ever since he came home this September. We've literally been inseperable, and we spend almost every day together. We're completely happy and I'm glad that he was my best friend before he became my boyfriend.

He's in the National Guard, and his living situation is a little difficult. He's only 19 and he lives with a friend and his friends family. He recruited that friend, so sometime this summer, his friend will be leaving for basic. My boyfriend has been told that he can't stay with that family once his friend goes for basic, and he isn't having much luck around our area with a job or a place to live. He's very interested in active duty, and once I started learning more about it, it seemed to be more and more like something that he would enjoy.

Here's the thing: I'm 17. I turn 18 on May 1st, and I graduate from high school in early May. I was planning on going to Neumann University, but my boyfriend and I really want to stay together. I know I'm young, but he's been a big part of my life for years and we rarely fight. My high school is a vo-tech school, so in May I can also take my boards to get my LPN license. We talked and the only situation we can see working out is if I go with him on his active duty. Today I went to the recruiting office with him to talk about the details and answer some of my questions.

But I really, really, really need some advice. I'm very young (I know this) and I had plans for college. If I go with him, we'd be able to transfer his college funds so that I could go to school. It would obviously be a different school than Neumann, but as long as it has a good nursing program, I'll be happy with it. My health care would be covered, as well as dental care and life insurance. He's told me many times that he would support me financially, but I would certainly go to college and get a job (I've been working for 2 years as it is, and I have my CNA license which can get me a job in hospitals) to help out. We'd have plenty of time to work out a financial plan if we got started now.

If I didn't go with him, I would just go ahead and attend the four year university. I'd have to take plenty of loans to pay for it, and I wouldn't be able to do long- distance for four years. It just seems so much more secure (financially, emotionally, etc.) if I went with him...

I'm certain that I want to do this, and once I turn 18 I'll be able to go with him. But how do I tell my mom all of this? Also, what are all of your opinions on it?

What other things should I be worrying about?

HannahHideous HannahHideous
18-21, F
14 Responses Mar 2, 2010

I understand what you are saying ^up there comment^ but military life is FULL of moving, being in new places, and having to deal with being alone. It will become part of your life if you are with a soldier (especially if you marry one). HannahHideous...if you are still willing to give up your dream school to be with him after knowing you could very well wind up alone (him be deployed) shortly after....then you can do this.

DO NOT DO IT. I have been with my boyfriend for three years and I decided to go to school in boston (we both live in chicago)... well guess what. about a month after I left he was deployed. You do NOT want to be stuck in a new city, at a new school, all alone dealing with him leaving and everything else. You are young and if you really love each other then you will make it work and will wait for each other. And if you cannot do that then you really have no business getting married or anything else to begin with. Things change, trust me. You should never give up your life for what he is doing.

Thank you everyone for all of your support.<br />
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I'm going to go with him- I've made that choice so far. I guess we'll just have to see if he proposes.<br />
If we just move in together, we'd have to stay off base because only legally or blood related family can live on base. I'm sure you ladies already know that.<br />
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But I think he is going to... :)

Thank you everyone for all of your support.<br />
<br />
I'm going to go with him- I've made that choice so far. I guess we'll just have to see if he proposes.<br />
If we just move in together, we'd have to stay off base because only legally or blood related family can live on base. I'm sure you ladies already know that.<br />
<br />
But I think he is going to... :)

i would go with him. my highschool is completely base around nursing we even where scubs as a uniform. and when i graduate this june i can become a nursing assistant also. but my boyfriend is doing BCT now and when he comes back we plan on getting married. i already had my college set and everything. but ever letter i get he writes me talking bout his GI bill and how they will pay for my schooling and all of that stuff. but the thing was at first i wanted to stay here instead of moving to whatever the army sends him. but now this time apart made me reconsider that and just go with him cause i can go to any college where ever they send him. so basically do what your heart tells you.

I would most definitely go for it. It sounds like you love this man a lot and ya know what sometimes people fall in love at a young age! My boyfriends parents got married in the army after 4 days of knowing eachother and are COMPLETELY in love with eachother and I believe they were 19 years old still a young age... I have never seen a couple so in love with eachother. I would sit down seriously with your mom and tell him how much you love your boyfriend and that confidently that you WANT to marry this eventually and so you want to stay with him and for them to support you in that decision. Some people mature at a young age. My boyfriend and I have been dating for six years and yeah we aren't married yet we are taking things a little bit more slow but like evana says age is ONLY a number. If your ready for the next step in yours and his relationship take that step if hes ready to take it with you, which it seems to be that he does. ANd if you two have a strong connection then you two wil most definitely get through it :)

I got married at 18. Age is only a number. If this is truely what you want and you have thought this through...then follow your heart. You mom may not be on board right away but she'll come around.

I've been with my boy for almost a year and a half now. He wants to get married before I even turn 18. I love him, and will do anything for him, but even I want to wait on this. I'm not going with him until after he gets back from his deployment (a year from June-ish). By then we'd be together almost three years, so it makes sense to wait. Granted the majority of our relationship he's been away, it's all worth it. These types of relationships mature you really fast. I get the fact that we're young. Most girls our age wouldn't last a minute in these types of relationships. But if you wait it out, it may seem hard, it'll prove to you just how worth it the relationship is. Evan and I have been doing the long distance thing since he left for basic in July of last year. I've seen him only twice since July, and one period was for only two days! We've had our problems, because the distance really isn't easy, it's like a test and it pushes you, it causes stress. But you have to push through that. I'm not saying put your dreams on hold at all, and I'm not going to tell you not to go with him, because even though you're young, you're old enough to make your own decisions. I don't really know what to say about talking to the parents thing, because Evan told my mom that I'm the girl he's going to marry. I can't see myself with anyone else, we've been through this whole process and eventually I'm going over to Germany with him. But by the time I'm going to Germany, I'll already have finished my first year in college, and I'll only be over there for 6 months, taking a semester over there or online. When it all comes down to it, you have to follow your heart, just take everything into consideration! I'm always here to talk(: Haha, sorry for the long drawn out nonsense! (:

It seems to me that you are mature beyond your years! I wish I had been as smart as you two years ago! I mean you already have your CNA holy cow!! You go girl! It seems to me that you have a good head on your shoulders and your parents should respect your decisions. I do agree with Den4ce in that you really need to see if he is the one for you. Your story is awesome and I hope for the best for you!

I just turned 18 and my boyfriend is 19! and he's in the reserves, so its similar to the national guard. Let me tell you what we're doing. Instead of him going active right now, I'm so young and I decided I want to go to school, I'm going to ASU for nursing! Haha. So he's going to school and doing army ROTC and they'll pay for everything, plus give him his GI bill, so that could help me with my college. and then he has to go active after college, so at that point I could follow him! I found that to be a good solution... But its all up to you! I used to believe that I would do anything to live with him, right out of college, but I realized that if we're going to be together, certain things can wait. And you need to make sure that you're making the best decision for YOU first. It can be good for both of you, but make sure you're happy with the decision you make!

I am willing to give up the school of my dreams for him! i intend on doing what i must to make this work. and yes it is definetely good knowing that there are others that really do understand bc people with normal relationships dont always understand! <br />
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I was too but i just started talking one day and kept talking until she got the point that i was considering not going to the school i have always wanted... she just kind of looked at me and at first she was a little against it but when she finally realized that i was still going to go to college and pursue my dreams, she came around!

thanks both of you. :)<br />
i've thought about a lot of that stuff, and im fine with going to another school. honestly, as long as i get my nursing license, i don't care where i go. as long as i'm with him.<br />
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and wow, you're seventeen too!? it's great to know that there are other girls my age dealing with the same problems.<br />
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i'm so nervous about telling my mom, i don't even know where to begin to bring it up. and he wants to talk to my parents as well.

i have been considering going with mine to wherever he goes when he is stationed. my mom and i discussed it and she was more understanding than i thought. have faith that everything will work out and just talk about it with her she might suprise you. i am 17 also and still have a year left in high school so i know where your coming from with the young stuff... but it will be okay =)

I would just take into consideration if you broke up, would you be ok with going somewhere besides Neumann. What if you break up after a month of changing your whole life? I am not trying to say that you all will, but I would hate for you to change your whole life for a guy, and then have it not work out. Again, I am not saying that you all will break up. Anyways, besides that your story is sooo cute. I hope this helps, I am not trying to be a downer, just giving you some stuff to think about. Good luck!