Sacrifices... For What?

I have been with my boyfriend for over three years now, and he has been gone for over a year now.  (About six months at Fort Sam Houston in Texas and about six in Kuwait).  I'm more than capable of handling him being gone, I have done if for so long now.  But ever since he left our relationship has started to get worse.  And its not the trust thing, he knows I would never cheat on him.  It's more the other way around.

Edy came home on leave about three weeks ago, and I found out he was talking to his ex girlfriend (that he dated for a long time before he and I got together).  But they aren't just talking.  It's obsessive.  I mean $203 over his phone bill texting her and sending her roses for her birthday obsessive.  Normally I am not the type of person to get jealous, but he has cheated on me before (with someone else) and I don't trust that this is not the same thing.  But when I tell him this he just says "I'm overseas.... what can I do here?"  I just don't know if I am willing to wait another 6-8 months for him to come home and possibly try to be with her. 

I have sacrificed enough for this relationship already, and I've become incredibly disillusioned by the whole thing.  She left him because he joined the Army, and I stayed even after he was deployed.  I've stayed for over three years, but I don't know if I can stay any longer.  Or if I want to.  And I don't think it is the fault of the Army or this deployment.  I'm pretty sure it is just who he is.  But I feel guilty walking away now, when he is fighting for all of us because I promised him that I would always be there no matter what.  

But at what point do you stop sacrificing your own life for his?

Schennkin26 Schennkin26
18-21, F
3 Responses Mar 10, 2010

Thanks to both of you. I just wanted to let you know that I found out he wasn't just talking to the one ex girlfriend, but also the girl he cheated on me with. So our relationship is officially over and I feel alright about that. I guess I'm not an "Army Girlfriend" anymore. <br />
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Thanks again.

I agree. It's emotional cheating. I hate to say this, but every text he's sending her is a text he could be sending you. Flowers on her birthdays are flowers you could have gotten just because. Just because he is overseas and can't physically be with her, doesn't mean that he can't cheat on you with attention that he could be giving you instead. <br />
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Yes, he is far away and things are hard for him and you promised to be there and be faithful; but that should never be an unconditional promise. It's hard for you too, and you have plenty more chances to do something shady, and you don't. He has to really work to be shady, and it is not your duty to put up with that. I think talking to him about it is a good thing, but would you be able to trust that he's keeping his word? <br />
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It's not worth it if you can't. It's one thing to wait for someone to come home, another thing to wait for them to commit to you the way that you commit to them. I'm sorry you're going through this. If you ever need someone just to listen, please feel free to give me a message and we can chat online or something.

You asked for advice, and I'm definately not trying to tell you what to do, I just simply want to give you my opinion. Its not right. No excuse for his behavior at all. I don't care if he's overseas and cant physically cheat on you. Emotional cheating is just as bad to me, if not worse. I wouldnt be comfortable with my boyfriend talking to his ex's, and we've run into this problem before, not to your extent, but where they've talked. And I didn't try to control him, but I let him know how it made me feel, and he had actually cheated on me before a long time ago with someone else. And I let him know I wasn't comfortable with it, and I the reasons why. And it did stop. There were occasional problems, but if you love him, and he loves you, then talk to him. Communication is the ONLY way you'll work. I wouldn't ignore it though. Its not right to make you feel like you're feeling.