What Would You Do?

Okay so my last post was a little bit of anger and alot of no sleep! Thank you to the ladies who responded and were so nice to a complete stranger. So i spoke to my man( yes he is still my man) and he told me that first of all he didn't't't even remember writing the email and that this "girl" was a massage therapist and not an escort. I yelled at him for about a good hour letting him know that i felt disrespected and that what did i ever do to deserve this. He said he was sorry but ways very upset that i went through his email. I have never gone through his emails before but something inside me was telling me i needed to. He also told me that he has changed and doesn't know why he is like this. Okay by that i mean he looks at **** now. When i first met him he told me that he never did that or looked at the stuff, and i was so impressed by his self control. I know that supposedly every guy looks at **** but i just find it very deceitful. Another ending note on our conversation is that he feels like he might need a little time for just him. He has not been single for 7 years and I think he is feeling alot of pressure to marry me right away. We have been together for 3 years but in guy time that's 6 months. He told me that he is sick of girls drama and might just need to focus on himself and our son.

What is weird about all of this is that i respect what he is saying and the truth behind it. If he needs some time alone i would rather him take it and not get to deep with no way out. WE have deep feelings for one another and to know that we are on the brink of separating makes me want a life line. And time apart just might be the answer. Today i woke up feeling like a new person. I am no longer clouded by the thoughts that we MIGHT be together for ever just because we HAVE to but that we are both mature enough to work this out on our own terms. I also could not let this take over my life. I have a 4 month old who needs his mommy to be there and not somewhere else thinking about the what ifs. Surprisingly  having him be 6000 miles away also makes this easier. This is because no matter what we decided right now will obviously change once he is home. So we both have a little more time to really think about what we want and not make a harsh decision because we don't have time to cool down.

AM i being that stupid girl who just won't leave even though the relationship is too far gone to save? We are both changing and it is scaring me. I want my man to know that i am willing to make this work not only for our son but for the fact that i know what we have is rare. Would you stay around and wait when the future might be harder then you could even imagine? Is anyone else going through this? Sometimes i feel like this life style is ruining everything between him and I. The silly thing about this whole situation is that i do believe him and i do trust him. But why is it that when i look at anything i always seem to blow it out of proportion. Is this my inner conscience telling me that I'm worried, or that i should be worried?

I feel lost...

I haven't spoken to him today and i will not until Monday because he is on a tour. So i have some time to think about this. But what if we both think differently about how much more we can take. I don't want to lose my best friend just because i'm an emotional women who can't keep her imagination under control. Why is it as women we think to much??

Thankfulmommy20 Thankfulmommy20
18-21, F
1 Response Mar 11, 2010

Hey girlie, wow that is a lot to swallow whats been happening with you. I am sorry to hear. In all honestly I dont think its bad to check his email etc. I mean does he know you have his password and stuff? My boyfriend gave me his phone,bank, email accts before he went to deploy so i can stay on top of things for him. I decided to check everything since we have been dating. I DO TRUST HIM. but when he gives me the information they for my own sanity I had to double check nothing crazy was going on. You could be in love with the best guy in the world, but im sorry this situation can change a person or make them go a little crazy. I felt guilty for looking at his htings but I also have dated other guys in the past and have been burned. I even told him I looked at it and he was upset that "I checked up" on him. I just feel like if there is nothing to hide then there is no reason to be mad. There is no reason for him to get defensive you know, if he was home that never would of happened. The fact that we are in this stressful situation and away from them its going to make the most confident girl insecure, its just how it is and in my opinion its perfectly fine to look into things for your piece of mind. I think you have your head on straight and need to focus on your son. I also think its good that you let him take the time if thats what he needs because like you said before its too late or your in too deep. If he means that much to you then see what will happen. There are risks in life with everything. I had come to a similar point where i didnt know if i should walk away or stick it out with my bf. I decided I couldnt just let him leave my life like that, we worked it out and things have been better and better as time goes on. GOOD LUCK! Message me if you need anything xo.