Is It Ok To Not Want To Rush?

is it ok for me to not want to marry my soldier right now? not that i don't want to marry him at all, just not right now. we've been talking abour marriage a lot in our letters, to the point where its become the main topic of most of them. but i read a letter he sent to his best friend back here at college today, and he said that he didn't know what was going to happen, and that he felt pressured  by my sister getting married in the summer. i think maybe he feels pressured by the other guys at basic too, for the same thing that i've noticed here. so many army couples are getting engaged and married! and i guess we feel like we're supposed to as well. but it was actually really good for me to hear that he was having doubts. because i have doubts about it alot, and i've been stressing out about it alot lately because he keeps saying that he wants to get married as soon as possible. i do WANT to marry him, just not yet. we're only 18 (he's almost 19), and we've only been dating for 6 months, 2 of which we've been apart. and he has the army and i have school right now. i feel like we've focused most of our time as a couple on getting to know each other on an emotional and physical level, while not really getting to find out the little things that simple friends know about each other. i mean, i'm going to see him for his birthday on easter and i don't know what to get him! and his christmas present for me was something i would never pick out for myself. i just don't think we're ready to get married yet. actually, i know we're not. but that doesn't mean everything has to end. its not like thats the only option after he graduates from basic. we know that we love each other, and anyone that knows us and has seen us together could tell you that as well. we don't need to get married to prove our love, because we don't need to prove it, we already know it exsists and how strong it is. i love my baby so so much! but i don't want to rush into anything that i know we're not ready for. i'm glad i was able to read what he told our friend, but i wish he'd had the courage to tell me, rather than making out that he never has any doubts and absolutely wants to marry as soon as possible. is it bad that i don't want to rush and get married, even though we love each other?

bkbarnes bkbarnes
18-21, F
4 Responses Mar 12, 2010

Dont get married if you feel pressured. I have been with my soldier for 6 years now. Im 20 and he is about to turn 21. He is getting ready for his first deployment. Everyone asked if we were gonna get married before he left. We dont feel like we need to get married right now. im trying to get my school finished and the time is not right for us. It does seem like everyone is getting married. When the time is right you will know. You have your whole life. Good luck girl.

thank you girls so much. it really helped to realize that i'm not crazy or the only one that's in this situation. :)

Okay, I'm in the same position as you! I want to get married to my boyfriend, eventually. I'm 18, and he just turned 19 last week. I decided that theres no reason to rush. This site is so helpful, but I also see EVERYONE getting married or engaged. We talk about it all the time, me and my boyfriend. And I think he feels a little pressured by the boys in the army too, because they're all getting married. But I'm starting college next year, and he is focusing on the army. So I decided theres no reason to rush. I believe we'll be together anyways, marriage wont change our love. Someday, when we've gotten through our crazy schedules of school and the army, marriage will come. Its something to look forward to through the next few years. So don't rush if you dont want to!

You are pretty young to get married. I got married when i was 19, and it was after he got done with basic and AIT. After living with him for a while, I got sick of his ways. He drank and partied with his army friends, and i was always left cleaning up or being a designated driver. He ended up going on a short deployment to Kuwait Pre-911 and then returning in Dec. of 2001. During his time away i was nothing like his wife, so i ended up leaving him when he came back, for my own security. Feeling sad for my mistakes, and being alone, i wanted to get back with him. After a year separated, he came for training near my home and I ended up getting pregnant in 2003. About 6 months into my pregnancy he ETS and came home. After we had the baby we moved back in together. Nothing was good. The drinking continued, and abuse began. In 2005, i got pregnant again. Still i stayed with him through abuse and drinking (i hate thinking about that). It wasn't until 2008 that i finally left him and took our kids. <br />
So i'm not saying that this is your situation, or that this will happen to you, but i am saying you are still young. I'm 29 years old with 2 kids, and a douchebag ex-husband. I'm trying to get my life back together. I have a wonderful boyfriend who loves me and my kids... oh and is getting deployed to Afghanistan (UURRRGGG!!!). <br />
Don't rush anything. Get to know your boyfriend before you make that decision. Good luck!