He Is So Stubborn Sometimes..

Ugh...So I already typed this once and erased the whole thing by accident. Here it goes again.

So, we are 17 days into his 400 day deployment. He has not left the states yet, still have a 4 day pass coming up next week. But, last night was pretty rough. I understand he is stressed, between, deploying, trainning, being away from home, etc., but is that an accuse to be an ******* with no compassion? Our love life hasn't been up to par, we have been fighting a lot, and just growing apart pretty fast. This is my first deployment, and his second tour. 

Well, last night we were on Skype, and it was so TERRIBLE. *** for tat, back and forth, I felt like such a horrible person. Is it a crime to be stressed out and talk about your feelings, tell him what you think could be different, what upsets you? He can do it but I can't, or atleast not the right way. It all started with a simple, "What do you want to do for my birthday? I thought I would let you plan it."  "Oh, I don't know. I don't like planning things." "Sometimes it would be nice if you planned something nice for me, it would have more meaning." Now, I am complaining, and pointing out his flaws. He told me he is not some ultra romantic guy out of a book or movie, that does faggy things. That I am just complaining, as far as I was concerned I was communicating, telling him what I want. He tells me I have to comminicate more, but everytime I try I am shot down. On his last two week leave, I asked for him to spend his last night home with me, having a special evening together. He retorts with, " IT'S MY LAST DAY HOME NOT YOURS. IF I WANT TO SPEND IT WITH MY FRIENDS THAT IS WHAT I WILL DO." Mind you we hung out with them ALL week. Correct me if I am wrong, but isn't that communicating? Telling him what I want? He is so stubborn sometimes, it is frustrating! Everything is a double standard, he can speak his mind but I can't without a fight. I am complaining, misunderstanding of his life, etc. I told him that I am trying to communicate and he won't let me, and that I wished he would telling me how he was feeling more, what he was thinking. "DON'T YOU EVER THINK THAT I AM JUST ******* FINE!" "I AM ALRIGHT NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT." That's not your feelings, that is just a smart *** remark. I hate it! We talk more when we are arguing than when we haven't seen each other in months. I feel like I am losing him. Does he ever think that this is a lot on me too?! I am stressed out too, maybe not to the degree of his stress, but still stressed. Also, on top of worrying about him, I am dealing with trying to go back to college, coping with moving in with my parents, trying to get my issues with myself worked out. I knew it was too good to be true, something had to go wrong. He was set so far from any other guy of my pass, but now he is falling in line with some of them. 

Sorry ladies, I just had a rough night of no sleep over this. Had to tell someone. Hope everyone is doing better than THIS. Stay strong. Hang in there!

LovinMyGunny LovinMyGunny
18-21, F
7 Responses Mar 16, 2010

Thanks girls! MissKikiM thanks for your input. I do think what you say is true. But the birthday thing, all I wanted was him to plan dinner or a movie, nothing special or romantic. It just means more knowing that he took the time to say hey I bet she would really appreciate this. You know? Armygf11 yeah it is SO frustrating. Its like talking to a brick wall sometimes. I don't understand how what I say can be fliped and screwed in his head to way he thinks I meant things. I try to point things out and he just tells me you are really still trying to fight and are still complaining. URGH! I want to rip my hair out with him sometimes. But hopefully it'll get better. Thanks!

My guy and i are hte same way. God forbid i tell him anything on how i felt. He would always yell at me telling me that i dont tell him anything and that i dont open up to him. When in realtiy he never opens up to me. It just gets so frustrating cause when you open up andtry ot comminicate he flips ouit on you. SO when my guy started doing it to me i would just keep pointing it out to him that i am trying to communicate and your flipping out on me and that you wnat me to open up to you then you better stop but i would be really pissed by then so i wouldnt be so nice about it. he should understand that this is your first deployment. he should want to spend time with you not just his friends. hope everything works out well.. message me anyitme

I dunno, I am sure many of the veteran army gf's will have different opinions than mine on it, I'm very new to the whole deal, but this makes the feminist in me so mad! I am sorry you are going through this. It seems from a lot of personal accounts and such that I've read, that girlfriends are kinda just expected to act like everything is wonderful and perfect and that we can survive on sunshine and soda pop to sustain our little hearts. Ugh. I get that you aren't supposed to make things more stressful, and are generally supposed to be positive, however I can't help but feel like it's unfair to expect you just to be OK with whatever he expects or wants to do. You have an equal part in the relationship, and he should remember that you are doing a lot of sacrificing to be with him and support him, and that you deserve his respect. One thing that I do think is a little odd though, is that you mentioned that he's never been really romantic and what not, never into the whole idea of planning romantic things. I must say that I do think it's a bit unreasonable to ask something like that of him during this time. I dunno...it's kinda like if your favorite pet died, and he asked you to go to a wrestling match with him that night. You'd kinda be like, "WTF, right now?" (Unless you like wrestling haha) it's kinda expecting something extraordinary during the least ideal time for it, you know?Anyway, I hope things get better for you. Keep us posted. :)

Thanks lady! Much appreciated!

Hi Elissa! Natalie here. I understand how surprising and hurtful a lash out can be. I remember the first time it happened with my boyfriend and I was like How....dare....you! Haha! But now it happens more regularly, but I truly believe that it's because as couples are together for a longer amount of time, they are more comfortable to bicker. In the beginning you want everything to be perfect, but as years go on you realize that person really loves you and a silly fight won't ruin anything. I do agree with you though, it doesn't seem like you're complaining at all. At this point, since something is clearly bothering him, I would just lay low on anything that would seem like a complaint to him. If he asks something like -how are you?- I would just respond with, really missing you, but I'm strong to handle this. And if he freaks out again when you ask him how he feels - remind him it's a simple question and if he can't talk to you without lashing out, he should get back to you when he's calm enough to have a normal conversation. Showing your guy that just because he's a tough spot, he can't talk to you that way! Be strong!

Thanks lady. It is so heart breaking to see him acting this way. It is not him. I mean the not openning up is, but the way he is treating me. I don't think it is quite fair. I try to explain and he tells me to stop complaining, and that I am always so negative. I don't like seeing him hurting, nor do I like hurting myself. But thanks for your comment, it helps to know I am not crazy. Ha! I am Elissa by the way.

Ouch - that is rough! I think it's hard for our guys to understand that even though they're the ones going through the deployment - we are going through it too - and it's really hard for us! I think even though he has been overseas before, he is still really worried and nervous and taking out his pent up frustrations on you. It's unfair and unfortunate, but you have to be strong and be there and see "even though you're frustrated, you can't take it out on me." Keep working on it. Boys are stubborn ******** a lot of the time! But if you ever feel he has lost complete respect for you and your relationship, then that's crossing the line.