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What Not To Say To A Military Wife/girlfriend:

I found this about a year ago and found it again a few days ago so I thought I'd share it with my fellow military SO's. I hope it makes you all smile too.

 

 

 

 

 

What NOT to say to a military Wife/Girlfriend! :

 

1.  "Aren't you afraid that he'll be killed?"

(This one ranks in at number one on the "duh" list. Of course we're afraid. We're terrified. The though always lingers at the backs of our minds --- but thanks brilliant. You just brought it back to the front. Maybe next you can go ask someone with cancer if they're scared of dying.)

 

2.  "I don't know how you manage. I don't think I could do it."

(This is intended to be a compliment. Though, it's just a little annoying. Here's why: it's not like all of us military wives/girlfriends have been dreaming since childhood of the day we'd get to be anxious single moms who carry cell phones with us to the bathroom and in the shower. We're not made of some mysterious matter that makes us more capable, we just got asked to take on a challinging job. So we rose to the challenge and found the strength to make sacrifices.)

 

3.  "At least he's not in Iraq."

(This is the number one most annoying comment for those whose husbands are in Afghanistan. What do they think is happening in Afghanistan? An international game of golf? Guys are fighting and dying over there.)

 

4.  "Do you think he'll get to come home for Christmas/anniversary/birthday/birth of a child/wedding/family reunion, etc.?"

(Don't you watch the news? No! They don't get to come home for any of these things. Please don't ask again.)

 

5.  "What are you going to do to keep yourself busy while he is gone?"

(Short answer: Try to keep my sanity. Maybe there's a military wife/girlfriend out there who gets bored when her husband/boyfriend leaves, but I have yet to meet her. For the rest of us, those with and without children, we find ourselves having to be two people. That keeps us plenty busy. We do get lonely, but we don't get bored, and drinking massive amounts of wine always keeps me busy.)

 

6.  "How much longer does he have until he can get out?"

(This one is annoying to many of us whether our husbands/boyfriends are deployed or not. Many of our husbands aren't counting down the days untl they "can" get out. Many of them keep signing back up again and again because they actually love what they do or they VOLUNTEER AGAIN and AGAIN to go back to Iraq b/c there is work that needs to be done.)

 

7.  "This deployment shouldn't be so bad, now that you're used to it."

(Sure, we do learn coping skills and it's true the more deployments you've gone through, the easier dealing with it becomes. And we figure out ways to make life go smoother while the guys are gone. But it never gets "easy" and the bullets and bombs don't skip over our guys just because they've been there before. Te worry never goes away.)

 

8.  "My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks. I totally know what you're going through."

(This one is similar to number two. Do not equate your husband's three week trip to London/Omaha/Tokyo/eyc. with a 12-15 month or more deployment to a war zone. Aside from the obvious time difference, nobody shot at your husband or tried to blow him up with an I.E.D., your husband could call home pretty much any time he wanted to, he flew comfortably on a commercial plane, slept between crisp and white sheets and ate well, paying for everything with an expense account. There is no comparison. We do not feel bonded to you in the slightest because of this comment and, if anything, we probably resent you a bit for it. Comparing a 12 month combat deployment to a few weeks business trip is like comparing a crappy Ford Taurus with a Mercedes-Benz convertible.)

 

9.  "Wow you must miss him?"

(This one also get s another big "duh." Of course we miss our men. There are some wives who do not and they're now divorced.)

 

10.  "Where is he exactly? Where is that?"

(I dn't expect non-military folks to be able to find Anbar Province on a map, but they should know by now that it's in Iraq. Likewise, know that Kabul and Kandahar are in Afghanistan. Know that Muqtada al Sadr is the insurgent leader of the Mahdi army in Iraw and that Sadr city is his home area. Know that Iran is a major threat to our country and is located between Afghanistan and Iraq. Our country has been at war in Afghanistan for seven years and at war in Iraq for five years. These basic facts are not secrets, they're on the news every night and in the papers every day --- and on maps everywhere.)

 

11.  "Well he signed up for it, so t's his fault whatever happens over there."

(Yes, ignorant, he did sign up. Each and every day he protects your right to make stupid comments like that. He didn't sign up and be asked to be hit by anything, he signed up to protect his country. Oh, and by the way, he asked me to tell you that, "You're welcome." He's still fighting for your freedom.)

 

12.  "Don't you miss sex? I couldn't do it!"

(hmmm, no I don't miss sex. I'm a robot. Seriously... military spouses learn quickly that our relationships must be founded on something greater than sex. Welearn to appreciate the important things, like simply hearing their voices, seeing their faces, being able to have dinner together every night. and the hard truth is, most relationships probably couldn't withstand 12 months of sex deprivation.)

 

13.  "Well in my opinion...."

(Stop right there. Yo, I didn't ask for your personal political opinions. Hey, I love a heated political debate, but not in the grocery store, not in Jamba Juice, not at Nordstrom, not in a bar when i'm out with my girls trying to forget the war, and CERTAINLY NOT AT WORK. We tell co-workers about deployments so when we have to spend lunch hours running our butts off doing errands and taking care of the house, dog, and kids, they have an understanding. We do not tell co-workers and colleagues because we are giving an invitation to ramble about politics or because we so eagerly want to hear how much they hate the President, especially while we're trying to heat up our Lean Cuisines in the crappy office microwaves.)

 

Last but not least....

14.  "OH, that's horrible... i'm so sorry!"

(He's doing his job and he's a rockstar. Don't be sorry. Be appreciative and please take a moment out of your comfortable American lives to realize that our soldiers fight the wars abroad so those wars stay abroad.)

If you want to say anuthing, say thank you. After all, we are sexually deprived for your freedom.

brunnett05 brunnett05 18-21, F 115 Responses Apr 17, 2010

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well now I don't think I want to ask a lady to take the challenge of being with a soldier

I am a Royal Marines commando for the british military my GF knows how it feels when ever I leave to Afghanistan I tell her how much I love her and show her how much I love her. Although I miss her so much I often ask myself did I do the right thing by joining

Ok so I am going to print this out for all of the naysayers

My mom says to me all the time. " I need to find someone who will be home with me every night, just in case something happens." Honestly. I'm not saying nothing will happen, but that's a risk im willing to take to be with someone I love! Her and I fight all the time over the comments she makes about him being deployed. I miss him ):

People who have the nerve to talk trash about the military to an army girlfriend/wife clearly do not see the dangerous land mine they just jumped into. God people are ignorant and its all we can do to not punch them in the face. God bless our soliders, ladies.

i miss my soldier...he been away for 2 yrs....hahah these are funny but true

Here are two I hate the most. 'Man I feel sorry for you. While he's gone, does that mean you are single?' and 'You're dating military? I hope for your sake that if you get married, you have divorce papers started just in case.'

I would just like to say, you can't forget about my GIRLFRIEND, that isn't my boyfriend or husband, but my girlfriend, future wife, love, etc. I love this post and it comforted me a lot. So thank you :)

I miss my love so much. It's so hard because I'm a very insecure person and he's the only one who knows how to help me calm down and be myself. We have been together for a year and I'm driving myself crazy overthinking everything. I just need some people to talk to who understand since he's not here to talk to. I keep going back and forth between marriage and just insane thoughts pop in like I can't do this or I'm not ready to be married. Does anyone else feel like this?

If you need anything i'll be here, im going crazy as well. I feel so guilty when i tell my SO that im upsets but sometimes i can't hold it in. I understand what your going through.

For some reason, women in general have been blessed with extremely insecure tendencies. This quality makes separation a lot worse, but call on the support of your family and friends to help you through it. Good luck sugar

Thank you so much for sharing! This made my day. :)

best one 12. "Don't you miss sex? I couldn't do it!" how stupid are people not even stupid self-obsessed....at least you can say that the relationship is more than just sex, it has to be, and me i prefer my guy to be caring about something bigger than himself, and the emotional connection i have with him is stronger than anything

In reference to one of them, one of the best lines I heard a friend say was "My husband risks his life so you can run that ugly mouth. You're welcome"

I seriously love this so much. I've read it 5 times now, and it still makes me smile!

Thank you so much for finding this! Put a huge smile on my face!

This is hilarious and so true. I smiled and laughed the whole time. My mans just in basic and people ask me these stupid questions. I cant imagine what im going to get when his first deployment comes up.

trust me the questions get even more stupid..

I'm only days into my soldiers deployment and reading that helps. I know I'm not alone- when I don't wanna talk about my feelings to the world. It's not about us it's about us being there for them so they can do their job well and come back to us safely!!

hahaha! yes! hit it right on the nose.

TRUE all of it and more. My father was military and its amazing what kids (any age) think and say. Most don't think past their little world. I say people like that suffer from "Educational Laziness"

I love this! So true!!

thank you soooo much for this, your comments on their responces made me laugh.. thank you.. this is soooo true I think people try to help and dont know what to say.. and end up saying the wrong things and they upset us not knowing... because they have not gone through this experience sometimes they feel because they have been away from their significant other(buisness trip) for example that they think they relate to us.. well they do on a small level but its completly different in a war zone then a buisness trip but I dont think they realize what they are saying... maybe also cuz they arent sure what to say.. thank you agian:)

This just made my day :) so true.

This article made my day. I've been having a rough time today. My boyfriend is deployed and I haven't been able to talk to him in over a week. Thank you!

i love this!! girl, you definitely speak the truth!! i would give anything to have dinner with my man everynight before we go to bed to have an amazing night of sex...but its simply not the reality. the people who dont understand...never will. they will continue to voice their opinions on topics they know nothing about, eat the food of their choosing every night, only feel sympathetic about the war and the soldiers once its brought to their attention, and not give two fuckks about anything other than what they are going to wear out to the bars that night. must be rough.

awesooome!

<3 it

<3 it

amen someones finallly putting it out there! stick together! (: we will end up reunited with our men soon and once again have someone to wake up next too! stay strong! making them proud!

This is amazing :)

i love the last comment in the post! lmao. but yes. I thank all of your husbands and boyfriends and all the single soldiers too. i thank every single one of them from every branch. they keep us safe. hopefully one day i can do the same and fight at their side for the sake of my family and citizens that cant fight for themselves.

Love this! thank you glad you all understand

Love this! thank you glad you all understand

Thanks<br />
<br />
As a retired veteran with two wars in my past, I can't appreciate the difficulty at home. I would rather be dealing with the danger in my face then sit helplessy 5,000 miles awat.<br />
After I got wounded someone wanted to pin a civilian service metal on my wife. She though "why me, why not every military wife" (she should have included all spouces and girl friends too.)

Thank you! I am a new military wife and I appreciated reading this.

"Do you miss sex?" HAHAHA. Thanks so much, love it.

My boyfriend is in the service and reading this made me laugh and smile alot!! I think one of the hardest things to hear on top of those are<br />
"How do you do it?" in regardes to long distance relationship advice....like what do you mean how do i do it?<br />
answer: Practice...alot and alot of practice. Day by day lol

******* kudos i loved it

i love this :) man ppl say some stupid things and its really quite offensive sometimes.. if they would think before they speak lol

found this song a while back when i was dating a guy in the military thought u guys might like it <br />
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XFnzbjftMwc...this link will take u to it

LOVE IT! I have been a military girlfriend quite a few times...and honestly wish i was again...

couldn't agree more

couldn't agree more

love every bit of this! it's all so true!

Amazing! haha

Brilliant. My husband is in the UK army and 'luckily' only does 6 month tours but I identify with all the above. However, American Army WAGS have it so much worse with 12 month+ tours. Not good!xx

I so love this.....Some people just don't understand what us military wives/girlfriends have to go through when our love one leave 4 a long deployment... they need to be grateful because they not losing their love one or spouse during war....they need to stop being ignorant and stop asking stupid/dumb bs questions like that.... people need to stop complaining about those 3weeks that they men are gone try putting yourself in our shoes those military wives/girlfriends that men are gone for months or a year or more than that yall men are coming home soon ours going to be gone for a while.....AND PEOPLE PLEASE STOP ASKING THOSE DUMB / STUPID QUESTIONS THAT YOU KNOW THE ANSWER TOO!!!!!!! FROM ME A PROUD MILITARY (ARMY) FIANCE (ME)

Love that!! Thanks for posting!

Yes!!! Thank you!! So so so friken much. I needed that girl! Amen!

L O L. Sooo true SOMEONE does get me. Hahaha<br />
All the things I'm too shy to say out loud but mad enough to scream inside my head<br />
Thank you!

Lol funny but true:)

Every one of those comments has somehow made it my way and I feel like a broken record having to explain this to people... The ignorance of the people in this country irritates me to no end, condsidering our boyfriends/husbands are fighting so they have the freedom and priviledge to be so close-minded and stupid. But to all the army girlfriends/wives out there reading this, stay strong, <3 I wish you all the best and safe return for your soldiers...

I LOVE this!! This seriously made my day =) It's been five months since I have seen my Soldier and it definitely doesn't get easier with people asking you how you deal with him being gone or how you keep your relationship alive and thriving without being near each other.

I have never commented on these sites before, but this was so comforting to read. For so long I felt like I was the only person in the world that heard these comments. Thanks for posting this.<br />
I'm a mom of a soldier that served in Afghanistan. Except for number 12, I have had the same comments made to me. It was an unbelievable difficult time waiting for his safe return. There wasn't a single day that passed that I didn't plan his funeral in my mind. I know that it was morbid, but the thoughts just kept coming.<br />
I had people tell me that if I prayed hard enough my son would be kept safe. That was awful on two counts. Did that mean that the soldiers that died over there, died because there families didn't pray hard enough for them? I don't think they realized that what they had just told me was if my son died, it was my fault.<br />
I know that people were trying to be supportive, but some of the comments simply defied logic.<br />
I'm proud of my soldier son. I'm proud that he was willing to put his life on hold here to fight for freedom and safety there.<br />
When I asked him why he felt compelled to go to Kandahar his response was enlightening. He said, "Mom we fight the fight over there so that it doesn't come here." <br />
While he was there they opened up schools for girls again. So to anyone here that "doesn't get it", I would encourage them to look into what we really do accomplish over there. It might just surprise you.

I loved it so many people said all there thing to me b4 and i've told them exacty what i thought it's nice to know women out there who go through the same thing i do when i'm waiting for my fiance to come home.

love it!

love it! so true haha

Very funny,honest!!!!!!! I am rather new to this life,but wouldn't trade it foe anything!!!!!

I LOVE IT ,,,,,,,,

Thanks, you had make me conscious about it. Coming from a country without army from my grandprents generation, it is hard to understand anything about it. You post is not funny to me. I had learned, for that, thanks. I hope your dear come back always safe to your love.

GeneNat:<br />
Although we respect your opinions, I completely disagree with you.<br />
When you are a Military S.O., struggling for every breath from being sick with worry and stress and loneliness, these questions/statements can be quite irritating (whether intended to be or not) and are the last things we feel like hearing. Being reminded of the fact that someone so special and important to you is in mortal danger in a place many miles away that you haven't spoken to in weeks and don't know when or if you will hear from them again so you know they are okay is not at ALL helpful in surviving the time apart. <br />
Point being, If you were to truly experience it, your opinions would not be the same.<br />
Try reading my post about what to say to a military S.O. It should help.

I have never met a military wife/gf and I think it's a great list of their pet peeves. But well in my opinion (Lol), I don't agree with the following: -<br />
<br />
4. "Do you think he'll get to come home for Christmas/anniversary/birthday/birth of a child/wedding/family reunion, etc.?"<br />
It's just a friendly question asking whether he's coming or not. That's all there is to it. I guess it could be irritating if a lot of people are asking you the same and probably it reminds you time and again that he's not coming but you can't really blame people to be asking this. If you are giving birth to a child then obviously people will ask whether he is coming or not. Just for the sake of knowing.<br />
<br />
10. Where is he exactly? Where is that?<br />
Not all people are interested in politics. Especially a lot of women. So if they don't know where the place is you may as well just tell them. I am a Biologist and I work on fruit-fly. Now 99 percent of people I meet do not know that it is the small insect that hovers over ripe bananas. This is common sense according to me but I don't expect them to know this. I am in fact happy that they are interested to know. You should be happy that they care enough to know where your bf/husband is exactly deployed.<br />
<br />
The above list however suggests to me that one should not even mention the husband/bf of a military wife/gf to her. It seems whatever one asks about them is ******* the girls off. And I seriously doubt that I will be appreciated if I walk up to one and say "Thank you for staying sexually deprived for the sake of my freedom".<br />
<br />
Having said all of this, I have deep respect for military people - the guys and their wives/gfs. I think they are truly truly sacrificing people! And I indeed am thankful that there are such selfless people in this world that are protecting my freedom. Cheers to you all! And strength and love!

Amen... Military boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse-- one of the hardest jobs outside the military... Yet, worth it....

hahaha so true, i get #11 all the time, ugh ******* lol

hahaha so true, i get #11 all the time, ugh ******* lol

hahaha so true, i get #11 all the time, ugh ******* lol

this is so true!

I'm glad it helps ladies! Hopefully I will be able to post more soon, since I surely haven't in a looong time! I know the seperation is extremely difficult for any length of time but hold your heads up Ladies! You and your men will make it through stronger than ever! My Soldier and I are still going strong and get closer every day! Please Please feel free to message me if you ladies need to talk! Stay stong girls and remember to watch Army Wives: Season 5, premiering this Sunday, March 6, 2011 at 2000 central time and 2100 Eastern! Comes on lifetime and is a GREAT show! <br />
<br />
Take care ladies!

Love it love it love it! Thank you!

LOVEEEE!!! lol. Someone should make this a Public Service Announcement!

absolutely love this!! these are all so true!

I love this, very true! :)

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I find my self wanting to slap stupid people upside the head, for making comments such as these.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I find my self wanting to slap stupid people upside the head, for making comments such as these.

I absolutely LOVE this. There have been times when I just want to smack someone upside the head.

love it cause it's so true :)

Thank you... See this is all so very true...

Hah, those were pretty great. <br />
<br />
Now i know what to say in those situations. <br />
LMAO

Hah, those were pretty great. <br />
<br />
Now i know what to say in those situations. <br />
LMAO

Damn right!!! Whoever said some of those things seriously needs to be slapped!!!

This is amazing!!!

I love this article! Something that i heard today from a so-called friend, "well, it's your fault for dating him." I couldn't believe it! It wouldn't be any easier if we weren't, I would miss him just the same.

I love this and i understand where ur coming from...lol<br />
...i get tired of hearing those things also it gets aggravating(i think i spelled that right...lol)

that made me laugh so hard...people ask the stupidest questions hahahaha i was sitting here reading this going a-freakin-men hahahahahhaha thank you so so much :)

i LOVEE this. soo true:)

I completely agree! <br />
<br />
My bestfriends fiance went to Europe for 10 days and she was a wreck.. She asked me how I do it and I the response that you found was perfect! Thank you!

Wow! Brunette05, you ROCK! I did 28 years, and I wish either of my ex-wives had some of your intelligence. I'd still be married. <br />
I sure as HELL hope your guy realizes the wonderful treasure he has.<br />
If he doesn't, send him to me, and I'll administer some wall-to-wall counseling to the ungrateful little whelp.(grin)<br />
Fair winds and Following Seas!

LOVE this... made my day. Now I know what to say and think when others ask/tell me this stuff!

Why do so many people with a military connection have so many acerbic comments regarding people asking them questions? It may have escaped your notice, but Iraq and Afghanistan aren't the only trouble spots that have ever happened but there is not much of a record to indicate the anguish that families suffered when their loved ones went off to war, not too long ago.<br />
<br />
I would greatly appreciate a definition as to the 'freedom' the military are fighting for in Afghanistan, and Iraq. They were deployed there by a bunch of politicians, driven solely by ego, and if history is any judge of the events there, the 'Alliance' will leave and the places will revert to tribal /ethnic/family driven rule. A lot of service people sacrificed for absolutely nothing, but the arrogance, ego and power of a bunch of politicians who don't give a rats *** about any of it, unless it can further their own career<br />
<br />
Some of us have been fighting these types of stupid wars, long before George Bush and Co. made them popular and public.<br />
.

Lol I was laughing, Thanks a million that made my day because befor i read that i was in a sad mood thinking of my Soilder, This is his 4th deployment and still surviving,hes in Afghanistan since March of 2010 Keep remaining Strong!!

Very true. I get told so many things like this and it really sucks. Even though some people that say this stuff are my friends, I do at times feel like punching them. No one will understand what us Army Girlfriends/wives/families go through unless you DO have a loved one fighting for our rights.

Bravo!!!! That pretty much nails it on the head! I have never had one negative comment made by anyone about my spouses service but if it ever happens i plan on telling them to stick it...most people are very thankful for his service...and even when they say the wrong thing, they usually are trying to be supportive and not thinking out what they are saying, so we learn to take it with a grain of salt. If I cant be kind to those on us soil, what is my husband and his fellow soldiers really fighting for anyway......I wish us all Peace..but as my Little Southern Mamma used to say....IF WISHES AND DREAMS WERE CARAMELS AND CREAMS WE WOULD ALL HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS...;)