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What Not To Say To A Military Wife/girlfriend:

I found this about a year ago and found it again a few days ago so I thought I'd share it with my fellow military SO's. I hope it makes you all smile too.






What NOT to say to a military Wife/Girlfriend! :


1.  "Aren't you afraid that he'll be killed?"

(This one ranks in at number one on the "duh" list. Of course we're afraid. We're terrified. The though always lingers at the backs of our minds --- but thanks brilliant. You just brought it back to the front. Maybe next you can go ask someone with cancer if they're scared of dying.)


2.  "I don't know how you manage. I don't think I could do it."

(This is intended to be a compliment. Though, it's just a little annoying. Here's why: it's not like all of us military wives/girlfriends have been dreaming since childhood of the day we'd get to be anxious single moms who carry cell phones with us to the bathroom and in the shower. We're not made of some mysterious matter that makes us more capable, we just got asked to take on a challinging job. So we rose to the challenge and found the strength to make sacrifices.)


3.  "At least he's not in Iraq."

(This is the number one most annoying comment for those whose husbands are in Afghanistan. What do they think is happening in Afghanistan? An international game of golf? Guys are fighting and dying over there.)


4.  "Do you think he'll get to come home for Christmas/anniversary/birthday/birth of a child/wedding/family reunion, etc.?"

(Don't you watch the news? No! They don't get to come home for any of these things. Please don't ask again.)


5.  "What are you going to do to keep yourself busy while he is gone?"

(Short answer: Try to keep my sanity. Maybe there's a military wife/girlfriend out there who gets bored when her husband/boyfriend leaves, but I have yet to meet her. For the rest of us, those with and without children, we find ourselves having to be two people. That keeps us plenty busy. We do get lonely, but we don't get bored, and drinking massive amounts of wine always keeps me busy.)


6.  "How much longer does he have until he can get out?"

(This one is annoying to many of us whether our husbands/boyfriends are deployed or not. Many of our husbands aren't counting down the days untl they "can" get out. Many of them keep signing back up again and again because they actually love what they do or they VOLUNTEER AGAIN and AGAIN to go back to Iraq b/c there is work that needs to be done.)


7.  "This deployment shouldn't be so bad, now that you're used to it."

(Sure, we do learn coping skills and it's true the more deployments you've gone through, the easier dealing with it becomes. And we figure out ways to make life go smoother while the guys are gone. But it never gets "easy" and the bullets and bombs don't skip over our guys just because they've been there before. Te worry never goes away.)


8.  "My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks. I totally know what you're going through."

(This one is similar to number two. Do not equate your husband's three week trip to London/Omaha/Tokyo/eyc. with a 12-15 month or more deployment to a war zone. Aside from the obvious time difference, nobody shot at your husband or tried to blow him up with an I.E.D., your husband could call home pretty much any time he wanted to, he flew comfortably on a commercial plane, slept between crisp and white sheets and ate well, paying for everything with an expense account. There is no comparison. We do not feel bonded to you in the slightest because of this comment and, if anything, we probably resent you a bit for it. Comparing a 12 month combat deployment to a few weeks business trip is like comparing a crappy Ford Taurus with a Mercedes-Benz convertible.)


9.  "Wow you must miss him?"

(This one also get s another big "duh." Of course we miss our men. There are some wives who do not and they're now divorced.)


10.  "Where is he exactly? Where is that?"

(I dn't expect non-military folks to be able to find Anbar Province on a map, but they should know by now that it's in Iraq. Likewise, know that Kabul and Kandahar are in Afghanistan. Know that Muqtada al Sadr is the insurgent leader of the Mahdi army in Iraw and that Sadr city is his home area. Know that Iran is a major threat to our country and is located between Afghanistan and Iraq. Our country has been at war in Afghanistan for seven years and at war in Iraq for five years. These basic facts are not secrets, they're on the news every night and in the papers every day --- and on maps everywhere.)


11.  "Well he signed up for it, so t's his fault whatever happens over there."

(Yes, ignorant, he did sign up. Each and every day he protects your right to make stupid comments like that. He didn't sign up and be asked to be hit by anything, he signed up to protect his country. Oh, and by the way, he asked me to tell you that, "You're welcome." He's still fighting for your freedom.)


12.  "Don't you miss sex? I couldn't do it!"

(hmmm, no I don't miss sex. I'm a robot. Seriously... military spouses learn quickly that our relationships must be founded on something greater than sex. Welearn to appreciate the important things, like simply hearing their voices, seeing their faces, being able to have dinner together every night. and the hard truth is, most relationships probably couldn't withstand 12 months of sex deprivation.)


13.  "Well in my opinion...."

(Stop right there. Yo, I didn't ask for your personal political opinions. Hey, I love a heated political debate, but not in the grocery store, not in Jamba Juice, not at Nordstrom, not in a bar when i'm out with my girls trying to forget the war, and CERTAINLY NOT AT WORK. We tell co-workers about deployments so when we have to spend lunch hours running our butts off doing errands and taking care of the house, dog, and kids, they have an understanding. We do not tell co-workers and colleagues because we are giving an invitation to ramble about politics or because we so eagerly want to hear how much they hate the President, especially while we're trying to heat up our Lean Cuisines in the crappy office microwaves.)


Last but not least....

14.  "OH, that's horrible... i'm so sorry!"

(He's doing his job and he's a rockstar. Don't be sorry. Be appreciative and please take a moment out of your comfortable American lives to realize that our soldiers fight the wars abroad so those wars stay abroad.)

If you want to say anuthing, say thank you. After all, we are sexually deprived for your freedom.

brunnett05 brunnett05 18-21, F 113 Responses Apr 17, 2010

Your Response


Ok so I am going to print this out for all of the naysayers

My mom says to me all the time. " I need to find someone who will be home with me every night, just in case something happens." Honestly. I'm not saying nothing will happen, but that's a risk im willing to take to be with someone I love! Her and I fight all the time over the comments she makes about him being deployed. I miss him ):

People who have the nerve to talk trash about the military to an army girlfriend/wife clearly do not see the dangerous land mine they just jumped into. God people are ignorant and its all we can do to not punch them in the face. God bless our soliders, ladies.

i miss my soldier...he been away for 2 yrs....hahah these are funny but true

Here are two I hate the most. 'Man I feel sorry for you. While he's gone, does that mean you are single?' and 'You're dating military? I hope for your sake that if you get married, you have divorce papers started just in case.'

I would just like to say, you can't forget about my GIRLFRIEND, that isn't my boyfriend or husband, but my girlfriend, future wife, love, etc. I love this post and it comforted me a lot. So thank you :)

I miss my love so much. It's so hard because I'm a very insecure person and he's the only one who knows how to help me calm down and be myself. We have been together for a year and I'm driving myself crazy overthinking everything. I just need some people to talk to who understand since he's not here to talk to. I keep going back and forth between marriage and just insane thoughts pop in like I can't do this or I'm not ready to be married. Does anyone else feel like this?

If you need anything i'll be here, im going crazy as well. I feel so guilty when i tell my SO that im upsets but sometimes i can't hold it in. I understand what your going through.

For some reason, women in general have been blessed with extremely insecure tendencies. This quality makes separation a lot worse, but call on the support of your family and friends to help you through it. Good luck sugar

Thank you so much for sharing! This made my day. :)

best one 12. "Don't you miss sex? I couldn't do it!" how stupid are people not even stupid least you can say that the relationship is more than just sex, it has to be, and me i prefer my guy to be caring about something bigger than himself, and the emotional connection i have with him is stronger than anything

In reference to one of them, one of the best lines I heard a friend say was "My husband risks his life so you can run that ugly mouth. You're welcome"

I seriously love this so much. I've read it 5 times now, and it still makes me smile!

Thank you so much for finding this! Put a huge smile on my face!

This is hilarious and so true. I smiled and laughed the whole time. My mans just in basic and people ask me these stupid questions. I cant imagine what im going to get when his first deployment comes up.

trust me the questions get even more stupid..

I'm only days into my soldiers deployment and reading that helps. I know I'm not alone- when I don't wanna talk about my feelings to the world. It's not about us it's about us being there for them so they can do their job well and come back to us safely!!

hahaha! yes! hit it right on the nose.

TRUE all of it and more. My father was military and its amazing what kids (any age) think and say. Most don't think past their little world. I say people like that suffer from "Educational Laziness"

I love this! So true!!

thank you soooo much for this, your comments on their responces made me laugh.. thank you.. this is soooo true I think people try to help and dont know what to say.. and end up saying the wrong things and they upset us not knowing... because they have not gone through this experience sometimes they feel because they have been away from their significant other(buisness trip) for example that they think they relate to us.. well they do on a small level but its completly different in a war zone then a buisness trip but I dont think they realize what they are saying... maybe also cuz they arent sure what to say.. thank you agian:)

This just made my day :) so true.

This article made my day. I've been having a rough time today. My boyfriend is deployed and I haven't been able to talk to him in over a week. Thank you!

i love this!! girl, you definitely speak the truth!! i would give anything to have dinner with my man everynight before we go to bed to have an amazing night of sex...but its simply not the reality. the people who dont understand...never will. they will continue to voice their opinions on topics they know nothing about, eat the food of their choosing every night, only feel sympathetic about the war and the soldiers once its brought to their attention, and not give two fuckks about anything other than what they are going to wear out to the bars that night. must be rough.


<3 it

<3 it

amen someones finallly putting it out there! stick together! (: we will end up reunited with our men soon and once again have someone to wake up next too! stay strong! making them proud!

This is amazing :)

i love the last comment in the post! lmao. but yes. I thank all of your husbands and boyfriends and all the single soldiers too. i thank every single one of them from every branch. they keep us safe. hopefully one day i can do the same and fight at their side for the sake of my family and citizens that cant fight for themselves.

Love this! thank you glad you all understand

Love this! thank you glad you all understand

Thanks<br />
<br />
As a retired veteran with two wars in my past, I can't appreciate the difficulty at home. I would rather be dealing with the danger in my face then sit helplessy 5,000 miles awat.<br />
After I got wounded someone wanted to pin a civilian service metal on my wife. She though "why me, why not every military wife" (she should have included all spouces and girl friends too.)