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What Not To Say To A Military Wife/girlfriend:

I found this about a year ago and found it again a few days ago so I thought I'd share it with my fellow military SO's. I hope it makes you all smile too.






What NOT to say to a military Wife/Girlfriend! :


1.  "Aren't you afraid that he'll be killed?"

(This one ranks in at number one on the "duh" list. Of course we're afraid. We're terrified. The though always lingers at the backs of our minds --- but thanks brilliant. You just brought it back to the front. Maybe next you can go ask someone with cancer if they're scared of dying.)


2.  "I don't know how you manage. I don't think I could do it."

(This is intended to be a compliment. Though, it's just a little annoying. Here's why: it's not like all of us military wives/girlfriends have been dreaming since childhood of the day we'd get to be anxious single moms who carry cell phones with us to the bathroom and in the shower. We're not made of some mysterious matter that makes us more capable, we just got asked to take on a challinging job. So we rose to the challenge and found the strength to make sacrifices.)


3.  "At least he's not in Iraq."

(This is the number one most annoying comment for those whose husbands are in Afghanistan. What do they think is happening in Afghanistan? An international game of golf? Guys are fighting and dying over there.)


4.  "Do you think he'll get to come home for Christmas/anniversary/birthday/birth of a child/wedding/family reunion, etc.?"

(Don't you watch the news? No! They don't get to come home for any of these things. Please don't ask again.)


5.  "What are you going to do to keep yourself busy while he is gone?"

(Short answer: Try to keep my sanity. Maybe there's a military wife/girlfriend out there who gets bored when her husband/boyfriend leaves, but I have yet to meet her. For the rest of us, those with and without children, we find ourselves having to be two people. That keeps us plenty busy. We do get lonely, but we don't get bored, and drinking massive amounts of wine always keeps me busy.)


6.  "How much longer does he have until he can get out?"

(This one is annoying to many of us whether our husbands/boyfriends are deployed or not. Many of our husbands aren't counting down the days untl they "can" get out. Many of them keep signing back up again and again because they actually love what they do or they VOLUNTEER AGAIN and AGAIN to go back to Iraq b/c there is work that needs to be done.)


7.  "This deployment shouldn't be so bad, now that you're used to it."

(Sure, we do learn coping skills and it's true the more deployments you've gone through, the easier dealing with it becomes. And we figure out ways to make life go smoother while the guys are gone. But it never gets "easy" and the bullets and bombs don't skip over our guys just because they've been there before. Te worry never goes away.)


8.  "My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks. I totally know what you're going through."

(This one is similar to number two. Do not equate your husband's three week trip to London/Omaha/Tokyo/eyc. with a 12-15 month or more deployment to a war zone. Aside from the obvious time difference, nobody shot at your husband or tried to blow him up with an I.E.D., your husband could call home pretty much any time he wanted to, he flew comfortably on a commercial plane, slept between crisp and white sheets and ate well, paying for everything with an expense account. There is no comparison. We do not feel bonded to you in the slightest because of this comment and, if anything, we probably resent you a bit for it. Comparing a 12 month combat deployment to a few weeks business trip is like comparing a crappy Ford Taurus with a Mercedes-Benz convertible.)


9.  "Wow you must miss him?"

(This one also get s another big "duh." Of course we miss our men. There are some wives who do not and they're now divorced.)


10.  "Where is he exactly? Where is that?"

(I dn't expect non-military folks to be able to find Anbar Province on a map, but they should know by now that it's in Iraq. Likewise, know that Kabul and Kandahar are in Afghanistan. Know that Muqtada al Sadr is the insurgent leader of the Mahdi army in Iraw and that Sadr city is his home area. Know that Iran is a major threat to our country and is located between Afghanistan and Iraq. Our country has been at war in Afghanistan for seven years and at war in Iraq for five years. These basic facts are not secrets, they're on the news every night and in the papers every day --- and on maps everywhere.)


11.  "Well he signed up for it, so t's his fault whatever happens over there."

(Yes, ignorant, he did sign up. Each and every day he protects your right to make stupid comments like that. He didn't sign up and be asked to be hit by anything, he signed up to protect his country. Oh, and by the way, he asked me to tell you that, "You're welcome." He's still fighting for your freedom.)


12.  "Don't you miss sex? I couldn't do it!"

(hmmm, no I don't miss sex. I'm a robot. Seriously... military spouses learn quickly that our relationships must be founded on something greater than sex. Welearn to appreciate the important things, like simply hearing their voices, seeing their faces, being able to have dinner together every night. and the hard truth is, most relationships probably couldn't withstand 12 months of sex deprivation.)


13.  "Well in my opinion...."

(Stop right there. Yo, I didn't ask for your personal political opinions. Hey, I love a heated political debate, but not in the grocery store, not in Jamba Juice, not at Nordstrom, not in a bar when i'm out with my girls trying to forget the war, and CERTAINLY NOT AT WORK. We tell co-workers about deployments so when we have to spend lunch hours running our butts off doing errands and taking care of the house, dog, and kids, they have an understanding. We do not tell co-workers and colleagues because we are giving an invitation to ramble about politics or because we so eagerly want to hear how much they hate the President, especially while we're trying to heat up our Lean Cuisines in the crappy office microwaves.)


Last but not least....

14.  "OH, that's horrible... i'm so sorry!"

(He's doing his job and he's a rockstar. Don't be sorry. Be appreciative and please take a moment out of your comfortable American lives to realize that our soldiers fight the wars abroad so those wars stay abroad.)

If you want to say anuthing, say thank you. After all, we are sexually deprived for your freedom.

brunnett05 brunnett05 18-21, F 115 Responses Apr 17, 2010

Your Response


Wow! Brunette05, you ROCK! I did 28 years, and I wish either of my ex-wives had some of your intelligence. I'd still be married. <br />
I sure as HELL hope your guy realizes the wonderful treasure he has.<br />
If he doesn't, send him to me, and I'll administer some wall-to-wall counseling to the ungrateful little whelp.(grin)<br />
Fair winds and Following Seas!

I completely agree! <br />
<br />
My bestfriends fiance went to Europe for 10 days and she was a wreck.. She asked me how I do it and I the response that you found was perfect! Thank you!

i LOVEE this. soo true:)

that made me laugh so hard...people ask the stupidest questions hahahaha i was sitting here reading this going a-freakin-men hahahahahhaha thank you so so much :)

I love this and i understand where ur coming<br />
...i get tired of hearing those things also it gets aggravating(i think i spelled that

I love this article! Something that i heard today from a so-called friend, "well, it's your fault for dating him." I couldn't believe it! It wouldn't be any easier if we weren't, I would miss him just the same.

This is amazing!!!

Damn right!!! Whoever said some of those things seriously needs to be slapped!!!

Hah, those were pretty great. <br />
<br />
Now i know what to say in those situations. <br />

Hah, those were pretty great. <br />
<br />
Now i know what to say in those situations. <br />

Thank you... See this is all so very true...

love it cause it's so true :)

I absolutely LOVE this. There have been times when I just want to smack someone upside the head.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I find my self wanting to slap stupid people upside the head, for making comments such as these.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I find my self wanting to slap stupid people upside the head, for making comments such as these.

I love this, very true! :)

absolutely love this!! these are all so true!

LOVEEEE!!! lol. Someone should make this a Public Service Announcement!

Love it love it love it! Thank you!

I'm glad it helps ladies! Hopefully I will be able to post more soon, since I surely haven't in a looong time! I know the seperation is extremely difficult for any length of time but hold your heads up Ladies! You and your men will make it through stronger than ever! My Soldier and I are still going strong and get closer every day! Please Please feel free to message me if you ladies need to talk! Stay stong girls and remember to watch Army Wives: Season 5, premiering this Sunday, March 6, 2011 at 2000 central time and 2100 Eastern! Comes on lifetime and is a GREAT show! <br />
<br />
Take care ladies!

this is so true!

hahaha so true, i get #11 all the time, ugh ******* lol

hahaha so true, i get #11 all the time, ugh ******* lol

hahaha so true, i get #11 all the time, ugh ******* lol

Amen... Military boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse-- one of the hardest jobs outside the military... Yet, worth it....

I have never met a military wife/gf and I think it's a great list of their pet peeves. But well in my opinion (Lol), I don't agree with the following: -<br />
<br />
4. "Do you think he'll get to come home for Christmas/anniversary/birthday/birth of a child/wedding/family reunion, etc.?"<br />
It's just a friendly question asking whether he's coming or not. That's all there is to it. I guess it could be irritating if a lot of people are asking you the same and probably it reminds you time and again that he's not coming but you can't really blame people to be asking this. If you are giving birth to a child then obviously people will ask whether he is coming or not. Just for the sake of knowing.<br />
<br />
10. Where is he exactly? Where is that?<br />
Not all people are interested in politics. Especially a lot of women. So if they don't know where the place is you may as well just tell them. I am a Biologist and I work on fruit-fly. Now 99 percent of people I meet do not know that it is the small insect that hovers over ripe bananas. This is common sense according to me but I don't expect them to know this. I am in fact happy that they are interested to know. You should be happy that they care enough to know where your bf/husband is exactly deployed.<br />
<br />
The above list however suggests to me that one should not even mention the husband/bf of a military wife/gf to her. It seems whatever one asks about them is ******* the girls off. And I seriously doubt that I will be appreciated if I walk up to one and say "Thank you for staying sexually deprived for the sake of my freedom".<br />
<br />
Having said all of this, I have deep respect for military people - the guys and their wives/gfs. I think they are truly truly sacrificing people! And I indeed am thankful that there are such selfless people in this world that are protecting my freedom. Cheers to you all! And strength and love!

GeneNat:<br />
Although we respect your opinions, I completely disagree with you.<br />
When you are a Military S.O., struggling for every breath from being sick with worry and stress and loneliness, these questions/statements can be quite irritating (whether intended to be or not) and are the last things we feel like hearing. Being reminded of the fact that someone so special and important to you is in mortal danger in a place many miles away that you haven't spoken to in weeks and don't know when or if you will hear from them again so you know they are okay is not at ALL helpful in surviving the time apart. <br />
Point being, If you were to truly experience it, your opinions would not be the same.<br />
Try reading my post about what to say to a military S.O. It should help.

Thanks, you had make me conscious about it. Coming from a country without army from my grandprents generation, it is hard to understand anything about it. You post is not funny to me. I had learned, for that, thanks. I hope your dear come back always safe to your love.

I LOVE IT ,,,,,,,,

Very funny,honest!!!!!!! I am rather new to this life,but wouldn't trade it foe anything!!!!!