I am a 17 year old sadist with a submissive girlfriend. Unfortunately my girlfriend lives far away and I only get to see her once a fortnight, sometimes even longer.

Ive really noticed lately that the longer i go without my girlfriend, without hurting her,
the more I play violent videogames,
the more I hate humanity,
the harder I bash my drums
the more I pick fights with the people around me for stupid reasons,
the more I hurt myself for enjoyment.

Most pain is bliss to me.
Emotional and physical.
My own and the people around me, even people very far aways sometimes.
Real and portrayed graphically.

The only pain I don't find joy in is my own emotional pain and the emotional pain of My girlfriend. If I could change that, I might be the most confused happy person on this planet.

I understand pain is negative, but I've never understood why everyone seems to fear negativity.

My girlfriend suggested I find a masochist who can fulfill my sadistic needs. She said she would be okay with me having that kind of relationship.

Luckily I don't care about gender or age (as long as its 16-40) so that widens options. But I have no idea where to begin to look for someone who can fulfill my sadistic needs. If such a person lives close enough to me so that we could meet up at least weekly, it would be perfecto, but I know i require a sadist/masochist relationship in order to not hurt the people around me.

If anyone has any advice, it would be massively appreciates. Thank you for reading.
deleted deleted
26-30
Aug 17, 2014