I Am A Very Angry Person But I Take It Out On Myself

V_v

By: BlackDaisee

Written on February 8th, 2013

I didn't used to be this way, and you wouldn't know it unless I told you to your face & even then you probably wouldn't believe me.
I don't know when it started, but it began with clenching of the fists & jaw then slowly escalated to cutting & burning.
The tension inside is so unbearable sometimes I feel as though I'll implode. By hurting myself I can relieve it & clear my head, after that, the mindless task of cleaning my wounds helps me calm down further & collect myself..but it always comes back.
I fear the day I hurt someone else instead...

By: BlackDaisee

Age: 18-21 , Female

103 people have read this story

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41 responses

cooldog980

this describes me too. and i have hurt people whenever i have sharp objects in my hands. i end up trying to cut many people that i get near

Apr 9
2 likes
- BlackDaisee
  Really? I never noticed that.
  
  Apr 11
  1 like
- cooldog980
  The urge to cut people started in like Feb
  
  Apr 11
  1 like
- BlackDaisee
  I wonder why.. You didn't cut me..
  
  Apr 11
  1 like
- cooldog980
  Yeah me too. And its mostly an urge. I usually just end up scratching them. But i may cut someone soon
  
  Apr 11
  1 like
- BlackDaisee
  Hopefully it is a bad person so there is reason. O.o
  
  Apr 11
  1 like
- cooldog980
  Actually it would be a friend who also self harms. But every tone i try to scratch get there is something about her that calms me a little
  
  Apr 11
  1 like
- BlackDaisee
  Why them specifically?
  
  Apr 11
  1 like
- cooldog980
  What?
  
  Apr 11
  1 like
- BlackDaisee
  Why would it be a friend who self harms?
  
  Apr 11
  1 like
- cooldog980
  Idk . She has offered once when i had a bad urge but i was afraid to do it
  
  Apr 11
  1 like
- BlackDaisee
  Ah, sounds interesting..to have someone else cut you..hmm
  
  Apr 11
  1 like
- cooldog980
  Yeah I've done it before to someone BC they let me and it was fun
  
  Apr 11
  1 like
- BlackDaisee
  Hm, I might have to investigate this.
  
  Apr 12
  1 like
- cooldog980
  Investigate what?
  
  Apr 12
  1 like
- BlackDaisee
  -_- sigh. Being cut by others.
  
  Apr 12
  1 like
- cooldog980
  If you want i Cam help sometime
  
  Apr 12
  1 like
- BlackDaisee
  Lol maybe :)
  
  Apr 12
  1 like
- cooldog980
  That would be fun
  
  Apr 12
  1 like
- BlackDaisee
  Possibly.. I really want to cut my hand, but it's so hard to hide.
  
  Apr 12
  1 like
- cooldog980
  Yeah it is. I cut a friends hand with scissors once
  
  Apr 12
  1 like
- BlackDaisee
  Oh sigh.
  
  Apr 13
  1 like
- cooldog980
  Why the sigh?
  
  Apr 13
  1 like
- BlackDaisee
  Cuz I feel like cutting my hand.. :P
  
  Apr 13
  1 like
- cooldog980
  Ok lol. I would but i can't
  
  Apr 13
  1 like
- BlackDaisee
  That's ok :)
  
  Apr 13
  1 like
- cooldog980
  I guess but i rally wanna cut something
  
  Apr 13
  1 like
- BlackDaisee
  Next time perhaps?
  
  Apr 13
  1 like
- cooldog980
  Maybe but my rule is that it is always up to the other person BC i hate forcing people to do stuff that they don't wanna do
  
  Apr 13
  1 like
- BlackDaisee
  That is a good rule.
  
  Apr 13
  1 like
- cooldog980
  Yeah
  
  Apr 13
  1 like
27 More Replies
Rookie009

Oh man, this is a little surprising. I would never have pegged you as a self harmer. What changed?

Feb 8
2 likes
- BlackDaisee
  Nothing, I've been this way for a while.. Like I said in the beginning "you wouldn't know it unless I told you" haha
  
  Feb 8
  1 like
- Rookie009
  Oh, guess you were right about that. I suppose the question of when did you start, is better to ask.
  
  Feb 8
  1 like
- BlackDaisee
  Haha, I'm not really sure, it just happened. :P
  
  Feb 8
  1 like
- Rookie009
  I see, & I'm sorry to hear you're under so much pressure. What usually causes it?
  
  Feb 8
  1 like
- BlackDaisee
  It's ok :) emotions, what else :P
  
  Feb 8
  1 like
- Rookie009
  I know that, but what causes those emotions? (If your comfortable talking about it)
  
  Feb 8
  1 like
- BlackDaisee
  My family, my friends, my life that goes no where....I'm not the sharing type, I lock everything up inside. Every silly side comment, every strange look, every time I get ignored, every tease that comes my way. I forgive the people, but the feelings they cause don't go away.. You know?
  
  Feb 8
  1 like
- Rookie009
  More than you would think, Joy. I have to get to bed early tonight, but can we talk tomorrow/Sunday?
  
  Feb 8
  1 like
- BlackDaisee
  Of course, message me anytime, I usually get on during late morning or night. Later gator.
  
  Feb 8
  1 like
6 More Replies

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