I Hate the Way I Am
Whenever I date a guy, the monster comes out. I have learned to control it and not act on it or show it but it still runs free inside. it makes me think that every girl he looks/talks to/is friends with is better to him than me and is indefinitely more funny/beautiful/smart/interesting/pretty...you get the picture and whenever I see him talking to another girl or when he talks about one of his friends that are girls I hear my dad's voice saying that I'm worthless and my mom's voice saying that I'm pathetic. I have really low self esteem so I fall into jealousy easily. I try my hardest not to let it show and it doesn't 99% of the time. I really hate being jealous but when most of the father figures in your life have been abusive and then you find a man that treats you right, it's so easy to be jealous because once you've had that taste of being treated good you cling to that and you want him all to yourself and the other girls are a threat to keeping him.