Made A Mistake?

I married a man who cannot love me. I cannot say what he is doing. His promises to change never come to pass. I am hurt, I am scared, I am lonely. I work but do not make enough to support myself and kids alone. I keep wanting to believe his promises that he will get help,that he will change back to the man I first fell in love with, but my life is slipping by and nothing changes, especially not me. I feel sad, worthless. I am alone.
shydragonfly shydragonfly
46-50, F
5 Responses Dec 10, 2011

You can do anything you set your mind to. The only thing that can hold you back is fear. Kick fears butt and be the happy person you should be. You only have one chance at life. Make it the best you can.

My wife is, I'm afraid, feeling the same way about me. We've been working together for a long time now and our expectations haven't been met economically or socially. I do not dress the way she feels I should, I don't make enough money to give her the life I would like to give her. Our sex life is next to non-existent. What sex we do have is generally vanilla 'are you done yet' sex. He does not allow for my sexual needs, she doesn't appear to have any of her own. At least it appears that she hasn't got much of a sexual appetite for anything. <br />
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In recent years I've taken to suggesting to her that she could see other men, in the selfish hope that by her screwing another guy she would somehow awaken that bad girl I want her to be. Our sex life is so dull that I actually welcome the idea that she might have an affair. I also miss oral sex it is something she simply has never gotten into and I miss it...a lot. You'd be surprised how easily you could influence him if he were getting a decent blow job from time to time. I don't mean just a lick here and a lick there but a whole hearted mouth on his member BJ. <br />
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My wife could lead me by the nose if she were doing that to me. The thing is you mustn't be afraid of being 'bad' for your husband. We tend to be 'naughty' as a general rule so you might as well fight fire with fire and be naughty right back. You might be surprised what happens if you learn to simply give good head. We are simple..naughty and easy to manipulate....if you know which leash to lead us with.

that may be true for you I dont know, but it is not true for my situation. Usually when a man is a liar and a cheater and an abuser it matters not how much his wife twists herself into what he says he wants her to be, because she can never be what he truly wants. . .another woman.

I can relate. My wife wants me to be another guy.

You words seem to be falling from my lips. <br />
The unbearable sarror in not knowing, and feeling that the best adult years have been wasted hoping for the love once promised, is probably the biggest obstacle to my<br />
Recovery. Still in disbelief, I've not been proactive.<br />
This in it self is a crime against femininity, I must straighten up and find a way<br />
To support my son & my self with out him. This shouldn't be difficult,<br />
I pay the bulk of our living expenses. Still, emotionally it is extremely <br />

i know i am a lot younger than you so i doubt you even want to take my advice but i too am married so and most of my friends too so give me a little credit. whatever your husbands problem is, is clearly destroying your marriage. i am muslim and we are very against divorce, as my grandma always says, everything is fixable if your willing to change forgive and forget. i believe this to a certain point. duno if id want to be married to to mad who was cheating and abusive. id give your husband one last chance to get whatever help he needs. and u set it up. for example if its a therapist or counselor, make the appointment you know hes available for. if he refuses to go. maybe its time for you to go. as far as not having enough money for you and your kids; government is great help with assistance and with children things like food stamps and emergency cash aid are very easy to receive. it may be time to start your life over and enjoy doing things for you and spending time with your family. i hope all works out for the best and i will keep u in my prayers

thank you for your prayers and your advice, I dont think you have to be older to have wise and important things to say and offer :)

Very sorry for what you live with,I hope you find some comfort here and perhaps find some answers too.You may have to find a second job to make enough to get away from him before your life passes you by.You need to get away from him and heal.Thank you for your story.

thank you for reading it, and for your compasssion. Thank you so much.

You are very welcome,hang in there .Start planning of a future free of what you deal with.With some good planning you can be free of your situation and doing well again.I really think you can.