Newlywed And Alone

I have been married to my husband for only a mere 5 months, however it has been the loneliest 5 months of my life. Prior to our marriage my husband and I were together for 7 years, however we have never lived together till now. We both work however it appears from his comments that he does not take my job or career seriously. At the moment I am a trainee attorney at a law firm which means that I do not receive a salary until my training is through. My husband indicated to me before our marriage that he understood this and that I would not have to worry because his salary would allow us to live comfortably until I started earning my own. I am very grateful for all that he has done for me and for all his financial support in which he constantly reminds me about. This makes me feel completely inadequate and low, but I have no choice but to agree. We rarely spend time with each other otherwise. He comes home from work and goes straight to his 'man cave' and will play computer games from 5 in the afternoon till about 2 in the morning and then go to bed. He will only make exceptions when he is hungry to which he would then ask me fix him a sandwich or a meal. Whenever I try to spend sometime with him he would ignore me or complain that I am disturbing him from relaxing. Sometimes I'll ask him to come into bed with me and snuggle up under the covers, however he has never agreed to this. Nevertheless whenever he wants to have sex he will make sure to find me then, but when it is over he goes back to his computer games, and I am left alone. On mornings I would get up early and make breakfast and then get dressed for work. My husband after going to bed at 2am will get up right before I am ready to leave the house, will get out of bed, have the breakfast I have prepared and then get dressed to head to the office, in the mean time I make the bed and pick up after him. We go to work and after 8 hours return home. He would then as usual head towards his computer games while I get dinner ready for him. Weekends are spent with him playing computer games for 2 days straight while i do the household chores. Whenever i ask him to do something with me or to go out together, he would get very angry. Tonight I decided to hang out with him while he played his games, and he asked me to leave the room because I was distracting him. So here I am now alone in bed wondering if this is normal for all newlyweds in their first year of marriage.
Kariliza Kariliza
6 Responses May 6, 2012

hi aim from Bangalore and ready share feeling and me to have same conditions

He hasnt grown up yet. Seems to me he is young n dont know the true meaning of marriage! He has no responsibility and dont know hiw to share..... His mind is on himself and he really dont understand relationships n how they work. Sorry for u to be goin through this. It must be a lonely world u live! Atleast hes faithful! Cheer up

I am also a newlywed. I have only been married for a month and a half and I too am very lonely and find myself in the same situation minus the sex part. You see he wanted to wait until we were married to have sex and I have yet to have it happen. So yes I am married and still a virgin and again we have been together for 4 years now. I really have no advice but wanted to let you know that you are not alone. If you get any good advice please contact me. Thank you and good luck.

I am sorry for what you are going through :(<br />
<br />
Nothing weird but I am 19 male. My name is Aakash Trivedi. I am from California. I am sure you are a sweet, intelligent, and beautiful woman and I would love to maybe give you my number? We can just talk and chat about anything. Any problems that you want to rant/vent about, tell me! If you ever feel bored or lonely? Again, nothing weird haha. <br />
1 408 772 8919. Text or call maybe? Just tell me who you are haha

I empathize with your situation as I went through a similar experience the first 6 months of my marriage. I left an engineering career when I relocated to marry my husband as we had decided mutually that I would be a homemaker. He was a VP at the time. I quickly went back to work when I constantly had hear about how he was taking of everything. To spare you alot of details (I have been married 6 years today), I would warn against accepting any emotional and psychological abuse from him. What you describe appears to be close to or trending that way. What does that look like? Blaming, guilt-trips, him making you fell obligated to do things his way, isolation and withdrawal (which is him hurting/punishing you), snapping and physical outbursts (intimidation tactics), a whole host of other behaviors to keep you feeling fearful, obligated and guilty. Once you, as the woman, gets trapped in that pattern, you will have to claw your way out because he is setting the stage to be and stay in control. Stand your ground and love yourself enough to KEEP your voice. QUICKLY find friends, outlets, and hobbies, service activities, clubs, involve yourself in because the feelings of loneliness, isolation and inadequacy will put you in a pit so deep DO NOT rely on your relationship with your husband to define your self-worth/value and nor diminish anything you have and will accomplish. You ARE a great wife and that is the truth of the matter. The rest is passive-agressive bullying and lies. Keep telling yourself the truth about yourself and don't rely on him to make you happy. Only you have the power truly to do that. He, too, is likely feeling like things have changed now that he's married. Alot of men don't deal with the accountability to a wife well at all once married. <br />
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One last thing (sorry for the long post), PLEASE give it some time before you have kids. See if his behaviors shake out before you bring another life into the fold. It only complicates matters. A kid won't change things. If you're frustrated now, imagine what you feel with a baby needing you (and expecting you to be fully present) in the next room...Hope this helps! God bless.

Awe. I don't know I'm not married. But maybe he resents the fact you don't earn any money ATM but he loves you to much to burden you so subconsciously he is punishing both of you because he is holding in his resentment. <br />
I don't know. just a thought. That's no good, you need to figure it out together! he should make time for you if you show him how important it is to you...