My Five Years Of Rollercoasting And My Fear Of It Ending

My husband and I were best friends before we ever dated, not only that but he was my only stable friend during the chaotic years of high school. We then started dating during my junior year and became the ever covited "high school sweetheart" couple. I moved in with him on my eighteenth birthday due to my family's ritual of kicking their kids out when they don't want to be financially responsible for them anymore. He and I had many violent fights during our first few years together. We also matched that intensity in unbridled passion sexually, emotionally, and intellectually. We got married three years after we started dating. We have no kids, but in the past year and a half of our marriage, this being our first year, we've had a lot of changes. He got laid off and I ended up getting a job that supported my needs more than his job did. I am now also paying for his schooling. Since money is tight and my schedule is hectic, our general morale as a couple has been low. Not only that, but sorry if this is TMI but I need advice, but our sex life could be described as in a coma. Due to an infection caused by his diabetes, his manhood began to chap and his skin split. He refused to got to the doctor for the longest time and is now getting treated for it, but its still been five month since I last laid with my husband. Where physical intimacy was lacking, I leaned on emotional and intellectual stimuli to keep me content. However, all he does when I'm home is sleep or ignore me for his phone, video games, TV or his computer. I am afraid our marriage will be over before our second year. Lately I've been having dreams where I cheat on him and it scares me. Can someone please give me some advice? I truly love him and believe this relationship is worth fighting for.
Thebadwolfrose Thebadwolfrose
18-21, F
3 Responses Jan 23, 2013

build you inner strength say to yourself that you are a beautiful girl and that you have many qualities, don't see your weaknesses just see your strength and believe in that and never get cowed by somebodies saying that you are inferior, with your husband don't quarrel, be soft but firm.

No advice but I hope it gets better.

Hmm, honey, pray for him. God is the only one who can mend your marriage, your life and fill any void. Remember, if you have a good thing do not spoil it by cheating, the consequences are so painful.

I don't even want to cheat nor am I planning on it. I'm just worried about what these dreams could mean