a very lonely wife married to a workaholic
I am in my mid 30s. I been married for 9 yrs now and have 3 small children all under the age of 10. Ever since we relocated to a different state to be together, I haven't adjusted, not even to this day. Neither he or myself have any family out here and I, for the most part, feel like a single parent, who's married. my husband works either long hours, travels, or work weekends (NOT exaggerating), while I am left handling/managing/raising our 3 children. I work outside the home but I am the one who picks them up, brings them home, prepare dinner, homework, baths and bedtime. He does help as much as he can, none-the-less; it's been primarily me thru the marriage. Just w/in these last several months (due to the economy etc), he was able to come home early, however several months doesn't add up to the years. intimacy is from approx 6 to 8 mos in space (sad I know) and when it does occur...I initiate (every time). I never discerned any un-faithfulness, but I always felt his career/job is the "mistress". Because the time away from the home has been greater than in the home, we don't have much of an emotional connection as a married couple should have. We've talked, but no one seems to want to be the "bad guy" and call it quits. I did however, have papers drawn up b/c I became so depressed, resentful, un-loved, un-desired etc..that I couldn't take it anymore, but I felt that I would be failing our children by "not trying hard enough". But does one stay in a marriage for the kids only??? I'm tired of being depressed and lonely. Even "if" we divorced, I know living on my own, I'd still be "lonely", but it won't be the same thing to me. The other thing is is that I don't have "my own" finances to go out on my own, as everything has been brought into this union w/ his hands. I was a stay-at-home mother before going back work, but never was able to secure a nest egg for "rainy days". We're not rich and barely getting by now. Sometimes I feel trapped...no family, nor "true" friends....it's just me, my husband and our 3 children. I honestly don't know what to do. If anyone could offer ANY advice...all is welcomed. Thanks.