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Dreams Shattered

Been married now for 13 yrs, always wanted to be married.  Thought marriage would be so special shared between 2 people who really wanted to spend their lives together.  Thought I would have that best friend, companion someone who would always put me #1, make me feel special, well that dream has been shattered.  Don't know if he's going thru a mid-life crisis or what.  But now it's all about him.  Feels like his life has nothing to do with mine.  Feel very disconnected, separate.  Dont' want to cheat for physical reasons, but am really missing that closeness and compainship that I thought I signed up for.  Sick of being neglected.  Anyone else feel like this??

Hallygal Hallygal 31-35, F 7 Responses Jan 31, 2010

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I know just how you feel.

Yes, I am a man, and I feel my wife has done the same to me

Yes, a lot of us.

I have been married for 19 yrs, the first 10 yrs (we had only lived together for 3 yrs and 7 months of that we wre married) he spend it in prison because of an ex-wife,...long story, wont get in the details.. I waited for him all those yrs. becaused i loved him and because what happened to him, shouldn't have....i raised our daughter for 11 yrs...when he came home. In the beginning we were very sexual and very intimate,..i went thru alot of ups and downs in those 10 yrs...as well as he did,..but when he came home he was changed, i know that 10 yrs can do alot to a any human being, but his closeness was just not there anymore,...he now has been home for 7 yrs and i feel so alone, he can be right next to me in bed and he faces the wall,...i try to touch him and he grunts like a bear....leave him alone....he is not the same man he was,.or am i expecting for that 29 yr. old man to wake up. he is now 49 and i still love him, i miss the intimacy we once had....he does however have a medical problem,...he cannot get it up...and testostorme shots are not for him, because he risks getting cancer,...2 docs have already confirmed that,..but i tell him that even if he can't get there, he can still touch me or play around and kiss me,..that part isn't dead...is it me,..i asked him and he tells me know,,,that he loves me....i tell him to show me not just tell me....i have gained alot of weight, we both have but i still see him the way i used to always see him when we were young,....we don't go out, we always stay at home,...and he also has a way about him that he refuses to get along with anybody,...i go to family functions w/out him,...he hates my family,...i can deal with that,...i just feel like its icsolating me from the rest of the world....got any thoughts on this....lonely in Dallas

I too am in a lonely marriage. I have been married to the same man for 27 years and sex is non-existent. The last time was about a year and a half ago on our anniversary and even then I started to cry because he just wanted to go to sleep. He felt sorry for me and caved in. He does criticize me a lot and sounds so impatient with me. He doesn't say "lets go out to dinner or to a show" He says it is too much money and yet he thinks nothing of asking his friends to go and have wings and a beer. He is six years younger than I am but in all honesty he looks older than me! Other people have told us that so its not just me bragging! Maybe I should initiate the sex, but honestly my pride gets in the way and I don't want to feel desperate. Crazy? I am on an antidepressant and it does help but I am so down and lonely. I don't want to depend on drugs to make me happy.

Same here, I have been married to the same man for 30 years. It feels lonely and empty a lot of the time. We aren't close as I am one of those women who live in a sexless marriage and have been for 8 long years. There been no physical contact expect a kiss on the lips occasionally. I really want the emotional intimacy, but he seems to not know how to be that way with me.

Reading your story made me sad. I can relate also. Sometimes I feel the same way, like lonely! I don't know what to tell you. Do you have some good days with him? Or is it that you find that you always do what he wants? Or does he not include you in anything. In my situation, seems like we really do not do anything together. I am suggesting that my hubby come up with some ideas and I will too. I told him that in a few months we will sit down and figure out what we can start doing together to build some intimacy in our marriage. Because I don't want to keep living like this. I love him dearly but don't feel very important here!