A Nervous Nell

When I was little, I could never spend the night at people's houses because I thought terrible things were going to happen to my parents while I was away. I have the best parents ever and grew up in a very happy, stable environment, so I don't know where these feelings came from. Now that I am an adult and I know more about what goes on in the world, my anxiety has continued to grow and change. I play with my hair constantly: it's like my security blanket. I bite the **** out of my nails they look terrible. I take medication for anxiety twice daily, and am also prescribed a low dose valium to take when I really get upset. So many things make me nervous- being away from my family, being alone, the dark, elevators, crowded places, heat, loud noises, driving too fast, cars in general, men...- this last fear is the one that's really getting me. I have been single for a year and a half. I have been unable to date anyone during this time much less be intimate with someone. I feel like every man is going to hurt me in some way. My ex was very kind and gentle... the worst thing he did to me was ignore me. That was really the only relationship I've ever been in, and I don't want to spend my life alone. I just have this terrible feeling that every man I talk to just wants to **** me. It scares me when I can see it in their eyes. So many women like the attention. I wear no makeup, glasses, loose slovenly (thought never dirty) clothing, and I still get asked out all the time. It's like I'm battling myself because at the end of the day I'm very lonely, but every time a guy asks me out I just get so nervous I bail. Every time. Here lately I've started feeling like I'm going to faint a lot. I suppose I should talk to my doctor about this but I don't know how. I'm in a very odd place in my life... a quarter life crisis if you will. Friends are getting married, having babies, I'm expected to have a career, start my independence, and I have no clue what I'm doing. I don't know how to get over this fear. I drive my friends crazy with the shyness because there are some places I cannot go without starting to hyperventilate. I feel like my wheels are spinning and I'm rocking back and forth in the mud, but what is it going to take to pull me out?
daphne35 daphne35
22-25, F
1 Response Sep 26, 2011

I can relate to so much of what you say. Have you tried counselling? could be some underlying issues you aren't aware of. you have confidence issues like me... that can be very hard to overcome. i am working on the same sort of things. i hate too much unwanted attention too. i dont like people looking at me a lot of the time too and it bugs me sometimes.<br />
one thing i can suggest is try to not focus on your fears so much.... when we think about what we dont want we usually attract more of that into our lives. so when you are around crowds or men try not to say to yourself 'i dont want him to talk to me or look at me' ..just put your mind somewhere else and go about your business. with anxiety it is difficult to relax...... i know but try to calm your mind... and talking to someone about it.