I Am a Very Private Person
It's really something, over the years, to connect at times with people on EP. Really connect, in a way that seems very difficult for me to do in "real-life" very often, by which I mean nothing more than direct face-to-face encounters.
But there are times I think maybe I should have a warning label on my forehead, or somewhere else prominent and visible:
DAMAGED
There are a lot of reasons for my being a very private person. Mostly they are to do with emotional abuse of a magnitude I have no wish to try to describe. Suffice to say it was almost twenty years or so before I could even mention it had occured (or four years from when I joined EP). The result is that although I am quite friendly and compassionate, there are things I hold very closely to, and don't like to reveal. Now this frustrates people in my circle quite often, who are probably used to a lot more open-ness, especially via social-networking. I'm sorry. I am. Truly I am. Please don't take it personally. Ever.
There are also things that are pretty hair-raisingly difficult in my life. I come on here to escape from them. So I don't want to talk about them. Engaging about them online, for me just defeats a large part of the reason for my being on. Again, this hampers peoples ability to really relate to me. I'm sorry. I am. Truly I am. Please don't take it personally. Ever.
Now, I don't want to come across as a perpetual victim. That victim mentality has lost me an awful lot of time. I'm past that. But that doesn't mean I want to talk about the abuse. It doesn't mean I'm suddenly cured of that fear of intimacy, for example. I'm sorry. I am. Please don't take it personally. Ever.
I am working on it. And it will take me a long time. If that's not good enough, please, don't let my flaws be an annoyance to you. That's not what I intend. I am sure there are many more open people out there, with whom relating might be easier and more pleasurable.
Thanks for reading. Thanks for understanding. I'm sorry.
But there are times I think maybe I should have a warning label on my forehead, or somewhere else prominent and visible:
DAMAGED
There are a lot of reasons for my being a very private person. Mostly they are to do with emotional abuse of a magnitude I have no wish to try to describe. Suffice to say it was almost twenty years or so before I could even mention it had occured (or four years from when I joined EP). The result is that although I am quite friendly and compassionate, there are things I hold very closely to, and don't like to reveal. Now this frustrates people in my circle quite often, who are probably used to a lot more open-ness, especially via social-networking. I'm sorry. I am. Truly I am. Please don't take it personally. Ever.
There are also things that are pretty hair-raisingly difficult in my life. I come on here to escape from them. So I don't want to talk about them. Engaging about them online, for me just defeats a large part of the reason for my being on. Again, this hampers peoples ability to really relate to me. I'm sorry. I am. Truly I am. Please don't take it personally. Ever.
Now, I don't want to come across as a perpetual victim. That victim mentality has lost me an awful lot of time. I'm past that. But that doesn't mean I want to talk about the abuse. It doesn't mean I'm suddenly cured of that fear of intimacy, for example. I'm sorry. I am. Please don't take it personally. Ever.
I am working on it. And it will take me a long time. If that's not good enough, please, don't let my flaws be an annoyance to you. That's not what I intend. I am sure there are many more open people out there, with whom relating might be easier and more pleasurable.
Thanks for reading. Thanks for understanding. I'm sorry.
By:
justmeonline
Age:
36-40
,
Male
