Something I'll Never Do...

I've never had a problem telling someone that I like them or that I'm attracted to them, but to actually make the first move to something intimate.   I've never been able to do it, and I don't know why.  Maybe,  I'm too afraid to be rejected on that personal of a level.  

deleted deleted
26-30
2 Responses Feb 13, 2010

I couldn't have said it any better. I find myself usually waiting for the really obvious "signals" because of the negative reactions I've had in the past. Perhaps I've missed some nice opportunities as a result. The last thing I want to do is offend a lady.

You are a female. Females the world over hold back and let men take the risk of rejection. <br />
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I've wondered about why that is. I think it comes from women wanting to have their man be a protector and provider. A good protector and/or provider would be a man who would be bold, and assertive. So he would be a fellow who would be willing to make a first move. By holding back and letting the man make the first move, women are screening for bold, assertive men who will more likely be good protectors and providers.<br />
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But the subtle truth is that men won't approach a woman, usually, no matter how attractive he thinks she is, until he gets that flirty look from her. That signal that she'd like to be approached by him. She might not give that brief look, then look away, a second, then look again; until she has noticed that she's being looked at by him. So who is really making a first move.<br />
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Also, women (particularly including wives here) may make an invitational gesture, maybe be the clothes they choose to wear or how close they sit, that tell a man (hubby) that they would be receptive. If he doesn't notice, or doesn't react by making a move they want him to make, then they haven't been rejected. They just weren't enticing enough.<br />
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So women use attractions, and men make advances. Thus men take the risk of rejection, but they greatly lower that risk by making advances to women who have signal receptivity. <br />
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Which is why people sometimes thinks a woman "asked for it" when she wears slutty looking clothes, behaves wildly, and then gets pressured to hard for sex. By the clothes and behavior she announced that she was interested, approchable and willing, and then cried rape when some aggressive male overreacted. I do believe that No, means No, and it is reprehensible for a man to not take stop if a woman says, "No." But we all know that some women on here have posted about how hot it feels to be dominated sexually. We know that sometimes both genders enjoy rather rough sex.<br />
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So it's a complex and difficult game we play. I think these issues of shyness, and assertiveness, and who takes the risk of rejection, and how women are then sometimes raped because men become to brutish in their search for sexaul love (not that rape is in any way loving), are all in some way pieces of the same behaviorly sociality. John Grey said that a man usually experiences rejection about 100 times for every time he gets a woman to bed. I suspect that women can hardly imagine what that's like.<br />
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Then again, I can hardly appreciate what being eye candy and so concerned for my appearance would be like. Ahh, love. So elusive, and so attractive.