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I'm Doing What I Can

I need to take this weight out of me, so I'll write the story in here since no one knows me.
My father has always abuse me verbally since I have memory, It would be easy to hate him if he remembered the thing he says, but he doesn't, he always find a way to be the victim.
 
I don't know what makes him start to scream, but when he starts there's no way to stop him, he will start to scream that he is sick of me and my brother, that we will never hear about him again, that he hate us and he goes on and on the it comes a moment when I can't stand it anymore so I scream back and when I start to scream him that he can't say those thing he just says I never say that, you are swearing at me and thing like that.
 
The first memory I have is just awful, I have never tell anybody about it. I think I was like 3 and I heard a noise so I went into the Living room my mom was there in the floor and my dad standing there just staring there was a knife at first a I though she was dead, I remember crying and screaming for her, thankfully he had just knock her down. He use to beat my brother to and sometimes me, he doesn't do it anymore I don't know why. It took time to my mom but she finally was able to move, she is the most loving mother and the best mom in the world, she went through so much trying to protect us, but she doesn't have money so we still depend of my father.
 
like I say it would be easy to hate someone like him the problem is that he doesn't remember anything of this, and for some reason I hope he never does because what would it do to him if he knew the things he did to us, now I'm 16 my brother 21, but it still breaks my hearth how he can pas from being the best dad in the world to a beast like that. Last year it came to a point when I just couldn't trust him anymore and every time I start to trust him he let's me down again, he never keeps a promise.
 
My mom says that maybe he will change what I don't think that he can change because every time that I let myself think that he will change he let's me down again
 
I wish my mom could win more money so we could move to another town or even another country, but sadly the rich one is my father, that's another thing he can always give my brother and me money for anything, but , when we ask for more money for food he says no
 
I really don't know what to do I can't trust him, I can't love him but I can't hate him either
 
I'm sick of going to school after being the whole night awake of him calling every 5 minutes to insult me
glampard glampard 16-17, F 1 Response Dec 30, 2011

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I now what you mean. But don't let him get away.