Conditioned From Birth

My childhood wasn't always bad. It had its ups and downs, though my home life as a child was not very pleasant. I was brought up and raised to be what my father wanted me to be, a "strong man". I would be punished by him if I were to ever do anything "gay" or "girly" or if I would ever show signs of "weakness" by crying, or showing other emotions. I learned to bury my emotions because of it and I grew to hate my father. I never liked identifying as male or doing the traditional male stuff that others did. For years I had been this conditioned animal, always afraid of my father. It got to a point where I just got so fed up. It was when my grandfather, my fathers father died that I noticed that he changed. He never touched me again, never got onto me again. He was never the same again. It wasn't until a few short years later that he confronted me and he asked me, "Why is it that we never talk much?" I was taken back by him asking that. It was the breaking point for me. I started crying and screaming at him, "Because you are my father, who is supposed to be there for me and protect me and you hurt me! You hit me, slapped me, beat me, kicked me, and threw me to the floor and you ask why we can't talk. I HATE YOU!" He didn't say anything in responce. I am seeing a councelor about mending my father and I's relationship, if even possible. I find it so incredibly hard to forgive him, and I don't know if I ever can. Every welt, every bruise, every fractured or broken bone, I will never forget those pains.
ThePeanutTerminator ThePeanutTerminator
18-21
1 Response Jan 19, 2013

I've never forgiven my dad. He hasn't even got the decency to say he's sorry.