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Am I The Only Male

I read quite a few of your stories and I find it interesting, but not surprising that I have not read one story by a male.  This sort of goes with my experience as a victim of domestic violence. 

I was married very young to my high school sweetheart.  Everything was wonderful for the first few months and then we moved out of state.  that is where the trouble really begun.  She became very possessive of me, very controlling.  I would often times see her checking up on me, making sure i was where I said I would be, for instance, I would often look out the window at work and see her driving through the parking lot feeling the hood of the car to see if i had gone anywhere, that sort of thing.  Slowly it progressed to her becoming very belligerent with me when I came home from work, she would grill me about nearly every detail of my day.  By this time she had made friends with some of the local people and I thought that the situation would ease.  In fact, it was the opposite, the situation only became worse.  One day she was yelling and screaming at me because I did not rinse off a knife that I made a peanut butter sandwich with, I decided to walk away from her, because i was not going to be called the sort of things she was calling me and I thought I would just go for a walk and let the situation calm down.  The next thing I know the knife goes whizzing by my head and bounces off the wall.  Sure it was only a butter knife, and i thank my lucky stars that I didn't use a sharp knife and that she is a bad knife thrower.  Well, i can tell you that I got out of there as quickly as I could and got a hotel for the night.  We talked on the phone that night and she was 'sooo sorry' she didn't know what had come over her.  I made the mistake of telling her what hotel I was at and that I was still shaken by her actions so i was staying at the hotel and I would return the next day.  I came out that next morning to find all of my tires slashed.  Now that could have been a coincident, but something makes me think that it was her.

A week or so went by and I was sitting on the couch watching a football game and the next thing I know i am waking up to a killer headache and her standing over me with rolling pin in her hand.  She had hit me with it hard enough to knock me out for a few seconds, no yelling, no prompting, she just hit me.  I decided that it was not cool and I called the police.  Two things came out of this.  I was actually taken a side by the police and told that I should be "A man" about this and that I did not want my wife in jail and two that I should not be wasting the polices time.  The second thing that came out of this was that I found out that she had an awesome way of manipulating people and the police. 

This story basically ends when I told her, after a couple months of counseling and her abusive activities continuing, that I wanted a divorce.  I truly feel that if I would have stayed in that relationship i would be dead.  She still tries to friend me on Facebook and the like, but I never accept. 

I have now been in a happy and healthy relationship for 10 years, we don't fight much and when we do it is always about the issue, it never escalates into name calling or other forms of abuse.  I think I can't be the only male that has been abused on this site, are the egos keeping the other males away?
Aether71 Aether71 36-40, M 48 Responses Jun 3, 2010

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I don't care if u r male or female, u DO NOT deserve to be treated this way. Of course u know that and she has serious anger issues. I'm happy u had the courage yo write. About this. I'm sure it took a lot of guts to admit there is a problem

I read your story and sent you a message. I, too, am in a relationship where my wife verbally abuses me on a regular basis, and also physically abuses me as well. Thank you for sharing your story.

I read your story and sent you a message. I, too, am in a relationship where my wife verbally abuses me on a regular basis, and also physically abuses me as well. Thank you for sharing your story.

I believe your story and thank you for sharing it. You also write more clearly than most men do on EP. My own sister has behaved as you describe, to the point where I have ceased communicating with her except when our elderly mother changes nursing homes.<br />
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"...I would often look out the window at work and see her driving through the parking lot feeling the hood of the car to see if i had gone anywhere..."<br />
"I came out that next morning to find all of my tires slashed."<br />
ME. These details brings to mind the classic Hitchcock thrillers of the 1950s and 60s.<br />
Or the novels of Jim Thompson.<br />
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"I was actually taken a side by the police and told that I should be 'a man' about this and that I did not want my wife in jail, and that I should not be wasting the police's time. The second thing that came out of this was that I found out that she had an awesome way of manipulating people and the police."<br />
ME. That is exactly what I would expect. I noticed decades ago that women can easily manipulate the authorities because when they pretend to be victims or when they assert that they are being reasonable and the men in their lives are being unreasonable, they are almost always believed. To think otherwise violates feminist political correctness. A result of this situation is, in my opinion, that most marriage counselors are worthless. In my experience, a marriage counselor will never tell a wife outright that her behaviour has stepped over the line.

This is why in my posts about DV (Domestic Violence) that I use the terms "victim" and "abuser" rather than gender-identifying terms. People who work in the field are far more on top of statistics and the reality that DV is a human issue that humans need to address... not an issue that only women face. An abuser is an abuser, and it doesn't matter what's under their clothing--they'll kill you, maim you, permanently defile you... regardless of anyone's gender. I'm glad you were able to walk away.

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I know this thread is a bit old, and you're well away from that situation now, but I just wanted to tell you that you're definitely not alone. Other men DO experience Domestic Abuse, even if it doesn't always rate as physical violence. It can be anything ranging from emotional blackmail and control to physical assault. There's a good website called "Hidden Hurt" for anyone who is worried about any form of domestic abuse. They have a forum for discussing experiences, and you can get loads of useful advice.

Wow, dude, Rare that guys will talk about such things but I am glad you did. There are plenty of women who will be the agressor in a domestic violence situation but we rarely hear of it. Thanks for sharing and I hope you can put the hurt and pain behind you.

Not the only male that had been abused. Although in my case, i was pretty much pushing her to punch me. I would've.

Wow! You are courageous to write this. Male victims of domestic abuse rarely express this to others let alone to everyone on EP. I admire you for your courage. And your ability to express your experiences openly and honestly. I am glad you got out. And that she did not kill you. And the fact that she continues to pursue you is indicative of her inability to let go...What a monster in female form! I am glad you have found someone who loves you and who you love...An excellent ending to a bad fairy tale, dear man...Thank you for posting this story. I applaud you!

I am so sorry you had to go through that. It isn't talked about as much when a man is the victim, and it should be. Maybe your story will help others like you find their voice and make the "justice" system actually deliver.

:( so scary. i'm sorry. <br />
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[[hugs]]

Hi,

No, I am a male, in my 50s, a former Marine and I am an abused husband. Even now that is hard for me to write. I am still married to my abuser and for now, don't know what to do. At my age, and with little money, no real friends or family, my options are very limited. I have a lot of respect for you and how you got you. Glad you are doing so well and hope it continues. Thank you for sharing your story, it makes it easier for me.

Wow no one deserves to be treated like that... I can understand where your coming from but never be afraid to take that step.. I promise she will regret it one day..:(

I know how you feel. I've been isolated like that, too. No money to be independent and make a fresh start on my own. Age against me as far as getting another job goes. No friends of my own - they're all HER friends. No family left who can help me. And no one around who can give me any practical support of any kind. Luckily, I've got a couple of online friends who understand. I chat to them occasionally, but they can't give me any "practical" help, which is what I need the most!
In the past few years, I've been lucky enough to have had a couple of minor affairs, hoping that they'd turn out well, and that they could help me escape from my own home situation, but they haven't.
So I'm still stuck at home, trapped in a loveless marriage, with a selfish, uncaring, unfeeling, inconsiderate wife.
But I continue to live in hope!
(even though sometimes it feels hopeless)

wow

Wow

Is your default pic John Stamos?

Once my girl friend in England was like that. not that bad though, and she had a good side too that made me stay in the relationship. she was controlling like yours and the things she did... I look back now and think I shouldn't have stayed with her. Glad you left your baddy too.

I'm sorry you had to go through that