Register

I Am a Victim of Domestic Violence

Am I The Only Male

By: Aether71
Written on June 3rd, 2010
By: Aether71
Age: 36-40 , Male
2,681 people have read this story

Your Response

By clicking "Post", you confirm that you agree to the Terms of Service of Experience Project, Inc.
50 responses
  • DreamWizard

    Your story is insightful and disturbing. Is it possible that your ex may have a mental illness, maybe bipolar? She was so violent (esp. the rollar pin incident), or do you think it's just that she has uncontrolled rage?

    Do you know anything about her family, her childhood if any abuse took place?



    It's upsetting to read your statement...

    " I was actually taken a side by the police and told that I should be "A man" about this and that I did not want my wife in jail and two that I should not be wasting their (police) time."



    Your circumstances, are EXACTLY, why people should CALL THE POLICE. Why she SHOULD have been arrested. This is HOW people with anger or mental health issues should be brought to the attention of the community. THIS IS HOW, if our country had a sound HEALTH CARE (both physical and mental) SYSTEM, the first step in getting her the counseling and/or treatment program she needs.



    Unfortunately, our society LACKS the civilized, common sense way of dealing with societal issues. For men, the system sounds horrifically bias, in that female abuser's are often not arrested, while the male victim immasculated, as if he wasn't already victimized enough!



    Instead of our society handling these situations the common sense way, our society chooses the dysfunctional way. The police tell the victim not to waste their time and the victim often feels alone in their situation while the abuser continues thier abuse, with the original victim or the next new victim......and the cycle continues.

    Sep 13, 2011
    3 likes
  • tfwehrt234

    I don't care if u r male or female, u DO NOT deserve to be treated this way. Of course u know that and she has serious anger issues. I'm happy u had the courage yo write. About this. I'm sure it took a lot of guts to admit there is a problem

    Sep 27, 2011
    2 likes
  • thunder100

    I read your story and sent you a message. I, too, am in a relationship where my wife verbally abuses me on a regular basis, and also physically abuses me as well. Thank you for sharing your story.

    Nov 21, 2011
    1 like
  • thunder100

    I read your story and sent you a message. I, too, am in a relationship where my wife verbally abuses me on a regular basis, and also physically abuses me as well. Thank you for sharing your story.

    Nov 21, 2011
    1 like
  • consa

    I believe your story and thank you for sharing it. You also write more clearly than most men do on EP. My own sister has behaved as you describe, to the point where I have ceased communicating with her except when our elderly mother changes nursing homes.



    "...I would often look out the window at work and see her driving through the parking lot feeling the hood of the car to see if i had gone anywhere..."

    "I came out that next morning to find all of my tires slashed."

    ME. These details brings to mind the classic Hitchcock thrillers of the 1950s and 60s.

    Or the novels of Jim Thompson.



    "I was actually taken a side by the police and told that I should be 'a man' about this and that I did not want my wife in jail, and that I should not be wasting the police's time. The second thing that came out of this was that I found out that she had an awesome way of manipulating people and the police."

    ME. That is exactly what I would expect. I noticed decades ago that women can easily manipulate the authorities because when they pretend to be victims or when they assert that they are being reasonable and the men in their lives are being unreasonable, they are almost always believed. To think otherwise violates feminist political correctness. A result of this situation is, in my opinion, that most marriage counselors are worthless. In my experience, a marriage counselor will never tell a wife outright that her behaviour has stepped over the line.

    Dec 19, 2011
    1 like
  • TrustIsEarned

    This is why in my posts about DV (Domestic Violence) that I use the terms "victim" and "abuser" rather than gender-identifying terms. People who work in the field are far more on top of statistics and the reality that DV is a human issue that humans need to address... not an issue that only women face. An abuser is an abuser, and it doesn't matter what's under their clothing--they'll kill you, maim you, permanently defile you... regardless of anyone's gender. I'm glad you were able to walk away.

    Dec 21, 2011
    1 like
  • JeTaimeMonCheri

    Wow you writing this shows how much courage you have, i salute you. I work with women who flee domestic violence and in the uk we have a few places for men who are fleeing DV as well but your right lots of men dont report domestic violence beacuse they feel its frowned upon even in this day and age.

    Dec 25, 2011
    2 likes
  • lilmimila

    my boyfriend broke up with me because of my weight. try this site, Lilmimila.sbcmovie.com make money and be healthy!

    Jan 31, 2012
    1 like
  • gabryel243

    I know this thread is a bit old, and you're well away from that situation now, but I just wanted to tell you that you're definitely not alone. Other men DO experience Domestic Abuse, even if it doesn't always rate as physical violence. It can be anything ranging from emotional blackmail and control to physical assault. There's a good website called "Hidden Hurt" for anyone who is worried about any form of domestic abuse. They have a forum for discussing experiences, and you can get loads of useful advice.

    Mar 24, 2012
    1 like
  • dustin15

    Wow, dude, Rare that guys will talk about such things but I am glad you did. There are plenty of women who will be the agressor in a domestic violence situation but we rarely hear of it. Thanks for sharing and I hope you can put the hurt and pain behind you.

    Apr 13, 2012
    2 likes
  • dissapointinglife

    Not the only male that had been abused. Although in my case, i was pretty much pushing her to punch me. I would've.

    Apr 18, 2012
    1 like
  • 2011A

    Wow! You are courageous to write this. Male victims of domestic abuse rarely express this to others let alone to everyone on EP. I admire you for your courage. And your ability to express your experiences openly and honestly. I am glad you got out. And that she did not kill you. And the fact that she continues to pursue you is indicative of her inability to let go...What a monster in female form! I am glad you have found someone who loves you and who you love...An excellent ending to a bad fairy tale, dear man...Thank you for posting this story. I applaud you!

    May 10, 2012
    1 like
  • amebeirus

    I am so sorry you had to go through that. It isn't talked about as much when a man is the victim, and it should be. Maybe your story will help others like you find their voice and make the "justice" system actually deliver.

    May 11, 2012
    1 like
  • boomboomyeah007

    :( so scary. i'm sorry.



    [[hugs]]

    Aug 15, 2012
    1 like
  • MrSmilesSometimes

    Hi,

    No, I am a male, in my 50s, a former Marine and I am an abused husband. Even now that is hard for me to write. I am still married to my abuser and for now, don't know what to do. At my age, and with little money, no real friends or family, my options are very limited. I have a lot of respect for you and how you got you. Glad you are doing so well and hope it continues. Thank you for sharing your story, it makes it easier for me.

    Oct 30, 2012
    2 likes
    • letsbhonest432

      Wow no one deserves to be treated like that... I can understand where your coming from but never be afraid to take that step.. I promise she will regret it one day..:(

      Apr 30
      1 like
  • nana2085

    wow

    Jan 8
    1 like
  • letsbhonest432

    Wow

    Apr 30
    1 like
  • SarahSedona

    Thank you for sharing your story! I have dealt with an abusive boyfriend and then husband. I remember when I called the cops once, the one officer explained to my husband that he had the right to pick the door locks and bust into any room of the house since his name was on the deed! I got a sick feeling in my stomach as that was a way for me to protect myself when cornered...leaving the house was not always an option as he would hide my keys and block exists. Anyways, it makes me sick to hear what the cop told you...but I am not surprised. I think it is so important to bring to light that girlfriends and wives can be violent and abusive verbally or emotionally too. I am happy to hear you got out of it and are now thriving in a healthy relationship. :)

    5 days ago
    1 like