Past Abuse Effects The PresentHi Everyone,
My name is Ruby. I was in a sexually abusive relationship about 6 years ago which lasted only nine months. However, it did more damage than I really thought. C. was an escape for me while my mother was dying of cancer. I dropped out of school and took an FMLA leave from work (which I do not regret) to be with her so that she didn't have to die in a hospital or nursing home. I met C. at school and whenever I had free time, I would spend it with him. He knew my situation and he took advantage of it. We slept together the first time we went out. After that, he would "suggest" things, and if I didn't go along with them, he would call me names, hit me, or do it anyway.
It sounds so stupid now that I put up with it, but I wasn't in my right mind then and there were other mental health issues that I was dealing with which fed into everything. It was a train wreck. I got out because my OB-GYN noticed the bruising and other things, and she told me that if I didn't make a police report, then she would have to by law. So, I made an anonymous report. As anonymous as it could be - he called me and left a voicemail (because I didn't pick up) that he was glad my mother was dying because I deserved it. And then that was it.
But what sucks is that after that, I didn't care who I slept with or when or why or what drugs I did because I didn't think I really mattered. I felt damaged and worthless. And even now, I am married, and sex is a scary thing for me. I've been married for 4 years, and I just feel like I don't even want to "go there" anymore. It's affecting my marriage, and I really don't know what to do. I finally told my husband just a month ago about C. He is very supportive, but frustrated, which I understand. We are seeking a marriage counsellor and I hope it will help.
Thank you for reading.
RubyInTheSkyWithCheetos 31-35, F 5 Responses 2 Jul 27, 2011