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How Do You Know You Have It Bad?

i am in my eary twenties and have moved around the country since highschool. i have always been with a man,never by myself. when i was ready to be independent i moved to chicago not looking for anyone but myself and ended up trying to help a young man. he clung on to my independece and trailed on my coat all the way to Florida. Now that my money has dried up and i have fallen on bad times i expected him to take care of me like i took care of him.I thought i knew the man but i guess i was wrong because that is when i realized he was a selfish,unapperciative person. he has never done anything for others only himself.He started to control who i spoke to,who i hung out with,and when i got to go out. i used to be a confident young lady but not i feel my self essteem and respect gone to the fishes.we started fighting more over his lies and controlling behavior as well as his commitment to our relationship.Him being 6ft tall and me being only 5'6 with a pair of heels on the only way i could get my voice heard was from yelling and violating his personal boundaries. i admit to being aggressive because i grew up with that sort of problem solving,but has for him,he resort to violence.i as well resort to violence when needed,but now it has gone from bad to worse. we both have bruises and scratches and have cried to out but it never seems to stop. if i don't fight back then i will be pushed around, if i fight back he says he is trying to defend himself.he threatens me with the police as if they would side with him. Once upon a time,the police were called and i refused to contend to the lies he told so i admitted to defending my self with my nails and a high heel shoe. The police officer arrested me and booked me.My man came to the arraignment and didn't press charges but i felt such injustice.He use to feel like a monster now he has no regrets for putting his hands on me. i feel lost and alone and that no one will help me. i have no phone no money and no friends/family near by.All the shelters are full , i am afraid to leave the house sometimes in fear he will leave work to come check up on me. i don't know where to start to get help and with this court date coming up i dont want to upset him so he will not testify on my case. how do i know its a bad situation? where are the options?
ComoLaFlor77 ComoLaFlor77 22-25, F 5 Responses Sep 15, 2011

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My advice to anyone if there is a long history of drugs, alcohol and she/he is a control freak run. Now keep your head and don't let him blame you. My wife had a long criminal record, drug problem and even told me about beating and locking up her ex's I JUST tuned it out. Rebuild and keep your head high.

Wow now I have seen more red flags then I should have...you are definately in the wrong kind of relationship...every dog has his day and his will come....I will plant a curse on him....one day when he least expects it... two men will see that he is taken care of... he will no longer harm you...you will be set free from the abuse...it will take many years for you to come to terms with yourself....but deep down you are a strong woman and know this... God sees all....I am not a religious person but I have faith that all bad will pass...believe it... with all your heart...I have been sent to save those in disperate times....

thank you for your advice and words,i have contacted a shelter in the tampa area but they can only take me so far. i will travel back to where my family stays once i go to court but i have a feeling i will be homeless if i leave. its not as bad as other real battered houses,i grew up in an emotional & physical abuse home so im a lot stronger than my family knows. Thank you again for your king thoughts.

I hope you remain resilient throughout! My mom was also a passive victim of domestic violence (through seeing her father abuse her mother) and now she is a direct victim by her husband. I have never seen a woman so resilient (God bless her)! And wishing you all the very best

American National hotline 1-800-799-SAFE. <br />
Getting Ready to Leave<br />
<br />
Keep any evidence of physical abuse, such as pictures.<br />
Know where you can go to get help; tell someone what is happening to you.<br />
If you are injured, go to a doctor or an emergency room and report what happened to you. Ask that they document your visit.<br />
Plan with your children and identify a safe place for them, like a room with a lock or a friend’s house where they can go for help. Reassure them that their job is to stay safe, not to protect you.<br />
Contact your local battered women’s shelter and find out about laws and other resources available to you before you have to use them during a crisis.<br />
Keep a journal of all violent incidences, noting dates, events and threats made, if possible.<br />
Acquire job skills or take courses at a community college as you can.<br />
Try to set money aside or ask friends or family members to hold money for you.

I really like what you have mentioned!

I think it is SO important to keep evidence. But its not only physical abuse you need to keep evidence of. You can use video or voice recording functions on your phone to record arguments or episodies of his anger. This will serve as a vaulable resource for the police for any non-physical abuse (such as verbal abuse or psychological control).

This is very typical of an abuser to turn the blame around on its victim. more common than you know. This gives him more power over you. Now you are walking on egg shells. I am curious to know where abouts you live. There is always a domestic violence hotline that you can call and they can lead you somewhere safe for you to stay. I am wondering if you are entitle to social assistance. There are funds out there for women of domestic violence. Plus if you can prove that he has been abusing you...there is legal help out there to help reverse your charges. You are really in a vulnerable state and its very unsafe for you. Please stay safe and I hope all works out for you;))