How Do You Know You Have It Bad?
i am in my eary twenties and have moved around the country since highschool. i have always been with a man,never by myself. when i was ready to be independent i moved to chicago not looking for anyone but myself and ended up trying to help a young man. he clung on to my independece and trailed on my coat all the way to Florida. Now that my money has dried up and i have fallen on bad times i expected him to take care of me like i took care of him.I thought i knew the man but i guess i was wrong because that is when i realized he was a selfish,unapperciative person. he has never done anything for others only himself.He started to control who i spoke to,who i hung out with,and when i got to go out. i used to be a confident young lady but not i feel my self essteem and respect gone to the fishes.we started fighting more over his lies and controlling behavior as well as his commitment to our relationship.Him being 6ft tall and me being only 5'6 with a pair of heels on the only way i could get my voice heard was from yelling and violating his personal boundaries. i admit to being aggressive because i grew up with that sort of problem solving,but has for him,he resort to violence.i as well resort to violence when needed,but now it has gone from bad to worse. we both have bruises and scratches and have cried to out but it never seems to stop. if i don't fight back then i will be pushed around, if i fight back he says he is trying to defend himself.he threatens me with the police as if they would side with him. Once upon a time,the police were called and i refused to contend to the lies he told so i admitted to defending my self with my nails and a high heel shoe. The police officer arrested me and booked me.My man came to the arraignment and didn't press charges but i felt such injustice.He use to feel like a monster now he has no regrets for putting his hands on me. i feel lost and alone and that no one will help me. i have no phone no money and no friends/family near by.All the shelters are full , i am afraid to leave the house sometimes in fear he will leave work to come check up on me. i don't know where to start to get help and with this court date coming up i dont want to upset him so he will not testify on my case. how do i know its a bad situation? where are the options?