High School Romance Gone Wrong

I am 26 years old and the mother to 3 beautiful children, I have my own home, land, cars, and a husband. Seems like the perfect life right? From the outside looking in yes it does look wonderful but if you could walk through my front door into my everyday life it would be like walking into one of the worst horror stories ever told. I met my husband in 9th grade I was a freshman and he was a junior. I thought he was wonderful the perfect boy, and things where fine for about 6 months then he started showing jealously and possessive behavior. He would verbally insult me and belittle me, make me stay home all the time while he went out and had fun with his friends. Well, as time went by I just pushed his behavior off to the side because I love him, then we got married and everything changed after the birth of our first child, he started hitting me, threatening to kill me, kicking me, pulling guns out on me threatening to kill me in front of our child. I couldn't leave my family was big on marriage I was so lost well then another baby came into our lives and he would still do everything he done before while I was pregnant it was a miracle that any of my children made it into this world. It has been 12 years later and nothing has changed except the beating are getting worse and the feeling deep down inside of me is getting stronger to end it all everyday and the only reason I am still here is because of my children. I don't know  what it feels like to wake up not hurting or having bruises and watching everyone look and wonder what happened but never offer a helping hand. I might sleep 3 hours a night because i am crying to myself half the time or to scared to close me eyes, my children sleep in the room with me because they are scared. I have had him arrested 2 different times but all they done was give him a slap on the wrist and sent him back home, and I have learned not to call the police after he broke my fingers and gave me a concussion. Most woman worry about do I look pretty to go out with my husband? What should I make us for dinner or I miss my husband, Not me I hate hearing his car pull in because i know he will be in a bad mood and the hell begins. Most people say why don't you just leave? Well, it isn't that simple. I have tried even was in another relationship with a man who actually cared an was a good man, but that only lasted about 6 months before my husband( We were going through a divorce) stepped into the picture and caused a lot of problems, ended up getting beat to the point I could not see out of my right eye and he threatened to take the children and leave with them and I couldn't live without my babies so I went back, seems that is how it always works out. People worry if they are gonna die in a car wreck, by cancer or some other source, I fear that I will dye at the hands of my husband, the man who is suppose to love me, protect me and help me is the one I fear the most!
DyingInside8527 DyingInside8527
26-30, F
May 14, 2012