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I Feel So Lost And Confused, What Do I Do?

My husband and I have been married for 5 years. The first time he hit me was 2 years into the marriage, although I look back now and can see the warning signs right from the beginning. The first time he hit me, it was pretty intense and came out of nowhere. It was a period of 2 days where he would just hit me out of nowhere and strangle me until I got the strength to leave and call the cops. After listening to him beg for another chance, I dropped charges. Things stayed good for about a year and then he hit me a second time. This time, the police were never called. The third time was about a month ago where he came to my work and started pushing me, telling me he was going to kill me. Every time he has hit me or pushed me around he has been high on drugs or intoxicated.

I got a call today from his public defender who stated that my husband said I wanted to drop charges. I never said I wanted to drop charges this time, he is just assuming I will again. Now I feel so guilty and don't know what to do. Should I drop charges again? I'm scared of him, even though when he's sober he can be really nice. I'm hoping someone here can give advice
ginnyd ginnyd 46-50, F 4 Responses Jul 17, 2012

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Trust me, they never change. His bad behavior will be repeated. My abusive ex has been through years of battering intervention and AA and it has not made a bit of difference. He threatened to beat up my boyfriend just last week and we have been divorced well over a year. I still have to see him because of the kids and there are periods when he is 'nice' as you say your husband is, but the abuse always comes roaring back. I realize this is one of the hardest things to accept. I still struggle with it. I left him and never looked back, but I still get false hope periodically that he has changed and that we can co-parent effectively, but I always get disappointed. You need to do what is right for you and staying with an abusive man is not right. You need to get out of the relationship safely and make him take responsibility for what he did by pressing charges. I wish you the best of luck. I really do know how hard this is.

Pressing charges is hard, I know. But its not the hardest part. The hardest part is staying away and not believing the web of lies he creates.<br />
Do the thing that's right for you. Whether that's pressing charges or not (though I do honestly think you should, but I don't think you wrote this to hear people say that). The important thing is to leave your husband. You did it once, and you can do it again!<br />
But try, if you can, to get away from the area just for a couple of weeks. Somewhere that when you're feeling weak and want to go back to him, its not as easy to do so. <br />
I left my partner after a series of abuse, stayed with my friends not far away for a week. But I felt like I was imposing and I missed him. I went back. He threw me down the stairs, beat the life out of me. I then found the strength to press charges (actually as silly as it sounds it was because he threw my facourite book in the bath!).<br />
I hope you find the power. It is inside you. There are lots of support groups out there that can help you. <br />
Good luck. I truly mean that.

No, don't drop the charges, and don't accept any calls from him. Move on..<br />
<br />
He will not change, and will continue to abuse you, until a night comes where he makes his threat to kill you come true. If I were you I would also start divorce proceedings and have him served while he's in jail. <br />
<br />
I know it's hard, and it's not going to be easy, but keep putting your foot one in front of another and move forward, please don't look back. You have nothing to feel guilty or shame for none of this is your fault, it is his. You can correct it now by just keep moving forward.. <br />
<br />
Hugs to you,<br />
GOD Bless

do the right thing for you just because you press charges there is no guarentee hell go to prison, are you together at the moment id suggest he goes for help with his drink or drug problem but in my experience they are just hiding behind the drink or drug if they can hit you once and you let them get away with it they will do it again !