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I Am a Victim of Domestic Violence

Lived With An Abusive Man For 6 Years

By: REC0VERED
Written on April 30th, 2007
By: REC0VERED
Age: 41-45 , Female
1,793 people have read this story

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17 responses
  • REC0VERED

    funny - just this past year in july - i got tossed out of my parents house. my sister became conservator for them and decided it was time for me to go. she put a restraining order on me. I moved out into my car. then lived in a tent on the edge of a friends property - and guess who lived in the woods near me. the man who used to beat me.

    he still thought i was his. he showed me his tattoo with my name on him. said - he still loved me. but i am no fool. i have never dated another man who laid a finger on me. in fact, once one did - and i broke up with him after he asked me to marry him. FOOL he was.

    anywho - after just 1 month of living next to him - he began to torment me again. threatening if i didn't give him money he would slash my tent to shreds and throw my stuff in stream next to the tent... and so i gave him a few dollars here and there bc i had no place else to go. and i couldn't risk him doing anything to my meager possessions. i couldn't go to the police because we were both squatting on public land. and if i got the wrong cop - he could make me leave as well.

    so he had me cornered. one thing i made sure of he was not allowed in my tent. that was a boundary he eventually crossed.

    one day i had just started a new medication for nerve pain - i had a bad reaction and became almost comatose. first i just felt drunk. he asked to come inside my tent bc it was raining. and my tent you could stand up in - his was a pup tent. i was like "i guess" - that night while i was out cold with eye open - he raped me again. after that - i started using again. I had beecome an addict in 1998 when the pain from my jaw (tht he broke when i was just 17) had returned and had me in tears everyday. but i quit finally. got a grip on reality in 2000 - and after he raped me - i relapsed. now i have a month sobriety because i am far away from him.

    eventually i found a place to live - believe it or not - i used craigslist to find a place to live. I offered to work for room and board. and got a job working for a home-based ebay business doing data entry in exchange for a room. But it is an hour away from my folks. and on New Years Eve my car died. So now i have to take the bus for 40 dollars round trip to see my elderly parents. but i am a survivor. and nothing will ever take me down.

    Jan 16
    1 like
  • BornAnArtist

    stupid, no....but at the part about sexually servicing band members, hell no i would've been left.

    Jan 5
    1 like
  • Kitten1992

    Don't think you were too stupid to leave sooner. Abusers are master manipulators. I hope you are no longer homeless and thanks for being an inspiration.

    Nov 2, 2012
    1 like
  • SBeena

    I admire your courage. I'm in an abusive marriage-I left many times but ended up going back.,I'm trying to break the cycle but it's hard. It's amazing to hear stories like yours. Hope you are doing well and continue to do so.

    Sep 9, 2012
    1 like
  • DyingInside8527

    You are one of the lucky ones who got away from your tormentor, That takes a lot of strength and courage. I myself am living in your old shoes and have been for the last 11 years. Be proud of yourself and I would like to thank you for posting your story but I would love to know how you are doing now?

    May 14, 2012
    1 like
    • REC0VERED

      i have never gone back to an abuser. but my life isn't great by any means. i have been married since then. then became an addict. then got clean. then this past fall - i relapsed after being raped again by that 1st boyfriend again. - i can't seem to catch a break. updated the story and commented about what happened since.

      Jan 16
      1 like
    • forgift

      From my experience,... getting together with a new lover is the worst thing you can do. You could end up taking a lot of past aggression out on him even though he doesn't deserve it! You might even attack him in ways that you never would've attacked your abuser. Honestly, you should seek help/contact at local shelters and learn how to survive by yourself and ONLY you. Once you realize how strong you are, then you might be ready for a male counterpart. I've been single for over a year and a half and I still can't believe that It's just me and my dog....and honestly, I would feel strange if a man came in between us, LOL! Getting to know yourself is the SMARTEST thing to do. When I was with my abuser, he referred to me as a "work horse". As if I wasn't beautiful enough to be a trophy wife! I look back on that and laugh.... I am SO freaking beautiful and no one else should even attempt to tell me differently.

      Apr 22
      1 like
  • Missalaineyeus

    {{{{{{{{{hug}}}}}}}}} I agree with all the other comments; how are you doing now hon?



    You are an intelligent, loving woman who realized abuse and decided to live your life on your own; I am so sorry that you have known homelessness but I would imagine that even having no home is so much better than living with an abuser!!! I am happy that he was "just" a bf; you have no legal ties to him and you are FREE...would love to hear how you are doing.

    Apr 3, 2012
    2 likes
  • IntuitiveOne

    I'm glad you recognized this in yourself. I don't know if I would have. Did you get stalked by him too?

    Nov 26, 2011
    2 likes
  • muneca1soy2002

    I dont know how you did it for 6 years wow I only took it for 6 months

    Sep 24, 2011
    3 likes
  • BrokenBear

    Parts of your story are painfully familiar. I, too, would like to read more if you're willing to share. Thank you for sharing what you have. And you weren't stupid for staying, you were just trapped. Abusers are quite adept at helping us build our own mental cages. But take solace in the strength that you used to escape and stay away. It is a very rare feat and you should be proud of yourself. I hope things are going better for you now and if you want to talk, please, feel free to add or message me.

    Jun 27, 2011
    4 likes
  • zobiana

    I too was with an abuser for 4 years. I left him many times and went back. That is the scenario for those wrapped up in the cycle of abuse. I am out now for almost a year and I am doing well. I hope you are too.

    Jun 27, 2011
    3 likes
  • cdawg121forever

    i would also like to hear more and i hope that ur doing ok now :)

    Mar 15, 2011
    2 likes
  • ccmeme27

    i to no how u fell i get callen namse dayley,i feel the fear inside that one day one wont walk away.wode like to talk to u .ccmeme27

    Jan 17, 2011
    1 like
  • needspace

    you are amazing to have come through that. i hope your life just keeps getting better and better for you, you deserve a break after all you have been through.

    Oct 25, 2007
    1 like
  • Nabalswife

    I'd like to know more. I too hope you are alright now.

    I sooo admire you, you are a strong woman!

    Sep 5, 2007
    2 likes
  • BrutMystik

    Are you okay now? I hope so. You are a hero for women in this situation. Someone should disable your exbf, right away, before he "bothers" anyone else with his bullshit.

    May 5, 2007
    4 likes