Lived With An Abusive Man For 6 Years

I guess I was too stupid to leave... or many I was too desperate to have a man... a good-looking man.  So I put up with physical, mental and sexual abuse for 6 years.  I would go to work with black eyes, he had a rock band, and had me service his bandmates in a sexual way.  Tortured and tormented my life... til I tried to kill him..

I knew then I had to get away... it was he was gonna kill me, or I was gonna kill him - and life in prison did not sound like a good idea for me.

so I left with only the clothes on my back, and my car - I lived in my car for 6 months - washing up at the diner... so I could be clean for work.

They knew I was homeless, but as long as I didn't involve my private life with my work, and I did my job - they didn't complain. 

But ever-so-often my exbf would find out where I was sleeping, and come around to bother me - I had to keep moving.  He came to my job too - but they got rid of him for me.

There is alot more to this story... but this is the basics... want to know more, ask.

I found a guy who was so unlike that guy that I jumped at the chance to be with him... but nothing in life ever goes smoothly. we got together. we had a great life - we kissed, cuddled, made love - he never hit me or yelled at me. we got a nice house and cars, and the whole nine yards. then one morning pain hit me - so strong i thought i would die. my jaw that had been broken when i was 17 by my rock star boyfriend started to hurt again. I went to the dentist and told them take out my teeth - they hurt. they told me nothing was wrong with my teeth but i didn't believe them. i had all my teeth removed. and still the pain was incredible. my boss at the time told me - you have to stop crying at work - you are being disruptive to the people around you. i had worked there 3 yrs. i couldn't kill the pain - not even with pain killers. so i stupidly thought that maybe like novacaine cocaine would work. so i asked around. i found it. it worked great for 6 months - no pain. just rubbed a little powder on my jaw when i was workign and i was fine - no crying. lol - i was so ******* naive. i had no idea how the drug world worked. 

and one day my car broke down, i went to the dealers house becausae theyre were always so many cars there - i figured someone ought to be able to give me a ride. they said sure - as long as we can use your washing machine. i said fine. then they used my phone. and soon the people that were coming next door to buy drugs were coming to my house. and everyone in my building began snorting coke. i tried it but it made me throw up. 

one day though - about 3 months later - i was going to the bathroom. and you had to walk through the den to get there. there was this chick sitting on my floor with a small bottle (nip bottle) with tin foil on the top - the dealer was lighting it. i said - what the **** are you doing? she said - come on lynn - give it try... you never get addicted to anything. i thought what the **** - everyone else is doing something. and i all i am doing is going to work all the time to pay the bills. well as you can imagine i got addicted that very day. and my life turned to **** shortly after. i have enough crap to share that i could write a book. but so many people have written about there stories already. and mine doesn't seem to ever end. so I don;'t feel like I have the right to write about something i have yet to overcome. anyway - my husband started using, and eventually couldn't stop cheating on me. so i threw him out. eventually losing my house and the cars and the jobs. going to jail a few times - finally got me clean - til MICHAEL RAPED ME AGAIN IN OCTOBER OF 2012. 

41-45, F
18 Responses Apr 30, 2007

I'm sorry that happened to you .I have a question? My husband is very abusive hits me pushes me not much he hasn't do. Right now he is not working I am I can leave and am finally ready .but should I care if he's ok

Bullish!t he should have killed you when he had the chance you whinging ******

Touched by your experience and wow, servicing his band mates? omg this brought tears to my eyes.

funny - just this past year in july - i got tossed out of my parents house. my sister became conservator for them and decided it was time for me to go. she put a restraining order on me. I moved out into my car. then lived in a tent on the edge of a friends property - and guess who lived in the woods near me. the man who used to beat me.

he still thought i was his. he showed me his tattoo with my name on him. said - he still loved me. but i am no fool. i have never dated another man who laid a finger on me. in fact, once one did - and i broke up with him after he asked me to marry him. FOOL he was.

anywho - after just 1 month of living next to him - he began to torment me again. threatening if i didn't give him money he would slash my tent to shreds and throw my stuff in stream next to the tent... and so i gave him a few dollars here and there bc i had no place else to go. and i couldn't risk him doing anything to my meager possessions. i couldn't go to the police because we were both squatting on public land. and if i got the wrong cop - he could make me leave as well.

so he had me cornered. one thing i made sure of he was not allowed in my tent. that was a boundary he eventually crossed.

one day i had just started a new medication for nerve pain - i had a bad reaction and became almost comatose. first i just felt drunk. he asked to come inside my tent bc it was raining. and my tent you could stand up in - his was a pup tent. i was like "i guess" - that night while i was out cold with eye open - he raped me again. after that - i started using again. I had beecome an addict in 1998 when the pain from my jaw (tht he broke when i was just 17) had returned and had me in tears everyday. but i quit finally. got a grip on reality in 2000 - and after he raped me - i relapsed. now i have a month sobriety because i am far away from him.

eventually i found a place to live - believe it or not - i used craigslist to find a place to live. I offered to work for room and board. and got a job working for a home-based ebay business doing data entry in exchange for a room. But it is an hour away from my folks. and on New Years Eve my car died. So now i have to take the bus for 40 dollars round trip to see my elderly parents. but i am a survivor. and nothing will ever take me down.

stupid, no....but at the part about sexually servicing band members, hell no i would've been left.

You'd have been knocked the fcuk out

Don't think you were too stupid to leave sooner. Abusers are master manipulators. I hope you are no longer homeless and thanks for being an inspiration.

I admire your courage. I'm in an abusive marriage-I left many times but ended up going back.,I'm trying to break the cycle but it's hard. It's amazing to hear stories like yours. Hope you are doing well and continue to do so.

You are one of the lucky ones who got away from your tormentor, That takes a lot of strength and courage. I myself am living in your old shoes and have been for the last 11 years. Be proud of yourself and I would like to thank you for posting your story but I would love to know how you are doing now?

i have never gone back to an abuser. but my life isn't great by any means. i have been married since then. then became an addict. then got clean. then this past fall - i relapsed after being raped again by that 1st boyfriend again. - i can't seem to catch a break. updated the story and commented about what happened since.

From my experience,... getting together with a new lover is the worst thing you can do. You could end up taking a lot of past aggression out on him even though he doesn't deserve it! You might even attack him in ways that you never would've attacked your abuser. Honestly, you should seek help/contact at local shelters and learn how to survive by yourself and ONLY you. Once you realize how strong you are, then you might be ready for a male counterpart. I've been single for over a year and a half and I still can't believe that It's just me and my dog....and honestly, I would feel strange if a man came in between us, LOL! Getting to know yourself is the SMARTEST thing to do. When I was with my abuser, he referred to me as a "work horse". As if I wasn't beautiful enough to be a trophy wife! I look back on that and laugh.... I am SO freaking beautiful and no one else should even attempt to tell me differently.

{{{{{{{{{hug}}}}}}}}} I agree with all the other comments; how are you doing now hon? <br />
<br />
You are an intelligent, loving woman who realized abuse and decided to live your life on your own; I am so sorry that you have known homelessness but I would imagine that even having no home is so much better than living with an abuser!!! I am happy that he was "just" a bf; you have no legal ties to him and you are FREE...would love to hear how you are doing.

I'm glad you recognized this in yourself. I don't know if I would have. Did you get stalked by him too?

I dont know how you did it for 6 years wow I only took it for 6 months

Parts of your story are painfully familiar. I, too, would like to read more if you're willing to share. Thank you for sharing what you have. And you weren't stupid for staying, you were just trapped. Abusers are quite adept at helping us build our own mental cages. But take solace in the strength that you used to escape and stay away. It is a very rare feat and you should be proud of yourself. I hope things are going better for you now and if you want to talk, please, feel free to add or message me.

I too was with an abuser for 4 years. I left him many times and went back. That is the scenario for those wrapped up in the cycle of abuse. I am out now for almost a year and I am doing well. I hope you are too.

i would also like to hear more and i hope that ur doing ok now :)

i to no how u fell i get callen namse dayley,i feel the fear inside that one day one wont walk away.wode like to talk to u .ccmeme27

you are amazing to have come through that. i hope your life just keeps getting better and better for you, you deserve a break after all you have been through.

I'd like to know more. I too hope you are alright now.<br />
I sooo admire you, you are a strong woman!

Are you okay now? I hope so. You are a hero for women in this situation. Someone should disable your exbf, right away, before he "bothers" anyone else with his bullshit.