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The Gift That Keeps On Giving

The long and short of it is that I was born into a highly volatile family where fear set in pretty quickly. It becomes a huge part of living. And although I'm no longer a child, growing up with a ticking time bomb still impacts my life today as an adult. That's about all I'm ready to say for now.
BornIntoIt BornIntoIt 36-40, F 1 Response Sep 5, 2012

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I've just come to realize where all this abuse has come from...my childhood that was sweeped under the rug. It was emotional...but not to disrespect physical (that came later) the mental stuff haunts you day and night. As an adult took it for years....then when spoke out it was my fault for staying....yes bad choice but it's a brainwashing and that all has nothing to do with the horrible sociopathic planned out daily stalking and that gets buried in your mind. He said he would make every think I'm the crazy one, one night after trying to strangle me. Your body just goes numb...can't believe the horror, can't yell out for help or he might kill the children. I would wait until I thought he was asleep and sneak into the kitchen and hide all the knives in the house, Why didn't I run? When in the end my daughters and told the truth it was too late. He had planted seeds with his family and friends that I was abusive and kids too. I'm 4'11" and 90 lbs at top weight - when with him I was about 68 lbs. This is all so quick but i wanted to get started with meeting these other fabulous women I can bond with...I have no one...he did it - made me look crazy....well of course he has endless funds for attorney and can block CPS and restraining orders you can. So many stories...I like that we can just share then stop when it's too much...thank you. The Family Court System in this country is completely base on who has more money...judges need campaign funds and attorneys need to win cases in their courts....it's a cycle...no souls :(