I Don't Know Where To Go From Here..

I am a lesbian!

When I was 17 year old, there was a new girl who just started at my school know as "the new hottie". All the guys drooled over her. As for me, I couldn't keep my eyes off her. But I was in a relationship with a girl who I just found out cheated on me. To top it off, it was a week before our 2 years.

One day during my lunch hour, that new hottie was standing in a crowd in front of myself and a group of my friends. I couldn't help myself from looking over at her. Finally I said something to one of my friends, and guess what? It was her best friend. She yelled at this girl to come over and it was an instant connection.

Hmm.. Let's call this girl Ann. (not "her" actually name)

So we started texting. She just got out of a relationship and I was about to get out of mine. I wanted her. She invited me over to her friends party, and there I found myself making out with Ann.

Well.. that didn't take long. A week after meeting Ann, we were dating. Nothing like walking threw the halls and all your guy friends are giving you props.

2 weeks into dating, she cheated.

I gave her another chance and she changed. So I'd thought. She continued cheating through out our entire 2 year relationship...

Love can make you stupid right?

One day, she cracked. The real ***** started to come out. She made everyone's life hell. From everyone of my ex's, to my families and friends. No one was allowed to talk to me, unless she knew what they were saying.

The whole world was out to get her apparently.

So straight to the point..

She started with pushing me, from there it went to pinching. Then slapping, then biting.. then she just would beat the **** out of me. All I'd do was push Ann away, yell and cry for her to stop. She'd start to cry, tell me she was sorry and that she wouldn't do it again.

The 10th time came around.. you think I would of realized that she wasn't going to stop.

Then one day she came out of the blue before our 1 year and told me that she promised a guy she'd be his first. They made this promise when they were young. And guess what, she did it. She had sex with him and then came to my house later. I made her shower and didn't want to talk to her. The funny thing is, she told me she said no and he wouldn't stop. I HIGHLY DOUBT THAT SINCE EVERYONE THAT WAS THERE WATCHED YOU GET HIM GOING AND THEN TAKE HIM INTO THE ROOM, ONLY TO COME OUT WITH BIG SMILES.. lying *****.

So guess what I did? Gave her another chance because I have noooooooo balls.

She dumped me 4 days later for her ex girlfriend.

So I got my revenge you can say. Remember that friend I told you about that threw the party? I slept with her. Oh and that ex, who I will call Tracy that Ann left me for? Yeah, I slept with Tracy's ex girlfriend of 5 years.

I thought that was it. We were finally over and at first it was hard to deal with, but then I got myself together. We broke up in Feb and when August rolled around, guess who came bagging back? She had everyone of her friend's messaging me saying I'd be stupid not to take her back. So again, I gave her another chance.

It started off amazing, I fell in love all over again. A month in the abuse started again, and it continued until Sept until Dec of the fallowing year.

She told me she wanted to kill me..

Choking, punching, sexually assaulting me while saying "let me show you what I did with everyone I've cheated on you with", biting, pinching, kicking, slamming against things, throwing things at me, such as computers, frames. The worst thing, she started hitting me in public.

You know someone is crazy when they say to you "I hate it that you don't bruise" after punching you in the face.

She would try to get me in fights with people, she got me suspended and expelled from school. She got me kicked out of my house...

What more can I say?

And for everyone who is saying to themselves, why didn't you just leave her? Because every time I did she would put a knife to her throat or threaten to kill herself, and tell me how everyone would blame me for her death.

She convinced everyone that I was abusing her.

I had no one...

She wished that I'd die, she told me to go get cancer like the rest of my family and more.

She abused me, in every way possible. From the time I was 16, until I was 18.

I am 20 now. I have wifey and a 6 month old daughter. I have never been in such a healthy relationship before and everything is amazing.

But now I think I am suffering with PDS. I have never told anyone everything that Ann did. Not even a therapist, my friends, my family, or my wifey. I feel like I am driving myself crazy. Ann keeps haunting my dreams. I have no contact with her, but how do I forgot?

Am I crazy or do I have a right to feel lost?

I need to get better for my family but I don't know where to go from there.

See.. now I am frustrated because I don't what to say.. I never charged her and I wish I did, or at least did something.

I just need some input. :(

jg99 jg99
Sep 7, 2012