How My Life Was Ruined And Rebuilt Again

I met my ex-boyfriend Chucky (not his real name) in the spring of 2004. I was 18 years old, and I left high school early to start college a year earlier than the rest of my class. I was an honor roll student, graduated in the top 15% of my class, and was going to start an internship at Disney Animation Studios. 

We met through a mutual friend. We started going on a date a few weeks later. I didn't have the best luck with guys, and I didn't have very many friends. I was very lonely and happy that someone was finally paying attention to me. 

Chucky was not a good-looking guy, nor was he successful. He was working part time at a  local comic book store, dropped out of college already and was still living with his parents and a mentally disabled brother. But I didn't care about those things. I just cared that he liked me enough to actually be with me. By May of 2004 we were officially together and I was elated. 

When he met my parents, they were leery about his lack of ambition to do anything with his life. They warned me to be careful not to let him take advantage of me. I brushed it off and told them he was going to get his act together soon...

Later that year he started borrowing money from me. I was happy to help him out, but my parents were furious. I started fighting with my parents about him. They said I needed to stop seeing him because he was "bad news". I thought I knew better, and told them they didn't know Chucky like I knew him. I told Chucky how they felt about him, and he said that they're crazy and were jealous that we were in love and were trying to break us up on purpose. 

One November day, while everyone in my house was gone, I packed my things and moved out. I was furious at them to think that the guy I loved would be harmful to me. I thought he would sweep in to save me when I left home with no where to go. He didn't. Instead I ended up moving in with my grandmother. 

Over the next 3 years I stayed there and I stayed with him. He never got a full time job, and always made me promises about us moving in together when he was ready. Any money he did make from working small side jobs was spent buying collectible toys and figurines online. He never bought me dinner when we went out. I paid, and if we went somewhere nice he brought his mother to pay for us. 
I ended up dropping out of college and never went on my Disney internship out of fears of leaving him all alone without anyone to take care of him. I took a full time job working as a cashier at a hardware store to pay for my bills and his online shopping. Eventually he started to become very emotionally and verbally abusive towards me. He called me a "piece of ****" and "lazy" and "selfish" if I didn't work hard enough to give him money for his shopping habits. He got mad and yelled at me if I even brought up the idea of him getting another job or going back to school and moving out of his parents' house. His dad was abusive to him and his mother, and sometimes they would get into screaming matches while I was at their house, eventually turning into a physical fight and they punched each other until they were both on the floor. I was so scared and stressed put. I wanted to have a normal life with him and not have to play "house" anymore. When I gave him the ultimatum to either shape up or break up, he threw me into a wall and told me to "shut my stupid face". So I did and never brought it up again. 

My grandmother was frustrated and scared of him hurting me, and insisted I leave him for good. I refused to do so. Eventually she got so fed up and asked me to leave immediately. I packed up and left her house, and for 4 months I couch-hopped from house to house, eventually renting a room at the house of one of Chucky's friends. 

In late 2007 I got a new job as a bank teller. I was happy to be working somewhere so professional, but I was anxious about paying my rent and bills on time. I was always late with the rent because I was always slightly short of money somehow. Chucky assaulted a customer at the comic book store and got fired soon after. He started calling me up at the bank all the time, insisting that he didn't want to be alone and told me to stay with him more often. I called in sick at work a lot to stay at his house so he would be happier. Instead he would be mad and yell at me for anything I did wrong, like if I cleaned the bathroom improperly or dropped a shirt on the floor after unloading the dryer. 
He refused to come with me to spend the holidays with my family. I was ashamed to go on my own and too stressed to hear them talk about how he's treating me badly, so I avoided going to visit my family at all costs. 

On Valentine's Day in 2008 I got fired from my job at the bank because Chucky's persistent calling and my abundance of call-outs from work. Devastated, I went to his house seeking console. Chucky hit me so hard I saw stars. He called me "worthless" and "stupid" for getting fired. He told me he didn't want to see me ever again and (literally) threw me out into the street! He said, " It doesn't matter. I already found another girl to replace you! She has money and a don't!" and slammed the door in my face. 

I became so depressed and ashamed of myself. I got very sick with a bronchial infection the next week and gained a lot of weight over time. Even though he technically dumped me, he still called and came to visit just to have sex when he was bored. Every time he would come by, he would say "If I was dating that other girl, I wouldn't have to put my **** in your flabby body." He stole my ATM card and started withdrawing small amounts of what was left of my savings to buy more toys on eBay. Within a few months I was out of money, and overdue on my rent. My housemates kicked me out when the lease was up. I had no choice but to stay with Chucky. 

I lived there for a month. I still had no job. To try and make extra money by working for him typing eBay listings on his home computer. His computer was older than dirt and still ran on dial-up, so it froze and crashed a lot while I typed. Every time it did that, he would tell at me saying that I broke the computer somehow and would hit me in the back of the head and tell me to start again. Sex was torture with him. He would try and tickle me to the point of peeing myself, laugh at me for doing so, then call me by other girls' names while he was inside me. I cried until I threw up afterwards every time. 

Lonely, broke and desperate to leave, I finally decided to reconcile with my parents. They said I could come home and get myself together if I promised to stop seeing him for good. I told them I would. I moved back home later that week. Chucky didn't bat an eye about it, saying he was better off without me now that he had a new girl in mind to ask out. The last thing he said before I left was that no one will date me because I was a loser. 

Over the summer of 2008 I got a new job working with mentally disabled adults in a group home and I re-enrolled for college. I went out and met new people and reconnected with friends I had lost contact with over the last year. I was losing the weight I gained during the last two years, and I was steadily growing more confidant that I could make it on my own this time. I was becoming more independent and my broken relationship with my family began mend. Every once in a while I'd get a phone call from Chucky if he was lonely. His new prospective girl decided not to have anything to do with him after a few dates. He still wasn't working and the story of what he did to me spread through our circle of friends, causing them to break ties with him for good. 

After Thanksgiving of 2008 I met a man online named Tony. He lived an hour away from me and worked as an iPhone developer. We started talking online and on the phone before meeting each other. He was the polar opposite of what Chucky was: Tony was sweet, mild-mannered, generous and hard-working. He wouldn't swear in front of me or raise his voice. If there was something I was interested in buying but couldn't afford, he bought it for me. I was blown away by him, but very cautious about getting too serious. I was afraid that the good guy persona would wear off over tome and he would get mad at me for something I would do. So I kept my distance for a while longer. 

Chucky heard I was seeing someone else, and begged to have me take h back. He called me sobbing in the middle of the night, saying he couldn't live without me and that he was going to kill himself soon if I didn't go back to him. He told me Tony was just a "pimp" who would never love me, only use me. I felt sorry for him, and I almost agreed to go back out with him. But then a voice in the the back of head screamed "NO!" and I thought about all those times he let me down. The beatings, the stealing, the verbal beat-downs and the manipulations. I didn't want it anymore. So I told him I couldn't be with him anymore, and to never call me again then hung up the phone. 

Over the next few months he kept trying to call me. He plead with me again and again. I told him no all the time. The last time he called Tony got on the phone and told him of he ever harassed me again he would throw him in jail. I never got another phone call from Chucky again. 

I ran into Chucky two more times in public A few years after that. He was aggressive and contemptuous towards me both time. He asked me if I had some old toys of his at home. I told him I didn't have them. He got mad and said I was lying to him. He threatened to find me at my parents' house and kill everyone with a shotgun. I was terrified, but he never went through with it. I told my parents about the encounters. They called the police and placed a restraining order on him. 

Tony and I have been together for four years. We married on March 24th, 2012. I'm so happy I was able to leave my old life behind and start anew. I had no children with Chucky, which was a blessing in disguise for me, as I was able to leave with no attachments to him. Many women can't do that unfortunately. I feel bad that I got lucky and made it out alive, but I still worry that he'll find me and just be crazy enough to do something harmful to my family. The experiences I had with him still burbles up from the pits of my memory, causing me much distress. I will never be fully rid of him. In a way, he ruined me. 
nikthered nikthered
26-30, F
Sep 8, 2012