Im The Abuser...

Look I know this site is for women on the reciving end of domestic abuse and i feel for you all, but I want to share with you what has happened between me and my partner.

I fell in love with this girl about 18 months ago, we made each other laugh, cared for each other, had a amazing sex life and really loved each other.

This girl has never, not once wronged me.

There has been 3 occasions now witch has led to domestic abuse on my behalf.

Im a caring guy and absolutly would walk the earth and back for my girl.

Theres something inside me that makes me switch from being a loving person into a evil one.
I do get insecure sometimes but can manage it.

Everytime I have been abusive I have been drunk... I know what you think, stop drinking!

Well yes I stopped for over 4 months after one incident and in the end I started drinking socially again.

I can give you a account of what happend recently...

Me and my partner were having a lovley day, I bourght her a new dress and shoes and treated us to a meal.
Then we decided to have a pint in our local, witch led to many more. All was fine untill we decided to go into town, I carred on drinking having a good time. Then i noticed she was on the phone and found out she was talking to another male.
My head went mad and i started arguing calling her nasty things.
We resolved the matter and carried on with our night.
When we left to go home the argument flaired up again, I cannot remember exactly what happend but the next thing I know we bumped into this bunch of lads one commented on my parter and I knocked him out in the street.My partner went crazy sayin I did it for no reason.
After this i went mad and head butted her, smashed her phone and witnesses said I stamped on her head. I dont belive that part to be true

But now she hates me I cant see her and I am so devestaed of my actions

Seriously this is not my usuall self.

Anyone got any suggestions?
naughtyman2 naughtyman2
8 Responses Sep 20, 2012

Stop blaming drink for your unacceptable behavior and take responsibility. You could have killed your girlfriend and if she has any sense she will run not walk away from you.
You are jealous and controlling and need to change.

Your better off apart, you're never going to get better if you stay in the relationship. If you love her as much as you say you do, you will stay away. Get professional help and look at where you want to be in life, why are you drinking? why are you unhappy? why are you angry? Only when you have dealt with these emotions inside will you ever be able to be happy in a relationship. I was abused for 2 years, intentionally, so know what its like to be on the receiving end. When I told him (yes I had to tell him) that he was abusing me he was shocked as he obviously thought his behaviour was normal and I think he has changed his life around since that day. However I could no longer be with him, the memories were to much and I couldn't love him anymore. You have to be aware that this might happen and accept it. Focus on you and your life, sort it out, get counselling, talk to people about it, move on and start something positive in your life. I hope you turn your life around.

You already made a step by admitting you want help. Unfortunately you may have done it in the wrong place. Most of the people responding here are bias, including myself. However, you've given an insight to the other end of the spectrum.

If you really want to change your behaviour you should seek professional help. You need to accept your actions were wrong and it is your own fault. One step at a time. In the meantime, try to avoid situations that make you snap and lash out. The best way to prevent an incident is REMOVE YOURSELF FROM THE SITUATION. Take a breath, go for a walk, realize that violent actions have violent consequences! Drinking is a catalyst but anger issues is the underlying problem. I hope you make the right steps!

You have to first admit that you and only you are to blame for abusing her. You knew what alcohol could lead to and chose to partake anyway. I am proud of her for leaving you. I'm sorry, I am not trying to be rude. I just would rather a relationship fall apart than one person end up dead. You need to get some professional counseling. She does too for that matter. If you continue to drink alcohol knowing you have anger issues you can and probably will eventually end up in jail. What is more important to you the alcohol or your freedom?

You need to get help...You need to find a way to channel your anger. I was abused for the first time 4 days ago by my husband and he was sober but he called me the next day from jail asking me what he did...He blacked out...It's scary...I love him so much but I too can't see him. I appreciate your post because now I have some insight into how my husband might be feeling. I feel for you and for your girlfriend and hope that you get to a better place soon.

First of all you need to stop denying and admit your wrong doing. This is your chance to right your wrongs and seek the help you so desperately need. You are a danger to any woman anytime your possessive nature takes hold. What's to say the next time you don't kill someone. Trust me it may seem like a far leap but it's not. So help yourself and protect all women around you by staying away until you get the help you desperately need.

You need to find help. A therapist to help change your state of mind, insecurity is a sign of self-hatred and not believing you are worthy. What you did was evil and if you want to change you're going to have to work hard.

seek support, i belive some people can change.