I have for many years now been putting up with domestic voilence.. It has ground me down so much i do want to die some times:( i dont know why I have stuck it for so long I think its coz I feel i could never live on my own. I feel very trapped by my husband and his hold he has on me via money, housing and my child. I think thats why I have anger issues of my own sometimes i just cry on my own and think about leaving him but the next day the feeling goes off and I am back to square one :(
mamdo2 mamdo2
36-40, F
40 Responses Nov 8, 2012

That's to bad. You have a right to be happy or to seek that which makes you happy. I understand how overwhelming it must be wishing you could get away and not having the self confidence to actually do it. You don't need to spend your life being beat down by some monster, you don't deserve that. I wish I could help you somehow but I just don't know how. Sorry.

You have to get professional help in a situation like this and do not make excuses, 'I can't because... because... because...' you must act. You will feel an enormous weight lift when you do.

I was in the same situation as you and it finally got so bad I tried to shoot myself which only made him angry and he ended up shooting me then himself, thankfully he didn't survive or I probly would of went back sadly. Just get help if yo can I wish I could get thru to everyone going thru what I went thru because I am not the same person anymore, even have a scar on the right half of my face from it but I didn't listen to anyone when I was there so I don't expect anyone else to, I just wish they all would because I wish I would of every day. Good luck to you and God Bless

You deserve much more.I am also a victim of domestic violence- it sucks :( I am still living with the man but we now live seperate lives. Not ideal I know but I have to support the household ( 2 adult kids) for the time being. I have not spoken to my husband for over 2 years so have some peace of mind at last.

You ow youself a new start sweetheart. No man should ever lay a finger on a women. Your stronger than him, your everything and hes nothing. And thats the reason why he is the way he is. Dont forget you do have people on here that actually do care, i do, and i dont even know you. This is where new friendships can blossom, and confidence can grow!

No woman should be treated like that and not a good situation for children to grow up in x

U can do anything that you really want. I have been codependent on my husband for so long and u truly felt low and worthless. Really believed I couldn't do anything in my own. Baby steps!!! Just start taking baby steps for yourself it leads to big steps

when i was marred it was the same for me she stabbed me in the leg hit me with a frying pan and through the rolling pin at me and moved just in time it went through the window and i had to replace the glass one minuet she was all over me and the next she was trying to kill me i put up with her for 17 years then i got out and never looked back

That is so sad to read,you should take a baseball bat to his head while he sleeps.There is away for you go get away from him (call the cops before he does worse)

So sorry to hear you're in this horrible dilemma ...... Not sure what else to say..... X

Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him putting up with him beating you? Yes or no? You got two very clear choices, either you stay with him and accept your fate, or you decide to get out, look at what you need to do that and do anything in your power to accomplish it. Pack the essentials and steal a huge chunk of money from him. Find a friend or relative you trust you can stay at. Find a job. Get the law involved. It's not going to be easy, not one bit. But, if you don't do anything, this situation will continue whether you want it or not.

You can always leave and have a better life, at the moment he has you all tied up emotionally and financially

The first step is walking and taking your child and so to a safe house like a women's refuge as they will help

I always thought that some men are totally unable to respect their wives ... they are weak because they are macho or macho because they are weak ... In any case, they do not deserve the name of man .... This is my opinion and I agree with myself!

I would suggest to look at family that may be able to help you, while getting a restraining order against your husband and getting a lawyer that can help you get the financial support your husband owes you.
Decisions will not be easy, but they will get you closer to a safe place where you can start to rebuild your life, whatever you do, start thinking about actions, not fears, actions will reduce fear.

Good Luck

Are you still in this situation? please get out, get out, get out. Nothing is worth staying in this situation for. We are only trapped by our minds.

time to get out of that trapped in feeling

I'm sorry for your dillema......All I can suggest is that you need to take your child, and get out of there............There are shelters, and support groups for people in your situation.........Best of luck to you..........You can make it............Wish I could be more help.........-JC

Please take help from your family, friends and govt resources to leave. It will never stop.

I can relate to your story. I have been in 3 abusive relationships over the past 15 years. My current abusive relationship has lasted 8 years. I just recently received an early Christmas gift of a broken nose and jaw. I stay for the same reasons you have listed but realize each time a beating comes, they come more fierce to the brink of am I going to see tomorrow. I pray to God to return me to the strong person I once was. I ask myself how I became so weak and let a man destroy not only my outer beauty but my inner beauty also? I am a single mother of 3 small children and I just want to see them grown and happy. I am starting to feel the need to just let all relationships go for now and just focus on my kids. I realize though the first thing I need to do is get emotionally healthy for myself again so I can bestow upon others the love I keep nestled so close inside.

yep i am looking for the strength to leave i hope we both find it :) we will one day wake up and find the confidence to leave xx

Yes, it is difficult to explain the way you feel trapped... I am actually feeling that myself... And I don't know the answer how to get out of there yet, but I am looking for help and possible solutions now. Trying to talk to people. Would be happy to be your friend. Take care, and don't forget - there is always help out there!

That's a sad situation to be in. I hope you can somehow resolved it.

I'm so sorry that you are suffering this, you really should do whatever it takes to get you and you're child out of that situation. :(

That is like reading my life but last night he said something which made me think I will and can leave, he said if he left he wouldn't want to see me or OUR DAUGHTER again, this hurt me more than than the punches, kicks etc how can he say that also our daughter was in the room, she is only 14

Thanks that made me feel so much better NOT everyones situation is different so I dont think we should judge but I do worry that my daughter will follow and be treated the same. I know I need to leave and this may sound like an excuse but in the New Year I am going to get out but I need to move far enough away not to see him but near enough to have the support of friends

That is like reading my life but last night he said something which made me think I will and can leave, he said if he left he wouldn't want to see me or OUR DAUGHTER again, this hurt me more than than the punches, kicks etc how can he say that also our daughter was in the room, she is only 14


So sorry to read this, my new friend, I'm far more fortunate as my marriage is good, even fun most of the time, until recent ill health hit my wife. I can't cure your problem, but happy to be your friend & confident, if that helps.

Life should not be like that.
Your husband should not want it to be like that either.
His violence to you is a demonstration of weakness in himself.

I can believe it would cause anger issues for you too.

Life is complicated and it is not easy to make changes.
If you think of leaving him, you should go. Its not your fault & you deserve better.

Thank you for sharing with us your story my friend. But a change can only come when you gather up enough strength to save yourself from yourself. The life you have lead is a very emotional one indeed. We can only take as much as we are given...............What about your friends and family. Help is there if you need it. The question is when are you going to take the next steps in order to do the right thing again, for you.

What kind of domestic violence? Physical? Verbal? Psychological? I,m excluding spanking, which is in a different category.

I know exactly how you feel .. I was stuck for 7 years with my abusive ex . I would dream of a day I know I would have the strength to leave .. You keep up with the assaults or the constant yelling an screaming . Forgetting about it the next day like it never happen to keep your sanity . You keep thinking you must of deserved this some how or some way .. NO you do not deserve abuse in any form !! They have us groomed from the beginning how to depend on them for everything !! What it is I know what has been working for me is knowing that for a fact that it's your LIFE and it does Matter !! Seriously find a great counselor or a domestic violence shelter they will exactly help guide you out of that relationship for good !!!

Marriage is in a way a Prison for many but can't really blame anyone in particular, unless we know the facts. But its obvious that one of you is putting up with the other for too long and forcing the other to also put up, in the process.

Since its been happening for long, you must sure know a pattern or reason when violence takes place. Is he unreasonable and unpredictable ? how violent does it get ? and how long does it go ? Is it like have you become an "amusement" for him.

Even if you can tolerate and just go on... You need to put an end to this. It is like no point staying with someone by force. So you need to involve a counsellor and to see if it resolvable.. if not better to divorce and be on alimony until you find another.

Do you have any talent or profession that you can earn on your own ? how old is your child ?

The number of people who put up with domestic violence and abuse at the hands of their spouse is hard to imagine. The children play a big part too in these situations. I do hope you take some professional advice so that you husband can be treated. If that fails you may need to take it further.

All I can say right now is seek help from wherever you can. You do not have to stay in this sort of relationship. It is bad for your health. Do your research, you can leave and be supported. My thoughts are with you *hugs*

I truly feel for you and the frustration that you are going through if you truly love your child,there's no dollar amount no repeated excuses that you keep making that should keep your child in that stressful situation .i wish you and your child well.

What a horrible trap to be stuck in. If you need some advice on how to get out feel free to ask. I have friends who've worked with survivors of abuse and so know some steps you can take.

be strong for kids and be prayerful to God, know this kids from broken homes find it hardest to understand and they will blame you for leaving their dad,God can turn and situation around, i am a witness to that

I am concerned about you. Did you know most states have non-disclosed top secret if you will domesticviolence woman's shelters? They take a woman and her child(ren) in and provide an advocate (woman assigned to set goals, go to court etc.). You might get your own bedroom with your child(ren). You might have to share a bathroom. Kitchen is usually a joint venture. Moms have to be assigned or volunteer to do some housekeeping in the shared areas. Our own rooms and or bathrooms are ours to maintain. There are mandatory curfews. Mandatory meetings. Don't let this bother you. These are good things and provide a support of information and helps. You should not be using drugs or alcohol as they may test these and then report it to a state child protection agency. Find out if you can have an occasional wine/beer but if they have zero tolerance for alcohol then please don't. Mothers can be evicted from a program which is cruel all things considered. The best thing of course is if you have family or friend who would take you and your child(ren) in.

Being in a woman's shelter is not always the best route. The staff are usually okay and of course woman. Do you think you could consider this as a way to get on your feet. To find work if unemployed, to get on housing or apartment waiting lists? To address any issues of crimes against you? A dv woman's shelter advocate might also be the one to help you file a restraining order against him if needed.

This is a dramatic change. I understand it may seem too much to undertake. All things considered, if you come to a day/night when you want to leave him do you have a plan?

There are websites to visit that can offer you advice. The first thing you will learn is this: HAVE A PLAN (OF ESCAPE)

HAVE PLAN B (OF ESCAPE) if plan a fails.

Always have your cell charged and know where your charger is.

Look up the phone number of a domestic violence helpline/shelter
keep it safe somewhere in your purse or better yet memorize it.

Confide in someone that things are not what they appear to be for you.
Many women find someone they confide in and completely. If you can't trust
anyone with your plan A or plan B yes follow your gut because some will betray
you and tell him you are planning to leave him and how.

Does this help? I am praying for your safety and well being and that of your

Have the phone number somewhere or better yet MEMORIZE it

getting started is the hardest part. get help. many have overcome the same "trap" dont give up

nobody should have to live with violence of any sort xx

sorry to hear that...

P.S. these guys can really help you , one of the bests to talk with since they got a department for women who are abused, etc...

(312) 492-9410 < call them at this number

http://www.unshackled.org/listen_home.html > true stories