Stalked, Harassed And Abused By The Father Of My Beautiful Baby Boy.

Been there and done this once before. I took seven years off to find myself, become healthy, focus on being a good mom to my little girl, finish college, and become independent so that when I entered into another relationship...I would find myself in a healthy relationship. Tears pour down as I find myself in something worse than I could imagine. I made him move out about 8 months ago, didn't file for divorce because I have already experienced how helpful friend of the men...I mean court is when dealing with domestic violence and how children are allowed to be pawns to continue the abuse and continue to force the victim to allow her children to be with a dangerous person, simply because its about dads rights, not kids and because its all considered alleged...when the victim remains silent for years and lies about the bruises, isolates herself from potential threats of support, and denies everything out of fear of what others think or not being believed or not knowing what else to do! I didn't see the warning signs because I thought I was healthy and attracted a healthy partner. He got me pregnant spontaneously after dating 3 months....he has 3 children already. I embrace motherhood, and I embraced this pregnancy as a new beginning. My sweet little boy is now 4, and has special needs. I have tried to ignore the stalking, cope with the breaking and entering, threats to disrupt my employment, threats to take my son (I found out too late that he had hid his other 3 kids from his previous estranged wife) for several days before the police located them. I am trying to endure this for my sons well being. I also draw comfort from him being with me at the end of each day. I cannot bear grieving the loss of the full time mother that I desire to be. Yesterday I endured a full day of verbal and emotional abuse. My children were witness to this. Last night after threats and promises to cause me harm, he raped me. I know it was rape. I know that I should have gone to the hospital and reported it, but I didn't. I am suffering in silence. I am ashamed. I am alone. I can't do this anymore. I love my son, I love being a full time mother but I need to love myself and my kids enough to not allow them to grow up with this experience. I am freaking out inside, grieving, and scared. I needed to tell someone my story.
Unlimitedtears Unlimitedtears
36-40, F
Jan 6, 2013