I Need Some Closure.

When i was 15 years old i got into my first relationship with a 18 year old boy I met at school. As the relationship started, things were nice. I was young and I instantly became very attached to him. I lost my virginity with him but then only 5 months into the relationship I fell pregnant. I aborted at about 3 months. He never came to any of the scans and never helped me through it. By 11 months of our relationship I found out he had been cheating on me but I soon forgave him. I dont remember exactly how or when the violence started but it began when he started to call me names when we would argue. He would call me fat and ugly, he would make me feel worthless, he used to drive a motor bike and when we had arguments he would push me off the bike and leave me in the road. We were over a year together and I thought he was my world so I never left. He controlled my whole life. He checked my phone and wouldnt let me talk to any males. He even stopped me from talking to my best friend because he didnt like her. If she even messaged me or her name appeared anywhere he would go mad. I could never leave my house, even when i went out with my mother he would complain. If i didnt answer the phone to him for more than 5 minutes he would ignore me for hours and then abuse me. On the second year of our relationship the violence got worse. One day he found me outside my house with a friend, he kicked me repeatedly in the leg and elbowed me in the nose. I had serious bruising, my nose was bleeding and i couldnt breathe properly for days. I hid all my bruises and when someone questioned me i would defend him. I thought things would get better, i thought i couldnt go a day without him. He always apologized and promised he would change. On the third year of our relationship the violence was happening every few days. He would pull my hair, throw me to the ground and kick me in the stomach. He lied to me constantly through the whole relationship and his family treated me with such disrespect. I cried every day. I thought that it was normal and all my fault. On my 17th birthday he let me go to a club but he wouldnt leave my side, if any old friends said hello to me he would go mad. When we were in the club he slapped me round the face and he left, and for the first time i didnt run after him, it was so difficult for me but i let him leave. I stayed in the club with my friend and i met another guy who was really sweet. I started to text the guy that i met, but i was still with my ex and was still being abused. A few months later i decided that i wasnt going to be controlled, so i went out with friends sometimes. This just made him more angry and more violent. I eventually started to meet up with the guy i was texting. He made me feel a lot better about myself. So one day i called my ex and ended it all with him. It didnt last very long though, i was soon back with him. But i was slowly losing my patience with the horrible relationship i was in. One night i went out and i had an argument with a girl, the girl grabbed me by the neck and scratched me. I messaged my ex telling him what had happened, and later that night i went home to him. He became angry with me because i got a new piercing and began to kick me, he then lifted me up against the window by my neck, i got into bed and cried all night, until the next morning he drove me home. When we were at my house, we argued again until he threw me on the floor and kicked me repeatedly, then slammed the door and left my house. I had, had enough, i called my friend and told her what happened, she came to my house and took me to the police station. The police took me to the hospital and then i had to give a statement. They arrested my ex and he was kept in a prison cell until the next day when we attended a quick court. In the court he presented the messages i had sent him the night before about the fight i had with the girl the same night he had hit me, saying that she had grabbed my neck and scratched me. The court believed him when he said the girl had bruised my neck and he didnt touch me. I suppose I just got really unlucky. He was released and a date was set for us to next attend court. I didnt talk to him for 2 weeks until one day he came back. I was alone and i missed him so i took him back. I had a restraining order against him so the relationship was kept private. When the court day came around he forced me to drop charges. So i did. I think it was the right thing to do anyway since i was loosing. Our relationship carried on for a little longer but i took more control. I went out a lot more but i was so unhappy in the relationship. One day i decided enough was enough so i left him. This time it was for good. But he wouldnt leave me alone, he would show up at my house everyday and I had over 20 missed calls and messages every night. I just ignored him, until i met another guy. He is amazing and he helped me through it all. It has now been a few months since i last saw my ex, i have just got into a new relationship with this wonderful guy. Hes made me see the world differently. I know he will never hurt me, he is absolutely perfect. But still my ex is at the back of my head, he doesnt contact me anymore but he has money of mine and a few items that he will not return. I also want some sort of closure. I feel like such a mug, spending nearly 4 years with someone who made my life hell. I feel like i need to get him back. Now that he has nothing against me i feel like i should go back to the police. There is nothing he can say to prove hes not guilty this time. Now i have photographs of my injuries and text messages as evidence, saying that he is "sorry for hitting me". But then again, court is a long difficult process. I am having the best time of my life right now, but the past bothers me a lot and is slightly effecting my new relationship. I feel like theres still that little bit of closure that i need.
Saffronee Saffronee
18-21, F
Jan 7, 2013