Young And In Love.

I was 15 when I met my first love, he was 23. Five days after my 16th birthday we became a couple. He was so handsome and had an amazing personality, he was funny and charming, he would do anything for me. That was in the beginning!!
I was head over heels madly in love and naive. I didn't know he was taking drugs, I had no clue until a friend told me and I confronted him, he denied it and that was the first time he hit me. I was absolutely devastated but I forgave him. Why? Only reason I can give is because I loved him so much, couldn't imagine my life without him.
Over the course the next five years came more lies, beatings and beating cheated on.
One day I was lying in bed while he was downstairs, he left his phone on the locker and I got an urge to look through it, I found messages from a girl he cheated on me with, I ran downstairs to confront him and tell him to get out of my house, he wouldn't leave and threw me on the couch, anytime I tried to get up he hit me in the face and I'd fall back down, I crawled over the back of the chair and ran upstairs but he came after me, pushed me onto the bed, got on top of me and started to choke me, I lost consciousness. When I came around I sat in my room crying for a while. I went downstairs to him and he said.. " I seriously considered killing you while I was strangling you"
I had put up with a lot over the years I was with him but that was the final straw.
Today I look back and it feels like it wasn't me. It's as though it's just all a long movie I watched that's in my memory. I've met guys since I broke up with my "first and only" love but I feel nothing, I feel as though I will never love again, had my chance with falling in love and blew it. At least I finally got myself out of the situation and that is something I can be grateful for.
Phoenixxx84 Phoenixxx84
26-30, F
7 Responses Jan 13, 2013

Mmm hang in there love. Damaged heart can be mended. Live by a set of rules. It's quite simple and avoids things like this. You have to be able to flip a switch in your head. #1 you're number one. Remember that you come first. Just like in an airplane, they say put the mask on yourself first, then on the person next to you. When you put people in your #1 spot you give that away and chance it getting hurt. And if you feel you are only complete by giving someone that spot then all it means is you're submissive by heart, so give all in bed, not in your entire life.
#2 find the positive in the negative. There's a reason you went through the things you did. You were young and you learned a lot. You made it so use it. Honestly when I'm down I go to AA meetings and other places where ppl with terrible events in their life share their story and I can say man it's not that bad.
#3 never ever engage in physical or verbal abuse ever! If your partner crosses that line you have to keep your cool and immediately plan how you'll abandon the relationship. Once those two are crossed it means there is no respect there. No good, it means it'll be worst next time and so on. But you have to keep yourself in check too. You can't cross those either.

There are ways, and it will improve. Experience is something ppl die for to gain. Hang in there bunny!

Wow I honestly can never understand why there is a need for someone to physically abuse another. Especially a man abusing a woman and even more tragic when the girl has so much love for him she doesnt have his punk *** thrown in jail. Its there inside you, you locked it up because you are afraid of being taken advantage of again. You loved him enough to endure that above all else that means you are an extremely loving and caring person. One day im confident you will show someone this love again. I hope you learned enough from your journey to show the right person who wants to foster it and cherish it. Good luck :)

I don't think it will happen again but it would be nice :)

It will happen again...love always comes if your looking and giving.....

and the violence...but not if you watch out for the signs.

We have to learn from difficult things that happen and not make the same mistake again - but we all DO make mistakes :)

Yours is not an uncommon story. It's good to know that you were able to get out of that abusive relationship, intact. Too many young women don't.

Thank you. Yeah I know... Grateful to have gotten away

That's a crazy time!you wer young and spent most of your adult years so far with that ***** wer not all like that so you no lol You will find someone to love 1day but until then enjoy life as much as u can on your own! :)

That's really nice of you, thanks, that's what I plan on doing :)

Wow, that is why young ladies should date guys their own age so that they get that learning experience in a relationship and get confidence in themselves to stand up for what they want in life. I admire you for finally coming to that point, but sad that it had to happen after all the abuse.

Thanks :)