Continuance Of Broken Memories...

I feel that I am in a vicious cycle of despair. An ongoing accident that I wish to heal from. Every time I stare @ my left hand I see a broken pinky that was never fixed. It may sound stupid but that was not the first time I had encountered an abuser. My self as a woman & mother is very physcially tired. Honestly I feel like I have been cursed. ( yes I know it sounds stupid) if my body is supposed to be a temple? Then I start to worry if there really is anyone out there to ever see beyond my scars? I feel soo mean & evil sometimes for the heartbreak and pain I have been through. I worry about my sons constantly while in the back of my head I feel like an ugly troll with nothing when I look in the mirror I want to scream & yell. I have been a victim soo many times. Even ones close to me still call me names. I cannot sleep even when I am active or with the help of medication. I fully understand I have to survive for my sons, but my actual heart feels half dead. Somedays I feel soo desperate for an everlasting hug of love to ease my anxiety... But then a sarcastic voice in my head,reminds me how imperfect I am physically and how fast life can sour when you think you know someone & they just have ulterior motives. I understand that I have always been quick to forgive. Now iam scared that I may be too picky and will end up with nothing. I love my sons but somedays I feel soo empty from the lose of loved one and past abuse. I can only live soo long as recluse & take the advice of other people that just wish to medicate me or just force things upon me. Sorry I babble <8(
An Ep User An EP User
Jan 19, 2013