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My childhood household was a war-zone, literally. I was not even born into it, it was happening while I was still inside the womb. For several years...I literally have no recollection of my life from birth (obviously) to about 11 years old. Apparently as a defense mechanism my mind has blocked out all of the ****** up ****, God knows what happened.. That's what "they've" (various specialists) told me. Unfortunately though I also have no recollection of pleasant memories. I wouldn't even know how to describe it, other than living a horror movie. It is a ******* miracle I'm alive, let me just say that. I almost died several times...my father never intended to kill me rather my mother but you know...I was in the way sometimes. I never really knew what was going to happen and my father was a stalker too once we finally left.... He did all drugs basically, all and was a really big drinker and an alcoholic. He did heavy drugs too that **** with your mind and make you...evil really. Add on to the fact he was crazy because of his ****** up up-bringing...he was just a monster for a very long time. Long list of things I'd like to kill him for, mainly what he did to my mother. As a result of the exposure to such violence and horrid environment I have or had PTSD, Post- Traumatic Stress-Disorder. And he refuses to acknowledge or maybe he's an idiot which he is, he fried his brain.....just how much of an impact he had, which WAS NOT a good one mind you. But I don't know which is worse...that when he was in my life he was abusive and just...evil or when he wasn't in my life (Which is most of my life) But that was basically my life...fora very long time. Daily exposure to such ****** up ****.
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26-30
1 Response Jan 19, 2013

Sincerest of hugs to you..because holy ****

Youre welcome. I hope you find peace of mind.