I'm Just So Tired Of It

I came home yesterday night. I was two hours late and my husband was sitting on the couch when I got there. I knew something was wrong when I got home. Sage was coloring on her little plastic table. I came in and Trevor stood up and threw the remote at the wall.
"What the **** is your problem?"
"Can we not do this tonight please?"
"Don't talk to me like that!"
"Trevor, c' Mon. Please," See Trevor and I have been arguing a lot lately and I'm just really tired of it.
"Don't ' please Trevor' me, Nicole. You' 're two ******* hours late! Where were you!"
"At work. I swapped shifts with Miranda,"
"Why didn't you tell me! I was planning on going somewhere tonight but I had to babysit because you decided to be a ******* *****!" I knew we were going to fight and I don't like my daughter seeing it.
"Sage, could you go up to your room please,"
"Mhm. Would you tuck me in Mommy?"
"Yeah, don't wait up though," She went up stairs and Trevor came over to were I was sitting, pulled my up by my hair and threw my across the room. The inside of my mouth started to bleed when I slammed my head against the wall and then the floor and I had to swallow the blood because I was still in my work cloths.
"Trevor please don't, I'm sorry,"
He grabbed me and lifted me clean off the floor by my hair. I started screaming and crying and he just slapped me an slammed my head into the wall. I stopped screaming but I couldn't stop crying. He punched my stomach even though I'm four months pregnant.
"No, Trevor, the baby! Not my stomach!"
Shut. The **** up! You little *****!" He punch my stomach ten more and when I told him not to hit my stomach, he punched my face so hard it snapped back and hit the wall. He moved his hand to my throat and squeezed so hard I couldn't breathe. With the other hand he punched me six times.
"I am so sick," he punch me with his other hand, "of you and your whining and begging and your attitude and you being SUCH A ******* *****!" I kicked at the wall as he tightened his grip even more. I clawed at his arms, doing anything to keep the world from fading away even more. He just punched the baby inside me and then me. Finally he dropped me and I hit my head again but I barely notice. I was coughing and crying and sucking in breaths for almost five minutes. Trevor went upstairs and I just lay on the floor broken and bleeding. He came back down stairs and dragged me upstairs, into our room. He threw me onto the floor kicked my stomach and back ten times each and told my to get undressed. I did. Once I did I lied down onto of the sheets. My back to him, eyes shut as he got undressed. He climbed on top of me and raped me. I didn't try to stop him because I knew the beating I would get if I did. So I just lie there as he raped me. After maybe fifteen minutes he realised I wasn't 'enjoying it' and he started beating me again. I just watched. I was behind glass and I was to tired of this to do anything. He kicked me and punched me all over and slapped me and pinched me and swore at me until I was black and blue and bleeding so much that I couldn' t see anything. He told me to go take a shower and I did. When I got out he whipped me with his belt and I was still wet and freshly bruised so it hurt like hell and he kept on whipping me until I passed out on the floor. I know I'm going to get it even worse tonight. I am so scared. I threw up earlier and I don't think it was because of the baby. I don't know exactly what he is going to do but I knew it is going to horrible and worse then last night. But I also can't wait because as soon as he is finished beating me, he will be back to himself, the man I know and love and married and have a wonderful family with.
        Flodials- I have thought about leaving but I am to stupid to pull it off and if Trevor beats me when he loves me and over stupid things, He would kill me if I tries to run. He says, "If u ever try to run, I will find you and I will cut that little ***** inside you out and kill it in front of you and then I'll kill Sage and then I will kill you," He has never touched me child and I would die if he ever did. I send Sage out of the room because she has a better chance of not seeing and a better chance of  not getting hurt. I'm not worth it. I'm not worth anything. I don't even deserve Trevor. I have no where to go. When I got pregnant with Sage, I was 16 and my family dis owned me. I haven't talked to them in four years. I also love Trevor. I know it sounds stupid but He' s amazing. He just us a little bit of a temper sometimes. He still loves me and Sage and the baby on the way.  I love him to much. And he controls all the money. I work for four hours Sunday night. All that goes to Trevor. 
         Poetlover- I can not get a way safely. It really wasn't that bad and I deserve  it. I shouldn't have given him lip and that's what I get. He' s actually helping me.
An Ep User An EP User
2 Responses Jan 21, 2013

No matter what you think its never the victims fault, if he beats you that bad i would be scared shitless to, your pregnant and he probably has endangered that baby in many ways, he doesn't deserve you, ababy, a job, hell i hope he dies or is sent to jail and raped, i was appaulled when i read this how could anyone be so horrible, i cried a little, u dont really love him your just telling yourself that, tell the police NOW , or buy a taser,pepper spray, a gun, and a knife and next time this happens use which ever you choose its self defense

Please please please get yourself out of there immediately . You are not safe nor is your unborn child and the one alive and witnessing this horror. The man you married was a facade and he is gone forever. You don't have a family you have a living hell for you and your children. You know this which is why you wrote here. I understand your fear many of us do on here. I understand you willingness to overlook his hideous behaviour and wait for those good moments. It's all you have to cling too. You need to find the strength and get just what you need and get the hell out of there. Why do you send your daughter out of the room? You don't want her to see? She does and she hears too. She is thinking this is how a man treats a woman. Is that what you want for your daughter? So if you can't find the strength to do it for you......do it for her. Get out. You can do it. You are worth it. There is plenty of help out there. Call 911 call a crisis line. Please you know you are not safe. You know your unborn child is not safe. Don't let him kill that child. Save yourself. Save your children. Get out. I know you wrote this anonymously if you need to contact someone. Please email me. I am seriously concerned about your safety. It will only get worse. Please know I am only stating facts and care about all of your well being. Get to safety first then you worry about anything else. I am here for your support. Regardless GET OUT NOW!