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Last Night

Well, this is my second story. I knew this was coming. Long story short I really got it on Sunday night. Last night, I got what I knew was coming. Trevor came home late and the Sage was already in bed. I was sitting at the table, waiting nervously. He came home not really mad but more like irritated. I wished he would just get it over with. But he didn't.
"Hi," He said, walking right passed me.
"Hey baby. Anything special you want for dinner. Sage went to bed already,"
"You didn't make anything already? What the **** did you do all day," I know he didn't actually want an answer so I kept quiet.
"How long has she been in bed?"
"About forty minutes,"
"Are you ******* kidding me! It's 10:40! You can't even take care of a ******* three year old,"
"I didn't notice it getting so late and she wouldn't calm down,"
"Do you need me to come home early to put her to bed? Are you that weak," I didn't say anything and it stayed quiet for several minutes. I started making dinner. My hands were shaking so hard I almost dropped the pot.
"What? Your hands are shaking,"
"I'm just cold, there's a draft, I guess," I knocked over the pot and water all over the floor and counter. "Oh my God! I- I- I,"
"ARE YOU ******* SERIOUS!"
"I didn't mean to, I,"
"Just shut up,"
"I didn't-" He back handed me and I started cleaning up the water. He pulled me up by my arm and I hit a measuring cup and that went spilling all over.
"You ******* moron!" He punched me over the right and pushed me, knocking me over.
"Trevor, please," He picked me up by my hair and smashed my head into the wall. He slapped me a few more times and pushed me around. In the back of our kitchen is a door leading to our "backyard", he threw me into the door and I went right threw. He picked up the wooden chair we hadn't taken in yet and threw it at me. He also knocked over the metal table on my but I put up my arm so that's the only thing broken, it didn't fall on my stomach or my unborn child. He threw a planter at e but it missed and shattered. The second one hit y foot but I had shoes on. He kicked me a few more times as I was sprawling on the ground, trying to get up. I finally gave up and just lay on the cold snow covered cement, in yoga pants and a tee shirt. Finally, He went upstairs to change and once he came down he had cooled off and the rest of the night was wonderful. We had dinner and I saw the guy I met in high school. I love him so much.
         Jerrian7- Trevor doesn't get a thrill out of hurting me, he only hurts me when I do something wrong and I'm just really stupid and clumsy because that's a lot. Trevor would never hurt our daughter. And I can't leave him. Living with out him would kill me. He controls all our money. And he says If I ever try to leave he will cut the baby inside me out and kill it in front of him. Then he will Sage and then he will killing slowly, cutting me part piece by piece. And if I left, it would kill him too. He does love me and our family. I just can't do anything right. And I have to work on that and Trevor is actually helping me, more and more, I'm getting a little tiny bit better I think.
An Ep User An EP User 3 Responses Jan 22, 2013

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I understand where you think that you are "stupid", or "you can never do anything right". I have been in your shoes. For years I listened to the same thing, over and over. My boyfriend at the time used to be beat the **** out of me because, well, he could, and I sat there and took it. Let me tell you first hand, it will never get any better. You cannot change him. You will never be "good" enough for him, because being "good" enough for men like this means being a slave. I understand all too well about "loving the person they used to be." They have their moments when they are very charming and the person you once fell in love with. But it is all an act. Please, get help. If not for you, for your kids. This is not healthy for any of you, and your children should not have to watch this every day and be scared. It's not fair to you or them. There is help out there. But you must want the help. I was so much like you once, that I actually shivered when I read this. I believed everything that you are believing. You are worth so much more and deserve so much more love and respect than what you are getting. I used to never, ever stand up for myself. I sat there and let him do whatever he wanted because I thought I "deserved" it. I realized one day that this was all bullshit and I was done. I left, got a restraining order, went into counseling, and started over on my life. Trust me, it was not easy. I had to deal with him a lot, due to his stalking and phone calls, etc, but this can be done. Please, I beg you, get help so you and your kids can have the happy life you deserve.

It's difficult to read your story knowing that most women come here looking for answers and support in getting out. I know you don't like the abuse. I know you are aware that it's wrong. I know your capable and intelligent enough. Why then would you allow yourself to think he's not abusing your child when he hits you? The unborn one could not make it could end up with all kinds of health issues? Are you getting prenatal care? Your doctor must see marks. Shelters will take you and help you for months if needed. Women who are true survivors with pain to share and help others through. I hope you find safety for the sake of your children. They don't deserve this. If you can't get out I hope someone calls to get them out. Its very dangerous for them. It's dangerous for you also but you seem to be accepting of his behaviour. I hope you survive. I hope your children are safe tonight.

It seems to me that you don't want help, because after he abused you the way he did you said it yourself that yall had dinner and you love him so much still after what he did.. So your more accepting his abusive behavior, the next thing will happen when he had his thrill beating you, he gonna start taking it out on your children. You should leave him now before it gets to that point, because it will. You shouldn't wait till that happens and then say well i left him because of my kids, your no good to your kids if your in a mental breakdown or abused up or dead. you got to look out for yourself first, you got to care about yourself and say, im gonna leave him for myself so i can show my kids real love and respect, and i can get myself together first, to be able to be their for my kids and give them the love and attention that they deserve and the protection that they need. Your not safe and your kids are not safe in this relationship and it will get worser or possible death.