I Hate My Husband

I thought I loved him, I thought he loved me. I hate him, he has never loved me. I realize that now. I've stuck with him seven years and I want to get out now. He attacked me last night, I had to wait till now to write because I couldn't type a sentence with out crying. I got pregnant with his daughter when I was a freshman in high school. I was shunned and had to move in with him. We weren't even in love, we liked each other a lot but not love. Well, I wasn't head over heels at the time but I became hoh when I realized I was stuck with him. When we moves out at age 17, to our own apartment, I was prego with twins. Two more girls. Alex had a job, I didn't, I had already dropped out of school. Alex controlled all the money, I had literally no money. Alex wouldn't let me leave the apartment. He made up some story so the security guy would call him if I tried to leave. The first time he hit me was when I was 18.For three years he had been yelling at me when I was stupid and bringing down my esteem. I tried to go to Walgreen to get Amanda some Tylenol for her fever. I barrowed a few dollars from my neighbor and She babysat. Alex got home and saw her there. She left and I got home shortly after because Alex was just putting away his stuff. I walked in and He started yelling. I told him I went to Amanda meds. He called me a ***** and said I was cheating on him. I said it was ridiculous, that I never leave or talk to any one, we don' t have a phone, and that I was gone for fourth five mins, max. He said I was cheating U said No ******* way! You're Just ******* retarted. He slapped me and pushed me backwards. Don' t ******* ever talk to m like that, you ******* ho. You''re a ******* *****! No body will ever like you, you''re ******* stupid! He yelled. My 11 month old daughters started screaming and crying. I was already crying.
The abuse just got worse and worse. I had a period where I didn't leave our apartment for five months. When Alex and I did go out together, I couldn't wear make up or anything other then a turtle neck sweater and non skinny jeans and tennis shoes. I had to wear a sports bra and cotton pads so I looked Unattracktive.I glanced over at another guy and he beat me when I got home, if I talked to anyone, even worse beating. I hated my life. I still do. I want to get out now. How do I do that with seven kids, including one one the way, No drivers license, no money and no where to go? Please comment. Thank you