Early Signs Of An Abusive Relationship...

I met him in 2011 shortly after I ended a bad relationship. He was a breath of fresh air,and not even 2 months later we found out I was pregnant. I moved in with him right away. He was charming and presented himself to be the ideal boyfriend and father-to-be. My parents thought he was great, my single friends were jealous, and I was delighted. Down the line, we fought many times while I was pregnant some were mediocre and many were awful. I brushed it off thinking this is normal for any new relationship learning to live with one another and being first time parents all at the same time.

As months went on I notice a slow change in his behavior. The man I fell in love with is slowly becoming someone else, someone opposite from who he represented himself at the beginning of our relationship. Then oneday we had the most terrible fight, it basically escalated when he gave me an ultimatum. I grabbed one of my son's toys and threw on the ground from the frustration he would not hear me out. He then stood up from the couch he was sitting from and chased me to the bedroom. His hand ringed around my neck as he threatens me that next time I decide to act up it will be something I regret.

Everytime we fought, it is always him who's right and I'm wrong. Nothing is good enough for him. No excuse is enough and if I caught him doing something I did that pissed him off, he always makes himself the victim or use my past "mistakes" to justify why it is acceptable for him to do it. If i make a mistake he always says "I'm special", and not in a good way, but by insinuatng I'm a special ed/ mentally disabled child. In public, he does not hesitate to embarass me. Once we were trying to pick out an office desk, and I made a comment to suggest how it would fit in the living room where we plan to put it. He wasn't able to picure the image I was tryng to describe, and in front of the sales clerk he states, "Are you smoking something?" "You're insane." I know he is psychologically toying with me and manipulating me to behave his way. Every fight he does not fail to call me the Big "B" word, Ahole, F***, and whole lot of other words that a dirty sailor would say. Needless to say,this behavior has continued even after my son being born.

The other day, a bizzard force my job to let me out early. As instructed by him, to come straight home. I only live appoximately 25min away from work. However, due to being rush hour (5pm) and the blizzard (that was so bad it was declared a state of emergency) the trip home took 2 hours. His work however required him to be there, and unfortunately my delayed trip caused him to be late, but he knew that. Through out the entire ride home, I constantly updated him with my position in the highway, the speed I was going, and the status of the traffic. Heck, he could have looked at the news to see that I wasn't lying. I even suggested we meet half way so he could drop off the baby to me and wouldn't be as late to go to work and would have to use that much of his sick/personal time. He said no, and advise me to just meet him at home. Upon arriving at home, I was greeted with an arguement, and blamed that him being late was all my fault because I failed to have any sense of urgency and I was driving too slow, and I should have grown some man balls. We argued and just called me a liar and said I puposely took that long to get home. It ended with me screaming at him to get out, because he clearly was in a rush to leave. He charged back at the apt and at 6ft tall (1'm 5ft) stood close in front of me. His pointer aggressively and repeatedly pushing at my forehead, saying that he is tired of being disrespected in his house and continues to threatens me. He then grabs the collar of my sweater and makes a fist. The entire time I'm holding my 11 month son in my arm. I yelled at him to let me go but he did not, he grabbed my collar tighter and liftend me up slightly off the floor to where I'm feeling the pressure around my neck.

I left the house with my son and has not gone back since. I know Im going to have to see him again and talk to him. There is a part of me that of course wants to be with him because I still love him. However, I'm scared that these are the early signs of being in an abusive relationship and inevitably him hurting me a lot more. I guess I'm sharing my stories for those that have unfortunately been seriously abuse to get confirmation that I'm not going insane. I guess you can tell he has already began the process of control, where I'm doubting myself.
Damndustbunnies Damndustbunnies
26-30, F
3 Responses Feb 9, 2013

Something to really think about. If he could do that to you with your baby in your arms, what else would he do? Think of your son first. Is he safe? If you have any doubt, there's a reason for it. My story started like that and ended much worse, so really think about this.

I think you would greatly benefit from therapy to stay strong and remain seeing this situation with clear eyes. Also, not to be mean about something that can't be changed now and of course I'm sure you love your child, but just for the future and for others reading this. I think you set yourself up where disaster was extremely likely. There is birth control, the morning after pill, early abortion, etcetera. Don't make babies with strangers. Good luck to you now. Stay strong.

I would get a lawyer and start preparing yourself.......save money, hide money, get a restraining order, etc...

This is who he is. He is not going to change.

Good Luck.