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Help!!!

I moved back in with my parents in June. I was with my ex for 5 and half years, and out of the time for 4 and half years he was emotionally, physically, and verbally abusive. Ive tried dating slowly, but im finding everything wrong with everyone. I feel like I cant heal and I want to know when is it that things get better. I have no one to talk to because either the people that now don't understand and they make me feel bad because that ask me why I never left sooner. The others don't know because Im not ready to tell them. I need someone to talk to and help me start healing like I should.
lucky105 lucky105 22-25, F 5 Responses Feb 17, 2013

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I got out of my relationship I was in. 20 years with the same man who kept me down. I left him and felt I got out and therefore I was safe. Wrong. I was just out. I was not able to function or cope well at all. I needed to understand the why's to be able to do the things I needed to do for myself. So I called and found social workers to help. You can still reach out and tell your story to those who are there for you. Just because you are out does not mean you are free. Please know it takes time. Work ...desire and most of all understanding. You need to understand along with talking to those can understand also. I wrote a entry on here because I was asked why I didn't leave. It's a tough process but you will get better. Just have to keep reaching. Here for your support Flo

Things will get better in time..... it took you a long time to get here to feel the things that you feel.. and it will take you some time to feel good again... This man took away your power.. made you feel unwanted, unloved , lonely... if you going out thinking about all this negative things you will find the same type people like your ex....... take some time learn to love yourself... enjoy your life... do the things that you like to do... in time when you start liking the beautiful person that you are .. you will find the right person and you will let go of the past..... You allowed this man to make a mess out of your life for so many years..... its time to take your power back!!! Good luck to you.......

You are finding someone wrong with everyone else because your ex programmed you to do so. For years he wanted you to block out the possibility of ever being with anyone else other than him. You are also feeling this way because you are terrified of getting yourself into another relationship with a man who is not what you thought he was. Most of us got tricked into a relationship we thought was good but turned out to be a nightmare. All of the things you are feeling are natural. It's going to take a long time to heal from your relationship. I left my husband a year and a half ago and I am just now starting to think of the possibility of ever having another relationship.

After being separated from my husband for 3 1/2 months now, I have realized that I have to learn to love myself and learn who I am as a person before anyone else will love me for me. It takes time to heal. It is different for everyone. I believe it depends on how long you were in the abusive relationship(s) and the severity of them. Things will get better in time. Personally I am using this time apart from my husband to learn things about myself and I am learning what I like and do not like. For so long I was always doing and giving to him and not focusing any on myself. Now at times I feel lost like I do not even know who I am. Sometimes I feel like I'm falling apart and other times I feel like I have it all together. So I am still in the healing process. The people that ask why you didn't leave sooner just don't understand. I think a person just has to be so fed up with the abuse they cannot take it any longer. In my case, there were times I cried out to God just get me out of this well one night my husband assaulted me, I was so scared I went to call 911 and they came out and arrested him and I took out a restraining order on him and he had to stay away from our house, Me and my children got to stay in our house. I go to a women's support group in my county and it really helps me. I look forward to going every week because I do not have a lot of people I can talk to either. I would like to encourage you to do the same. It's hard to tell people about what has happened to you, especially people you know personally, I feel like they are going to judge me or something and I did nothing but take the abuse for so long. I also have a counselor that I talk to on a weekly basis. The healing will take time but it will come, I promise you. Another thing that has helped me is reading the posts on Facebook from Abuse No More. The administrators are great and have all been come from abusive relationships so they understand. They also have a private chat group that I want to join. So good luck to you. Try to stay strong and positive.

First of all, good for you for getting out...you are brave to have gotten yourself out of a bad situation. Do you parents know? Are they supportive?
I would strongly recommend, before you go back into the dating world, counseling or therapy in some form. This can both give you the outlet you are looking for in a cond-fidential manner and allow you to work out the hard stuff you have experienced..there are also groups for things like this, for sure.
Sometimes we need to strengthen ourselves first before we look for a special someone, in order to know what is/who is truly good for us...hope I helped a bit...peace and love to you.