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Today Is My Anniversary

Well, today is my 12 year wedding anniversary and so my abusive husband who I am separated from and have a restraining order against called to talk to me this evening. He is allowed to call me but I only wish to talk about our children and matters of our home, bills, finances and things of that nature. He, however wanted to go on about how he is changing and go on about his religious changing. How he wants to be a better husband, father, etc, how he wishes I could see the changes, on and on, it was exhausting to me and I didn't really want to listen to all of this because it doesn't matter to me anymore. There was a time when I loved him and wanted him to be all these things and he just pushed me away, so now I don't even care and I feel like I don't even love him anymore. Every time he starts talking about our marriage relationship and how he wants to come back and every thing be different, it just upsets me and bothers me and makes me feel bad because I don't believe him and I feel like he's just saying all these things so that I will change my mind and let him come back home. I mean, how can I take someone back that slapped me and hit me over and over. I am not going to tolerate that from anyone anymore and I sure as hell am not going to take my chances. I don't want to get hurt again and he says he don't want me and the children to get hurt, but I feel like I just cannot take that chance with him again. I really want to just move on with my life. I can forgive him for all that he has done for me but I will never forget about his abuse for that is what it was. I wish to start over with someone new one day whom I do not have any bad memories with and with someone that I can trust to treat me the way I want to be treated and someone who I feel good to be around and loves me for me.
sexymama2011 sexymama2011 36-40, F 3 Responses Feb 17, 2013

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Good for you!

Hey hon, I'm going through the same thing. I keep getting promises of change and ended up with broken ribs. Although this may not happen to you, if you are thinking of letting this man back in your life make sure you start out in a group environment. I don't believe anymore that these men can change, at least not with the women that they have abused. I think we are too much a reminder of what has happened, and bring out their guilt and shame which causes them to get angry. My ex constantly tells me he's changed and then follows up with a bunch of other lies. Take care of yourself. Always have someone who can be called at any time. Peace x

Be strong. Everything you are thinking is right. Don't second guess yourself. He's all talk. My husband who I am separated from says the EXACT same things. But ask me if I ever was angry with him and really told him about himself how he would react. He is a devil on a leash right now and I'm not buying any of it.

Thanks for your reply. I am trying every day to be strong. Some days it is hard. I just don't trust him anymore and I don't know what to believe anymore. Might I add that most of the time I feel like I would rather be single than stay married to him. I am enjoying my freedom right now.