Today Is My Anniversary
Well, today is my 12 year wedding anniversary and so my abusive husband who I am separated from and have a restraining order against called to talk to me this evening. He is allowed to call me but I only wish to talk about our children and matters of our home, bills, finances and things of that nature. He, however wanted to go on about how he is changing and go on about his religious changing. How he wants to be a better husband, father, etc, how he wishes I could see the changes, on and on, it was exhausting to me and I didn't really want to listen to all of this because it doesn't matter to me anymore. There was a time when I loved him and wanted him to be all these things and he just pushed me away, so now I don't even care and I feel like I don't even love him anymore. Every time he starts talking about our marriage relationship and how he wants to come back and every thing be different, it just upsets me and bothers me and makes me feel bad because I don't believe him and I feel like he's just saying all these things so that I will change my mind and let him come back home. I mean, how can I take someone back that slapped me and hit me over and over. I am not going to tolerate that from anyone anymore and I sure as hell am not going to take my chances. I don't want to get hurt again and he says he don't want me and the children to get hurt, but I feel like I just cannot take that chance with him again. I really want to just move on with my life. I can forgive him for all that he has done for me but I will never forget about his abuse for that is what it was. I wish to start over with someone new one day whom I do not have any bad memories with and with someone that I can trust to treat me the way I want to be treated and someone who I feel good to be around and loves me for me.