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Finally Want Out

I have been married for 6 years to an abusive man. We have 2 children together and i have 1 from a previous, abusive, relationship. I recently had my husband arrested for domestic assault. His family have asked me what I did to cause him to do that to me. I just spoke with him and he was angry and told me this is my fault that i need to watch what i say to him and these things wouldnt happen. that if i want him to come back to me i need to change myself.
i know that it is not my fault. i know that he shouldnt have done it ever, no matter what i have said to him. so why does it feel like this?
i have been completely isolated with noone in my life but him for our entire relationship. I feel so alone and helpless. If I know he is wrong and I know that I dont deserve it then why do I want him to come home?
My entire life I have been abused, and it hurts. My mother, my first boyfriend and now my husband. Its a cycle that I know is all related to eachother, so why can't I break out of it. I feel so lost.
An Ep User An EP User 1 Response Feb 18, 2013

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Be strong and go with your instincts. You know your relationship is not healthy. You know his parents were dead wrong for asking you that. You know you don't deserve this. You feel bad because your whole life you have been programmed by abusive people to blame yourself for everything that is happening to you and them. This is not your fault, and it's time to get out. You can break out of it, but you have to keep believing in yourself that you are not crazy, it really is a bad relationship that you have to get out of. Action starts as a thought first. Keep thinking.