Finally Want Out

I have been married for 6 years to an abusive man. We have 2 children together and i have 1 from a previous, abusive, relationship. I recently had my husband arrested for domestic assault. His family have asked me what I did to cause him to do that to me. I just spoke with him and he was angry and told me this is my fault that i need to watch what i say to him and these things wouldnt happen. that if i want him to come back to me i need to change myself.
i know that it is not my fault. i know that he shouldnt have done it ever, no matter what i have said to him. so why does it feel like this?
i have been completely isolated with noone in my life but him for our entire relationship. I feel so alone and helpless. If I know he is wrong and I know that I dont deserve it then why do I want him to come home?
My entire life I have been abused, and it hurts. My mother, my first boyfriend and now my husband. Its a cycle that I know is all related to eachother, so why can't I break out of it. I feel so lost.
An Ep User An EP User
Feb 18, 2013