Each Time You Hit Me , Talk Down To Me You Destroy Me

i thought i knew you , i was wrong , after so many years i was wrong, when will i wake up from this dream , and stand up for my self ?. i wasn't aware of your anger that was hidden inside of you, because you didn't show me that side. i felt so safe. i was young only 16 and stupid at the time, in need of love that's when you came along swept me off my feet with your charming words and affection that i desperately craved . so many times my mother warned me about you so young i didn't care. now almost 4 years and we have a son . you brain washed me and i went for it so vulnerable that i am and i wished i had listened to my mother. i regret you but not our son. sometimes i feel like this is a punishment for what i put my mother through in my teenage years , yes now i admit i am a victim after so long my sister telling me "your a victim of abuse" , so many times i told her no im not and i would lie to my family about my injures , i just didn't want to bring pain upon my mother my family, i lied to everyone. i didn't know how to leave and still don't, i want to run sometimes i actually believe what you say , im stupid and the stupidest girl you had in your life because i regret that i allowed for this to happen i regret that i allow our son to see this i regret the day you first hit me , and i forgave you and still now and i know why you say that now because all the girls left you , they didn't put up with your b.s. unfortunately i did and still do. i know your scared that im going to leave you , that's why you constantly manipulate me and hit me that's why you moved me away from my family, took away my friends. no influences!. i want to so badly and take my baby away from this mess that i feel like i created , that's what you always say anyways right !. im scared that my baby boy will grow up to be just like you, hitting mommy , and constantly making me feel like a piece of gum under a shoe , and putting me down as a mother . i grew only to hate you sometimes i want to grab a knife and end it kill you for killing me softly with your words and hands. i grew to hate men period , this is how love supposed to be ? , this is all i know. i hate that my "opinion" never matters to you , when we argue you put me down and get angry that i stay shut , if i say something that i feel , you get angry , there goes your hand across my face . your always right , "what you say is facts and me always opinions", that's what you always say. you make me feel so tiny, i hate that i cry because you say man up and stop being a baby, making me feel even worse. last night was the last straw , you took the only thing that mattered in this relationship, you kidnapped my baby because you know that's what i live for my son . im ready to leave this hell hole , and recover . run away with my baby in the garden filled with yellow flowers i dreamt that ever-night to escape from you , far away i go!
godistheway godistheway
2 Responses Feb 20, 2013

Moved me to tears. You're a brave woman! You will be richly rewarded some day.

Cheer up:)