I Am No Longer a Victim

 "I'm sorry, you just make me so mad". How many times I've heard that, I thought as I rubbed my swollen cheek.
  It started out perfect, I met a man that was handsome, smart, and could make anyone laugh. He was the life of the party. Everyone thought he was the greatest. He was 11 yrs older than me and the most passionate lover I have ever known. I was in love and it was perfect, the first year- until I got pregnant.
  He didn't want this baby. He wanted me to have an abortion but I could not. Finally, after two months he realized this baby was not going anywhere. Everything changed. He became controlling and abusive. He gave me a black eye when I was three months pregnant. He cried and said he was sorry- "it would never happen again".
  It did happen again. It happened when he thought I was looking at another man, it happened when another man spoke to me, it happened a lot. I took it because this was the father of my son and I wanted my son to have a family.
  It stopped when my son was 11 months old. I did something that day to set him off. He grabbed me by my hair and dragged me through the house with our son crawling behind us crying. He choked me, slapped me, pulled my earring out and all could think of was my sweet, precious son screaming and staring at us. I let him finish the abuse and after he apologized for the 100th time, I scooped up my son and made some excuse about getting something out of the car. I drove (with my son) to the police station. As I was walking in he had followed me in his car and he pulled up to the police station begging me not to do this. My God, that was hard. 
  The police pressed charges. I did not want to- I just wanted it to stop. They took pictures and pressed charges. We had to go to court where a woman gave me a domestic abuse card. He did not go to jail but the experience put the fear of god in him and he NEVER touched me again.
   We are not together and that was the BEST thing I could have done for myself and my son. I did not want my son to learn that kind of "respect" for women from his father. I am now married to a wonderful man who lays his arms around me never on me. He has the utmost respect for his wife and my son sees a loving relationship every day.
vanilla vanilla
26-30, F
15 Responses Jul 8, 2007

Having lived in and escaped from a situation of domestic violence, I want to offer my story to those who need to hear that they are not alone. If you are being abused or were in the past, send me a private message. I'm here as a support.

I am happy to hear that you didn't think about it twice, you do not know how many women struggle with that. They think twice, and are easily misled by their spouse to go back home. I am proud of you for leaving, and you have greatly inspired me today, and reminded me that it's not about us- but about our children.

i am so happy that you have found someone worth keeping - thank you Lord for your blessings to this family - may God continue to bless you and your family

Thank you Jesus! I am not sure if you are a beliver of Jesus Christ. If you are praise God! If not I pray that you get to know him. I thank God that you are alive. I watched my mother go through this for years. It is painful for small children to see this. Only because we are not strong enough at the time to help our mother and then the confusion comes because we think that our Father is suppose to love us and our mother his wife. And the love that we learn is not filled with pain but with sweetness. I am happy that you have a loving husband. I pray for the success of your marriage.

Good for you!

I a so happy for you....well done you got away and now have a chance to live a life you and your child deserve...xxx


You've inspired me. I want that feeling of pride in myself for getting out. I am going to do it. Thanks for sharing.

Very similiar to my story. I wish I would have had the guts to press charges. Now that I look back I am afraid he would have held resentment against me. I love where you said "I am now married to a wonderful man who lays his arms around me never on me."<br />
<br />
I hope everything continues to work out for you!

I, too, am glad that you got out and are blessed with a good relationship.<br />
I like that you say you are NOT a victim anymore.

it's good to read stories of women leaving their abusive boyfriends/husbands behind. I was in an abusive relationship for three years. My ex too was funny, good looking, and smart. We had some really good times, but a lot of horrible times. Some nights I would go to bed crying because he had gotten wasted and started a fight with me. He had laid hands on me before, a slap here and there, but never had he gone as far as he did a week ago. He punched the **** out of me. I had bruises on my legs, face, ear, and arms. He also threatned to kill me and then kill himself. I am so lucky I escaped that night or I would be dead right now, and so would he. I came home to a bathtub full of blood because he was cutting his wrists with an exacto knife. He would have been dead if I didn't call the police. Now he's in Jail but he is going to get out soon....I am scared that he is going to hurt/kill me. I am just keeping hope alive and your story helps. Thanks for sharing!

Your courage makes me so happy<br />
(Victim for 36 years)

What an inspirational story! Thank you for sharing!

your story sounds horribly familiar. you were so so brave to go to the police, well done! i wish i had been as brave. i am so glad to hear there was happiness out there for you after everything you went through, you and your son deserve a wonderful life.

Thank God you got out of that relationship, you were bless too with your new man , Good Luck